View source for PvP/minigames

[[PvP]] fights are resolved by scoring points in minigames.  A different set of minigames exist in each PvP season.  These are the minigames that have appeared so far, with an explanation of how each one works.

The minigames appear in alphabetical order and cover all seasons.

==Minigames==

===80 Days and Counting===
:<winner>'s head probably feels like they've been around the world 49 times more than <loser>. Congrats, <winner>!

1 point for each [[around the world]] consumed since the season starts. Higher score wins.

===Adventurer's Prowess===
:<winner> out-stats <loser> by X%, and wins!

Adventurer's Prowess existed in every season though Season 18.  It was removed starting Season 19.

It was the first minigame in any fight where the attacker chooses to attack with stats.  It would never be chosen randomly.

When attacking with stats, the attacker picks which stat to use.  The attacker's buffed stat is compared to the defender's same buffed stat, and the higher stat takes the minigame.

There may be some variance(?).  Also, in [[PvP Season History#Rule_Changes|Season 1]], the defender sometimes defended with a different stat than the attacker used.  This no longer happens.

===Adventurer's Flexibility===

This minigame only existed in Season 1.  It was the second minigame in every fight when attacking with stats.  One of the two stats the attacker did ''not'' choose was randomly selected, and compared to the defender's stat.  The higher buffed stat took the minigame.

This minigame was retired after Season 1.

===All Bundled Up===
:<winner> is wearing a lot more long underwear than <loser>. Brrrr.
:<winner> has packed on the pounds and is ready to hibernate.

This minigame counts the current [[Cold#Resistance|Cold Resistance]] of the player.

In season 19, bear season, this minigame was called "Hibernation Ready". This applied to future bear seasons.

===As the Pie Turns===

:<winner> is quite the pie lover. I bet they've eaten 22 pies for every 7 pies that <loser> has eaten.

This minigame counts the total number of key lime pies eaten this Season.

In Season 21, numeric season, this minigame was called "I Like Pi". The numbers reported in result text are not a comparison of the combatants' score, but a reference to a common approximation of [[wikipedia:pi|pi]].

===Baker's Dozen===
:<winner> must really love the smell of fresh baked bread, she has spent a lot more time in the bakery!

1 point for each turn spent in the [[Madness Bakery]], higher score wins.

===Balanced Diet Comparison===

This minigame counts the number of ''different'' food items eaten in the past 30 days, or since the start of the PvP Season, whichever is later.

In Season 1, this minigame included foods eaten before the start of the Season.

You can see which food items you've eaten recently by going to your character sheet, clicking "Favorite Food", scrolling down to the bottom, and clicking "Sort by Recentness of Consumption".

===Barely Dressed===
:<winner> has more fully embraced the bare lifestyle. Yay! Full or partial nudity!

1 point for each piece of gear worn. Lower score wins.

===Basket Reaver===
:<winner> has roamed the black forest taking baskets from black widows more successfully than <loser>.

1 point for each [[black picnic basket]] acquired by defeating a [[black widow]]. Pickpocketing does ''not'' count.

===Best Served Repeatedly===
:<winner> has really taken it out on someone, they win! <loser> has shared the love.

Counts the total number of attacks you have made against each opponent, and takes the highest number.  You don't have to ''beat'' your opponent -- losses count too.  Intentionally losing to a strong opponent, over and over, is a viable strategy.

===Beta Tester===
This minigame counts the number of {{plural|Iron Beta of Industry}} collected.

In Optimal Season, this minigame is called "Optimal War".

===Biggest Fruitcake===
:The judges carefully nibble a bit off of <winner> and <loser>, and determine that <winner> is significantly fruit-cakier! <winner> takes the cake!

The following foods are known to count:
*[[:Category:Fruit|list of fruits]]
*[[:Category:Cake|list of cakes]]

The following foods do ''not'' count:
*[[berries of suffering]]
*[[giant heirloom grape tomato]]
*[[jumbo olive]]
*[[olive]]
*[[papaya taco]]
*[[sea avocado]]
*[[tomato]]

===Bilge Hunter===
:Looks like the bilge has been kept clear, thanks to <winner>!

This minigame counts the number of [[drunken rat king]]s defeated.

===Birds of a Slimy Feather===

This minigame counts the number of [[Slimy Eyeball]]s in the player's pledged clan's trophy case.

This minigame existed only in Season 1, and counted all Slimy Eyeballs, regardless of whether they were earned during the Season.  This gave an advantage to clans who happened to have a large number of them already.

It is not known whether the game is able to track clan trophies earned since the start of a PvP Season.

===Bleeding Contest===

This minigame compares total current [[HP]] (highest wins).

===Briniest Liver===
:After carefully removing and comparing both contestant's{{sic}} livers, <winner> is declared to be briner. (Both livers are then carefully replaced.)

This minigame counts the total number of ''turns'' of [[Brined Liver]] acquired during the Season. This included turns acquired by extending the buff, such as with a [[Platinum Yendorian Express Card]] or with [[stone wool]].  Brined Liver cannot be wished for via the [[Rubbed it the Right Way|Genie bottle]].

===Broad Resistance Contest===

This minigame compares elemental resistances.  Each player's lowest single elemental resistance is determined, and the higher number wins.

