View source for A Diseased Procurer

{{adventuretop|image=procurer.gif|name=A Diseased Procurer|num=356}}

You duck down an alley and find that it's home to a makeshift open-air market. Stalls line each side of the street, with people of every ethnicity and planet of origin selling anything imaginable -- and from the looks of it, a few things it's never even occurred to you to imagine.

"Mouse on a stick! Delicious fried mouse on a stick!" someone waves a disgusting lump of meat on a skewer at you.

"That looks like a rat, not a mouse," you say. "And it appears to be grilled, not fried."

The dirty little man waving the stick pauses for a moment, then thrusts it in your face again. "Grilled rat on a stick? Only two credits, and at that price, I'm cutting my own head off!"

"No thanks."

"Well then," he says, "maybe there's something else I can procure for you. I'm a man who knows how to procure things. I'm a procurer. You name it, I procure it. I'm a procurer. I'm pro-cure. Procuring is my trade. I specialize in procurement of goods and services."

"I get the point," you say, turning to leave.

"Wait, wait! What's your pleasure: flesh or metal?" the little man says, following you down the alley.

"Look, I really don't --"

"Flesh? Or metal?"

----
{{button|The Flesh}}
"Ah, yes, truly a man after my own heart! Who does not enjoy dabbling in the pleasures of the flesh, eh?" the man says, elbowing you enthusiastically. He produces a card with an address written on it. "Go to this address, tell them that Self-Decapitating Nick sent you, and enjoy!"

"Thanks," you say, taking the card from his greasy fingers.

"Sure you don't want that rat on a stick?"

"No. I have to go shower. A lot."

{{acquire|item=Blue Milk Club Card}}

----
{{button|The Metal}}

"Ah, a man after my own heart! Who doesn't enjoy the clang and crash of metal on metal, eh? Can't call yourself a real man unless you're into that, eh?" he says, elbowing you enthusiastically. He pulls out a card with an address on it. "Tell 'em Self-Decapitating Nick sent you, and enjoy!" he says, shaking your hand and doing that creepy palm-caressing thing with one greasy fingertip. "Sure you don't want that rat on a stick?"

"No thanks," you say. "I need to go shower. A lot."

{{acquire|item=Mecha Mayhem Club Card}}
----
Occurs at [[Seaside Megalopolis]] as a result of choosing the "Stay Downtown" option in [[Savior Faire]].

==References==
*The character in this adventure is a homage to [[Wikipedia:Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler|Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler]], a salesman from the ''[[Wikipedia:Discworld|Discworld]]'' series of novels.