E.g. if player A has 5 points in every element, and player B has 6 points of Hot, Cold, Spooky and Sleaze resistance, but only 4 points of Stench resistance, player A wins.

===Checking It Twice===
:<winner> has been very thorough and checked her list quite comprehensively.

Only counts your victories when attacking, not when defending.  Counts both random and targeted attacks.  Knocking someone off the hill multiple times (or once after having beaten them randomly) is the only way to score points on the first day.

===Chicle Champion===

This minigame counts the number of times you encounter the "chicle kid" [[South of The Border]].  This includes the four gum noncombats, the newer (somewhat rare) [[chicle de salchicha]] adventure (which was added around the same time as Season 8, when this minigame first appeared), and the [[Forget Not That I am an Ass|clover adventure]].

===Conservational Yule===
:<winner> has gone out of her way to save the forest. Way to go, <winner>.

Copied lumberjacks count.  Any of these monsters is known to work, regardless of how or where it is defeated:
*[[decent lumberjack]]
*[[lumberjack supervisor]]
*[[lumberjill]]
*[[lumberjuan]]

===Creative Holiday Feasting===
:<winner> has feasted prodigiously and creatively!

Basically the same as [[#Balanced_Diet_Comparison|Balanced Diet Comparison]] without the 30-day turnover.

===Daily Optimizer===
<Result message needed>

Who plans ahead the best? (Most Adventures from rollover gear last night)

===Death to Ninja!===
:<winner> is a ninja-murdering fool! They win!

This minigame counts how many ninja you have killed while wearing the [[Swashbuckling Getup]].

===Decisions, decisions?===
:<winner> is really working on their decision, they've really spent time with potential brothers and sisters.

Counts the number of turns each player has spent fighting on the [[Battlefield]] during the [[Mysterious Island Quest]]. The highest number of turns wins. 

===Deepest Diver===

This minigame counts your total [[Underwater adventuring#Pressure_Penalties|pressure penalty negation]] ("makes you a better diver").  This includes equipment and effects.

===DEFACE===
Which outfit fits best into a four-bit array? (most hexadecimal digits in the outfit name.) 

Minigame for Optimal Seasons. There are 16 hexadecimal symbols: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D, E, & F.

===Diagnosis: Murder===
:<winner> is the ultimate ghost diagnoser! <loser> is not.

This minigame counts the number of ghosts "diagnosed".  Diagnosis originally meant using a [[tongue depressor]] on a ghost; when the minigame reappeared in Season 12, it was changed slightly -- the ghost must also be ''defeated''.  (Previously, the optimal strategy involved using the tongue depressor and then fleeing with [[tattered scrap of paper|tattered scraps]].)

It is still unclear precisely which monsters count as ghosts for this minigame.  The list is ''not'' the same as that used by [[Pinch Ghost]].  So far, we know the following monsters count as ghosts for this minigame:
*[[Battlie Knight Ghost]]
*[[Claybender Sorcerer Ghost]]
*[[Dusken Raider Ghost]]
*[[ghost]]
*[[ghost miner]]
*[[Ghost of Fernswarthy's Grandfather]]
*[[sexy sorority ghost]]
*[[Space Tourist Explorer Ghost]]
*[[spooky ghost]]
*[[Whatsian Commando Ghost]]

And the following monsters ''do not'' count as ghosts for this minigame, despite seeming like they should:
*[[ancient protector spirit]]
*[[Protector Spectre]]
*[[chalkdust wraith]]
*[[hustled spectre]]
*[[Marcus Macurgeon]]

===Dressed in Rrrags===
Pirates don't be needin' no stinkin' fancy clothes, aye? (Shortest equipment names, 23 points for an empty slot.)

The lowest score wins for this minigame.

In Pirate Season, this minigame is called "Dressed in Rrrags".
In Optimal Season, this minigame is called "Outfit Compression".

===Dressed to the 9s===
:<winner> is dressed to the 9s. Also, the 0s, 1s, 2s, 3s, 4s, 5s, 6s, 7s and 8s.

1 point for each numerical digit in equipped items. Certain HTML-encoded special characters, such as the ū in [[frigid hankyū]], count as the numbers in their character code. This might be a bug.

===Dysmnesia: Butler===
:<winner> forgot to the kill the butler X microcenturies more recently than <loser>.

This minigame counts the amount of time since the player last ran away from [[Skelter Butleton, the Butler Skeleton]] (the shortest time wins).

The monster in question can only be encountered once per ascension.  He is unlocked by finding and reading the [[half of a memo]] from the ''combat'' version of the [[animated nightstand (Mahogany)]] (not the noncombat one).

If the loser has not run away from the Butler this season, X is displayed as a very large number (as of the start of season 13: 11,233,768).

As of season 13, X is displayed as a negative number; this is probably a bug. (This has since been fixed.)

===Embrace the Police===
Who has spent the most turns in crowd control at the Red Zeppelin? (Defeated the most non-straggling protesters in combat.) 

Up to 80 protestors can be defeated per ascension, as this portion of the quest is over after 80 protestors are cleared. This minigame only counts individual combats against protestors, so tricks for speeding up the quest such as utilizing the non-combats do not count as defeating protestors, and using special combat items such as the cigarette lighter will only give you minigame credit for defeating the enemy you were in combat with, and not the additional protestor clearing progress the item provides.

In Optimal Season, this minigame is called "Totally Optimal".

===Epic-urean===

This minigame counts total [[Hobo Power]].

===ERR_VOLUME_FULL===
Fewest things eaten.

===Exterminator, Too===
:<winner> won, because he/she has killed X% more rats.

This minigame counts the number of [[drunken rat]]s defeated in the [[Tavern Cellar]] during the Season.  A [[bunch of drunken rats]] counts for 3 points, and a [[drunken rat king]] counts for 5 points.  [[Release the Boots|Stomping]] a drunken rat into [[beastly paste|paste]] also counts for 1 point. [[Baron von Ratsworth]] is not drunk, and doesn't count.

If the loser has 0 points in this minigame, X is displayed as ∞.

An unlimited number of drunken rats may be fought by revisiting the faucet.

[[Copying|Copies]] of rats also count for this mini.  Note that while the drunken rat king cannot be copied, the [[bunch of drunken rats]] ''can'' be.

===Familiar Rotation===
:<winner>'s familiars are nicely balanced!

Who has kept their familiars in balance by rotating them each non-casual ascension? (Most unique familiars shown in ascension history since the season started.)

===Familiar Show===

This minigame compares familiar weight (heaviest wins).

In Season 38, safari season, this minigame was called "Beast Master".

===Fashion Show===
:The judges order you to prance about in your finest (currently equipped) hat, pants, and shirt.
:"<winner> is X more fashionable than <loser>," declares the judge.
:<winner> is filled with school pride, shaming <loser>.

Just like the pre-revamp mini, this adds up the base power of your hat, pants, and shirt, ignoring [[Tao of the Terrapin]].

In season 50, school season, this was called School Pride. This applied to future school seasons.

===Flowers Picked===

:<winner> is a true flower pirate.

This minigame counts the number of [[pretty flower]]s picked in PvP fights this Season.  It also includes pretty flowers produced as a result of a looting attempt tbat was foiled by a [[meat golem]].

In Season 20, pirate season, this minigame was called "Piratical Looting".

===Foreigner Reference===
:<winner>'s liver is both frozen and nearly dead. Go <winner>!

This minigame counts the number of "ice-cold" booze consumed.

The following boozes are known to count:
*[[ice-cold fotie]]
*[[ice-cold Sir Schlitz]]
*[[ice-cold Willer]]
*[[ice stein]] (adds 6, not 8 to the score)

The following boozes do ''not'' count:
*[[can of Swiller]]
*[[Cold One]]
*[[iced plum wine]]

===Fotoshop.CS11.Keygen.exe [legit]===
This minigame counts the number of {{plural|digital key lime pie}} eaten in-season.

===Free.Willy.1993.1080p.BRRip.x265.t orrent===
This minigame counts the number of [[Rotten dolphin thief | dolphins]] defeated.

In its first appearance in Season 43, this mini was for "Most dolphins fought" rather than defeated. In all occurrences since, it has been for dolphins defeated.

===(Fur) Shirts and Skins===

This minigame counts how many furs and skins you have collected from combats. They have to drop naturally from a combat (pickpockets and other non-drop methods don't count).

===Garrrgle Blaster Collector===
:<winner> has braved the depths of the basement more often, he wins!

This minigame counts how many [[Pan-Dimensional Gargle Blaster]]s you have obtained this season.

In Season 34, ice season, this minigame was called "Burrowing Deep". This applied to future ice seasons.

In Optimal Season, this minigame is called "Obviously Optimal".

===Grave Robbery===
:<winner> recently dug in to the ground in a fit of bear verb induced orgiastic discovery.... or something. 

Fewest hours since encountering [[Bear Verb Orgy]].

In Season 38, safari season, this minigame was called "Bear Hunter". This applied to future safari seasons.

===Hold Your Nose===
:<winner> seems to be immune to all manner of funk.

Higher stench resistance wins.


===Hibernation Preparation===
:<winner> has really been packing the pounds on to their familiar, and wins!

Most experience gained by familiars at the end of combat. 

This mini featured in seasons 47 and 52 (holiday seasons). It returned in season 57, school season, under the name "Freshman Fifteen".

===How Hung Over Are You?===

This minigame compares yesterday's drunkenness level (highest wins).

===Icy Hunter===
:<winner> has chased the most Ice Skates out of the skate park!

This minigame counts how many [[ice skate]]s have been defeated this season. [[Release the Boots|Stomped]] ice skates also count.

In Season 24, ice season, this minigame was renamed into "Ice Hunter".

===Illegal Operation===
This minigame counts the number of {{plural|bottle of goofballs}} purchased this season.

===Innuendo Master===
:Would the judges hold it against <winner> if <they> fell from heaven or something?

Bonus sleaze damage + bonus sleaze spell damage from equipment and effects. Essentially an element-swap of Ready to Melt.

===Installation Wizard===
This minigame counts the number of {{plural|dilapidated wizard hat}} acquired by defeating [[swamp owl]]s.

1 point for each [[dilapidated wizard hat]] acquired by defeating a [[swamp owl]]. Pickpocketing does ''not'' count.

===Iron Palate===
This minigame counts the number of "spicy" foods eaten this season.

Only foods that have "spicy" in their name, regardless of capitalization, count.

===Karmic Battle===
:<winner> has gained X karma this season, compared to <loser>'s Y. <winner> wins!
:After a brief call to Uncle Crimbo's people, <winner> is declared "nicest."
:<winner> has really been learning a lot!

This minigame counts the amount of [[Karma]] earned this Season.  The Karma is only counted after you arrive in [[Valhalla]], and only includes Karma for your ascension; it does ''not'' include Karma received for discarding [[Instant Karma]].

The 11 Karma from a Casual ascension, or prematurely ending an ascension, is also not counted.

In Season 15, pirate season, this minigame was called "Karrrmic Battle".

In Season 16, holiday season, this minigame was called "On the Nice List".

In Season 27, school season, this minigame was called "Lifelong Learning". This applied to future school seasons.

===Laconic Dresser===
:<winner>'s description of his wardrobe is snappier than <loser>'s, even if the wardrobe itself isn't.

This minigame counts the total length (in "characters") of the names of all equipment worn.  The '''lowest''' total wins.  An empty equipment slot counts as 23 points.

Empty slots include the offhand slot when wielding a two-handed weapon, the shirt slot when the player does not have [[Torso Awaregness]] or [[Best Dressed]], and the familiar equipment slot when the player cannot use familiars.

"Characters" are not as straightforward as they may appear.  Items with non-ASCII characters, or with HTML metacharacters, were originally counted according to their HTML-encoded names.  Later, CDMoyer changed this. <!-- having trouble finding the forum thread... -->

===Least Bland===
This minigame counts the total number of effects.  Largest number wins.

===Least Boring Slideshow===
:A large screen descends from the ceiling, and a slideshow is displayed, featuring all the locations each contestant has visited in the past several days.<br /><br />
:Unfortunately for <loser>, the judges fall asleep during his/her slideshow and <winner> wins the round.

This minigame counts the number of different [[locations]] (snarfblats) visited in the past X days.  The number of days has varied from Season to Season.

In Season 2 where this minigame first appeared, the Booth said it counted visits in the past 5 days, but it is ''believed'' that the actual time period was longer (possibly 7 or 10 days).  When the minigame appeared again in Seasons 8 and 13, the booth said 10 days.

Prior to Season 13, this minigame counted locations visited before the start of the PvP Season.  As of Season 13, only locations visited since the start of the Season are counted.

Prior to Season 13, there was no native in-game way to determine which zones you had visited recently.  A "preview slideshow" tracker was added in Season 13 (in the Information Booth), listing the qualifying zones you have visited, and a day count since your last visit to each one.  (The day counts were added shortly after the start of the Season.)

During Glitch seasons, this minigame is called "HTTP 301 Moved Permanently".

There are some locations that don't have snarfblat numbers, but which ''do'' count for this minigame:
*[[Inside of Itznotyerzitz Mine|Itznotyerzitz Mine (in Disguise)]]

And there are some locations which ''do not'' count for this minigame, even though they have snarfblat numbers:
*[[The Prince's Ball (In the Restroom)]]
*[[The Prince's Ball (On the Dance Floor)]]
*[[The Prince's Ball (The Kitchen)]]
*[[The Prince's Ball (On the Balcony)]]
*[[The Prince's Ball (The Lounge)]]
*[[The Prince's Ball (At the Canapés Table)]]
It is not yet known whether this is considered a bug.

===Letter of the Moment===
:<winner> wins with his X letters! <!--does this change to "her" if female?-->

This minigame counts the total number of times a specific letter appears in the names of all equipment worn.  The letter is chosen at random every 90,000 seconds (25 hours) or so.  The Information Booth displays the current letter, the ''next'' letter, and the number of seconds until the letter changes, so players can prepare.

The next letter may be the same as the current letter.

As with Laconic and Verbosity, the count of "letters" in item names has not traditionally been straightforward.  For example, the ™ character (which is HTML-encoded as <tt><nowiki>&amp;trade;</nowiki></tt>) counted 1 point for '''R'''.  This may have changed (needs research).

In Pirate seasons, the letter is always '''R'''.

In Glitch seasons, this minigame is called "ASCII-7 of the moment". The letter is always '''A'''.

In School seasons, this minigame is called "Spirit Day".

===Lightest Load===

This minigame compares the total power of each player's hat, shirt and pants (lowest total wins).

In Optimal Season, this minigame is called "Optimal Dresser".

===Liver of the Damned===
:The judges perform an exorcism, <winner>'s liver succumbs quickly, because it is super cursed.

This minigame compares how many {{plural|cursed bottle of rum}} or {{plural|cursed bottle of black-label rum}} each played has drunk this season.

===Living Forever===
This minigame compares players' current Fame (highest wins).

===Loot Hunter===
This minigame compares players' total item drop bonus (highest wins).

In Optimal Season, this minigame is called "The Optimal Stat".

===Maul Power===
:<winner> is ready to maul and crush and smash and otherwise destroy in an ursine manner! Rwarrr!

*Highest [[Bonus Weapon Damage]] wins.
*The Information Booth will claim that [[bauxite beret]] increases your weapon damage, but fails to do so when actually comparing against someone else. Possibly a bug.

===Meat Lover===
:<winner> is the best at gathering meat!

This minigame compares players' total [[Meat from Monsters|meat drop bonus]] (highest wins). It includes all equipment, passive skills, effects and intrinsics but does not include bonuses from familiars, [[Pasta Thralls]], minstrels or companions.

===Microbrew and You===
:<winner> loves that Gnomish brew more, so <winner> wins!

This minigame counts the total number of booze items consumed from [[The Gnomish Micromicrobrewery]].  They need not be different items.

(During Optimal Season, this mini-game is called "Craft Brew is Optimal")

===Moarrr Booze!===
Who is most adept at finding more booze. (Highest +booze drops)

:The judges give <winner> and <loser> 37 minutes to collect booze. <winner> comes back with X% more booze, and takes the day.
:<winner> is spreading spirit-infused Holiday Cheer fare{{sic}} and wide. She wins!

X is listed as ∞ if the loser's score is 0.

In Season 16, holiday season, this minigame was called "Holiday Spirit(s)!". This applied to future holiday seasons.

In Season 20, pirate season, this minigame was called "Moarrrrrr Booze!". 

In season 30, ice season, this minigame was called "A Nice Cold One". This applied to future ice seasons.

In Season 31, also a pirate season this minigame was called "Thirrrsty forrr Booze"

===Most Murderous===
:<winner> has a boss-defeating streak a mile long.
:<winner> has a heart filled with wintery hate.

This minigame counts the number of "bosses" defeated this Season.

In Season 17, ice season, this minigame was called "Icy Revenge". This applied to future ice seasons.

As of Season 19, the list of [[bosses]] eligible for this mini was heavily revised. Rough estimate by CDMoyer is that around 140 different bosses qualify.  (This number includes variations on standard bosses in different challenge paths.)  Some "obvious" bosses do not count, such as [[Ed the Undying]], who used to count at the beginning of Season 2, but was changed multiple times and currently does not, and the first three forms of your Nemesis, though the fourth form does count. Bosses that can be fought repeatedly in a run, such as [[Tomb rat king|rat kings]], do not count.

===Most Saisons===

This minigame counts the total number of {{plural|Saison du Lune}} drunk this Season.

This booze is only available in Hardcore if a player owns (and uses) a [[Li'l Xenomorph]] familiar (or on rare days in [[The Gnomish Micromicrobrewery]]. The IOTM ownership bias means this minigame is unlikely to reappear.

===Most Things Eaten===
:<winner> has more bits of stuff stuck in <their> teeth than <loser> does.

This minigame counts the total number of food items eaten this Season.  They need not be different.

===Most Unbalanced===

This minigame compares the ratio of each player's buffed main stat to the sum of the other two buffed stats.  That is, score = Main / (Secondary + Tertiary).

To optimize this mini, reduce your offstats to 1 (via poison and other negative status effects).  The simplicity of this strategy may be the reason this minigame has not reappeared since Season 6.

===Mostly Not Poisoned===
:Using a not-really-that-ill-ometer, the Judges determine that <winner> is more not really that poisoned.

This minigame counts current turns of the [[A Little Bit Poisoned]] effect (highest wins).

(At the beginning of Season 12, this minigame incorrectly awarded ties to all players who had any nonzero number of turns of the effect. This was fixed after a few days.)

===Mystery Contest===

Each time this minigame appears, it is different.  The nature of the minigame is not revealed to players; it must be [[spading|spaded]].

In Season 1, the Mystery Contest counted the number of {{plural|baggie of powdered sugar}} in each player's Display Case.  The post-fight text included an indication of the relative scores.

In Season 2, the Mystery Contest counted the length of the active familiar's name (modulo 10) and the number of adventures remaining.  ([http://hardcoreoxygenation.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=110123#p110123 spading])

In Season 3, the Mystery Contest counted the number of different items in each player's mall store priced at 999 Meat or less. ([http://hardcoreoxygenation.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=7218#p110359 spading])

In Season 6, the Mystery Contest counted your total Meat on hand (modulo 100), with some undetermined additional factor(s). ([http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com/vb/showpost.php?p=4441591&postcount=47 spading])

In Season 18, there are two mystery contests: "Hah, It's a Mystery!" and "It's a Mystery, Also!".
:Hah, It's a Mystery! counts the number of adventures spent in a [[Drunken Stupor]] in your current ascension.
:It's a Mystery, Also! is the same as [[#Verbosity Demonstration|Verbosity]] - the total length (in "characters") of the names of all equipment worn (including familiar equipment).

===Newest Born===
:<winner> has just crystallized on the grass, ready to greet the world. <loser> is old and crusty.
:<winner> went back to basics most recently.
:<winner> is so fresh and new, their cynicism is so underdeveloped that they believe all the things they are taught!

This minigame compares the amount of time since each player last exited Valhalla (shortest time wins).

This minigame typically counts time using unusual units.  In Season 4, it counted time in microcenturies.

In Ice Season, this is called "Frostily Ephemeral".

In Numeric Season, this is called "Back to Square One".

In Glitch Season, this is called "SELECT asc_time FROM zzz_players WHERE player_id=%playerid%".

In Seasoning Season, this is called "Freshest Taste" .

In School Season, this is called "Freshman Rule!"

In Optimal Season, this is called "Optimal Ascension".

===New Tastes===
This minigame counts the highest +food drop bonuses.  

===Nog Lover===
:Wowsers, <winner> really loves eggnog. <loser> can't keep up with that many NPH!

Eggnog counts whether it's [[eggnog|regular]], [[spooky eggnog|spooky]], [[nanite-infested eggnog|nanite-infested]], [[gamma nog|gamma]], [[green eggnog|green]], [[oozenog|ooze]], [[robin nog|robin]] or [[haunted eggnog|haunted]].

===Operation: Nemesis===
This minigame counts the amount of time since the player last defeated his/her [[Me and My Nemesis|Nemesis]] (shortest time wins).

===Optimal Drinking===
:<winner> has combined their enchanting and drinking optimally.

Gaining turns an effect by drinking booze increases score by the number of turns of the effect. Drinking non-alcoholic [[Category:Beverages|beverages]] doesn't help. Gaining or losing the effects' turns later doesn't affect your score. (Adventuring or using a [[Platinum Yendorian Express Card]] is irrelevant to this minigame.) Impressively, you can get points using [[Temps Tempranillo]], even if the effect it extends isn't normally available from booze.

Losing turns of an effect from drinking a buff-granting booze decrements your score by the number of turns of the effect used, to a minimum of 0 (your score will never decrease). Notable effects this applies to are [[The Ode to Booze]], [[Beer Barrel Polka]] and [[Salty Mouth]].

===Out of the Frying Pan===
:<winner> has been blessed more recently by the Deep Fat Friars.

This minigame compares the amount of time since each player last received an effect from the Deep Fat Friars (shortest time wins).

The time is measured in seconds.  Ascension sets the time to "never" (the Information Booth reports this as the number of seconds since the Unix epoch -- midnight January 1, 1970 UTC -- or about 1.4 billion seconds).

===Pirate Warrrs!===
:<winner> has been on a killing spree, murdering X more pirates yesterday.

This minigame counts the number of [[:Category:Pirates|pirates]] defeated in combat ''yesterday'', but will not count pirates killed on the day prior to the start of a new Pirate Season.

===Purity===
:<winner> is as pure as the driven snow. Or is at least X% purer than <loser>.
:<winner>'s aura is pure like the fur or{{sic}} a polar bear!
:<winner> is ready to soak up all the knowledge.

This minigame counts the number of active effects; the player with the ''fewest'' effects wins.  Intrinsics do not count.

Originally, everything listed under "Effects" on the left panel counted.  Later, timers were excluded.  Still later, any effect that is not decremented by PvP fights was excluded.

If both players have 0 effects, X is displayed as ∞.

In season 19, bear season, this minigame was called "Polar Envy". This applied to future bear seasons.

In season 27, school season, this minigame was called "An Open Mind". This applied to future school seasons.

===Purrrity===
:<winner> wins. Arrr.

Like Purity, but only counts effects containing an R.  Intrinsics and effects that are not decremented by PvP do not count.

===Quality Assurance===
This minigame counts the number of [[:Category:Bugs | bugs]] defeated in combat.

===Raw Carnivorery===

This minigame counts the total number of items with the word "meat" in their names eaten this Season.

The following foods can '''potentially''' count toward the challenge:
*[[Consummate meatloaf]]
*[[Dead meat bun]]
*[[Raw mincemeat]]
*[["meat" stick]]
*[[Alien meat]]
*[[Beefy fish meat]]
*[[Glistening fish meat]]
*[[Moosemeat pie]]
*[[Slick fish meat]]
*[[Lab-grown meat]]
*[[Meatball]]
*[[VYKEA meatballs]]

===Ready to melt===
:<loser> seems like an ice-lover. <winner> is ready to melt some ice, though! Go <winner>!
:<winner> is on fire!
:<winner> is hot for those teachers. Whooooo!

This minigame counts the total bonus [[Hot#Damage|Hot damage]] of the player -- [[Bonus Weapon Damage]] as well as [[Bonus Spell Damage]] that applies to Hot spells.  E.g. [[Song of Sauce (effect)|Song of Sauce]] counts for 100 points, but a [[kickback cookbook]] does not count at all.  (It does ''not'' count damage you've actually dealt.)

In Season 21, numeric season, this was called "Fahrenheit 451". This applied to future numeric seasons.

In Season 57, school season, this was called "Hot for Teacher".

===Really Bloody===

This minigame counts the number of [[Bloody_mary|bloodies mary]] and [[Extra-spicy bloody mary|extra-spicy bloodies mary]] drunk this Season.

''(The extra-spicy variety didn't used to count before 5 March 2024.)''

===Rule 42===
:<winner> is totally prepared hoopy frood.

1 point for each second since last taking the towel in [[Off the Rack]], lower score wins.

===Saltiest Mariner===

This minigame counts the number of {{plural|slug of vodka}} drunk this Season.

===Safari Chic===

This minigame compares the total auto-sell value of current equipment (highest wins).

===School Lunch===
:<winner> has really been pounding down those school lunches.

Oh boy, school lunch. I think it's even better than last year! (Most pizzas consumed.)

===Scurvy Challenge===
:The judges ship the contestants off on an across-the-sea voyage. <loser> succumbs to scurrrvy first. Arrrrr.

The following foods are confirmed to be considered citrus fruits:
*[[grapefruit]]
*[[haunted orange]]
*[[kumquat]]
*[[lemon]]
*[[lime]]
*[[orange]]
*[[pixel lemon]]
*[[sea tangelo]]
*[[tangerine]]
*[[vinegar-soaked lemon slice]]

===Searrrching for Booty===
:<winner> really smashed this one, breaking more barrels than <loser>.
Who has smashed the most barrrrels, looking for booty? (In the barrrrel full of barrrrels.)

===Sharing the Love===
:<winner> has spread so much "love." They just give their "love" to anyone they can, If you know what I mean.
:<winner> has spread their claws wide and wrapped them around the backs of numerous food sources... friends.

This minigame counts the number of different opponents defeated while attacking this Season.  (This does not include defensive victories.)

In season 17, the ice season, this minigame had "(to stay warm)" appended to its name. This applied to future ice seasons.

In season 19, bear season, this minigame was called "Bear Hugs All Around". This applied to future bear seasons.

In season 38, safari season, this minigame was called "Fair Game". This applied to future safari seasons.

===Showing Initiative===

This minigame compares total [[Combat Initiative]] (highest wins).

===Snootee Customer Loyalty===
:<winner> has been a more loyal customer of Chez Snootee, so <winner> wins!
:<winner> has a real taste for the delicacies of Little Canadia.
:<winner> loves Chez Snootee... and the taste of lumberjacks, I assume.

This minigame counts the total number of items eaten from [[Chez Snootee]] this Season.  They need not be different items.

In season 17, ice season, this minigame was called "Frozen Dinners". This applied to future ice seasons.

In season 19, bear season, this minigame was called "Northern Digestion". This applied to future bear seasons.

===Snow Patrol===
:<winner> really knows how to save a life. They have spent some serious time, seriously protected from the cold, seriously fighting to... do something about Hippies and Frats.

This minigame counts the total counts the total number of Hippy/Frat War opponents defeated, like [[#What_is_it_Good_For?|What is it Good For?]], but also requires Stupendous (+4) [[Cold#Resistance|Cold Resistance]] to add score.  The opponents don't necessarily have to be defeated on [[The Battlefield]] -- [[copying|copied]] enemies also count.

===Sooooper Sneaky===

:Looks like <winner> has embraced the spirit of Peace on Earth. <winner> wins!
:<winner> be smellin' all fresh and clean. Arrrrrggh.
This minigame compares the total [[Combat Frequency]] modifiers; the most negative (noncombat) modifier wins.

The readout from the Information Booth is often used to spade new combat rate modifiers to determine their actual strength.

In Season 16, holiday season, this minigame was called "Peace on Earth". This applied to future holiday seasons.

In Season 20, pirate season, this minigame was called "Smellin' Like a Stinkin' Rose". This applied to future pirate seasons.

As of Season 66, a pirate season, it was confirmed to have a cap of 35 "Highest rate of +non-combat".

===Space Tripper===

This minigame compares each player's highest score on [[Space Trip]] this Season.  The highest high score wins.

===Spelunker===
:<winner> has descended more levels into the Depths of Below Fernswarthy's Ruined Tower this season, and is declared the winner.

This minigame counts the total number of levels of [[Fernswarthy's Basement]] traversed during the Season.

===Spice Farmer===
This minigame counts the number of spices dropped by monsters after combat.

The spices have to **drop** from monster combat.  [[Pickpocket|Pickpocketing]], [[spice ghost]], [[Fourth of May Cosplay Saber|Saber forcing]], etc. don't count.

===Spirit of Gnoel===
:<winner> really has it out for those gnomes. He has a murderous stream many, many gnanometers wide.

The followigng mognsters are kgnowgn to cougnt:
*[[sk8 gnome]]

===Spirit of Noel===
:<winner> has embraced the Spirit of Noel. Looks like <loser> really loves those Ls. LLLLoser.

Note that this counts the actual ''number of Ls'' in each effect, as opposed to [[#Purrrity|Purrrity]] which only counts the number of ''effects''.  (This also counts Ls in equipment, which makes it similar to [[#Laconic_Dresser|Laconic Dresser]].)

===Swimming with the Fishes===

This minigame counts the total number of turns spent adventuring [[The Sea|underwater]] this Season.  (Adventuring without [[Fishy]] takes 2 turns and counts as 2 points.)

===Tea for 2, 3, 4 or More===
:<winner> sure loves tea.

1 point for each tea item consumed, higher score wins. Teas known to count include:

* [[Corpse Island iced tea]]
* [[cup of lukewarm tea]]
* [[cup of "tea"]]
* [[hippy herbal tea]]
* [[Ice Island Long Tea]]
* [[Mysterious Island iced tea]]
* [[New Zealand iced tea]]
* [[Tea, Earl Grey, Hot]]

Teas known ''not'' to count include:

*any teas from the [[Potted tea tree]]
* [[homeopathic mint tea]]
* [[Irish Coffee, English Heart]]
* [[Texas tea]]
* [[tea for one]]

===System Clock Reset===
This minigame counts the number {{plural|White Canadian}} drunk in-season.


===That Britney Spears Number===
:<winner> is not that innocent. They win!

This minigame counts the number of [[Spooky vampire (Spooky Forest)]]s killed while wielding [[Wooden stakes]].

===That's a Spicy Tomato===
This minigame counts the number of {{plural|extra-spicy bloody mary}} consumed.

===The Chalk Dust Fiasco===
:<winner> is certainly a teacher's pet, taking out more wraiths than <loser>.

This minigame counts the number of [[chalkdust wraith]]s killed.

===The Egg Hunt===
:After 45 seconds (why did they pick 45 seconds?) the judges count the eggs. <winner> wins, with a grand total of X eggs, compared to <loser>'s Y.

This minigame assigns points based on total [[Items from Monsters|item drop bonus]].  It includes all equipment, passive skills, effects and intrinsics but does ''not'' include bonuses from familiars, [[Pasta Thralls]], minstrels or companions.

The number of "eggs" shown in the post-fight text is '''3 + ceil(item/10)''' where '''item''' is the item drop bonus.

===Trophy Stacking Match===
:<winner> stacks their trophies X higher than <loser> and wins the round!

Just like the pre-revamp mini, more trophies wins.

===True Pirate===
:<winner> appears to be a consummate grogmaster.

Who has consumed the most grog?

===Unbroken Holiday Spirit===
:<winner> has really been keeping their spirits up! The judges applaud his holiday spirit and <loser> is shamed with the loss.
Longest current streak of successful random attacks.

===Upward Mobility Contest===
<!-- regular results message goes here -->
:<winner> has gained more fame than <loser>. <winner> is beary famous.
:<winner> has been hogging all the limelight, spotlight, bright lights and everything else!

This minigame counts total Fame Gained this season.

Fame Gained does not decrease when you lose Fame.

In Bear Season, this minigame is called "Beary Famous".
In Numeric Season, this minigame is called "15 Minutes of Fame".
In Optimal Season, this miigame is called "Optimal PvP".

===Verbosity Demonstration===
:Both contestants start going through the list of their gear, naming each piece. <loser> finishes, but <winner> keeps going for at least another X seconds.

This minigame counts the total length (in "characters") of the names of all equipment worn (including familiar equipment).  The largest total wins.

X is the difference in length (characters) between the winner's and loser's outfits.

"Characters" are not as straightforward as they may appear.  Items with non-ASCII characters, or with HTML metacharacters, were originally counted according to their HTML-encoded names.  Later, CDMoyer changed this. <!-- having trouble finding the forum thread... -->

===Visiting The Cousins===
:<winner> has spent the most time in the pens.

Highest total turns spent in [[The Bugbear Pens]] wins. For a short time at the beginning of the seasons, the post-Felonia pens erroneously did not count. This was swiftly fixed.

During Glitch seasons, this minigame is called "Visiting The Co@^&$`~*".

===Well-Rounded===
:<msg>

This minigame randomly chooses an offstat (Mysticality or Moxie for muscle classes, etc) and compares it between the players. This choice is apparently random for every instance of comparison.

===What is it Good For?===
:<winner> is a more enthusiastic warmonger than <loser>.

This minigame counts the total number of Hippy/Frat War opponents defeated.  This includes [[copying|faxed (and otherwise copied)]] enemies.

Any [[wandering monsters]] that appear on [[The Battlefield]] do ''not'' count for this mini.  That includes [[trendy bugbear chef]]s in [[Bugbear Invasion]].

===Who Runs Bordertown?===
:<winner> is X% more familiar with the ins and outs of Thugnderdome than <loser> is, so <winner> wins!

This minigame counts the total number of turns spent in [[Thugnderdome]] this Season.

If the loser has 0 points in this minigame, X is displayed as ∞.

===Who Will Not Not Eat Them===

This minigame counts [[green hamhock]]s eaten this Season.

===Who's the Boss?===
:<winner> knows who's the boss and has shown everyone.

This minigame counts the number of schools of fish defeated in combat. The following schools of fish qualify:
*[[school of gummi piranhas]]
*[[school of many]]
*[[school of wizardfish]]

===With Your Bare Hands===

This minigame counts the number of [[:Category:Beasts|beasts]] you have defeated without anything equipped in either hand. Kills must cost an adventure to count (no free kills). You can use spells and/or combat items and it will still count.

===Wine Tasting Contest===

:<winner> has been guzzling unique boozes left and right! Ahoy there, liver!
:<winner> has really been broadening his/her liver's horizons. Go <winner>!

This minigame counts the number of different booze items drunk in the last 30 days, or since the start of the Season, whichever is later.

You can see which booze items you've drunk recently by going to your character sheet, clicking "Favorite Booze", scrolling down to the bottom, and clicking "Sort by Recentness of Consumption".

In season 20, pirate season, this minigame was called "Pirate's Favorite Drink". In season 57, school season, it was called "Horizon Broadening".

===Whatever, Here's a 13th Mini===
:<winner> is totally not on the Dev Team.

Devsters have a score of 0. All other players have a score of 1. This mini won't appear if neither player is on the Dev Team.

===Zero Tolerance===
:<winner> has been really successful and not drinking too much this season! Congrats!

1 point per booze item consumed since season start, lower score wins. Drunkenness acquired through [[Mayodiol]] does ''not'' count.

==See Also==
*[[PvP Season History]]