View source for Crys-Rock

{{battle
|text=The ground beneath you begins to rumble. "Great," you think to yourself, "more of this rock monster crap. This is really awesome, and is by no means dragging on or getting old or boring."

Before you can figure out whether you're being sarcastic or not, the rumbling increases far beyond anything you've felt recently, and you start looking around for something to grab hold of so you don't get knocked ass over teakettle by the quaking ground.

As the tectonic crescendo reaches its peak, a massive humanoid figure emerges from the ground, all boulders and shimmering crystals. Its head is the size of a dump truck (though not the ''shape'',) and gnashing crystalline teeth rim its gaping maw.

"Who... who are you?" you stammer.

"'''I AM CRYS-ROCK'''," he replies in a booming voice. He doesn't explicitly say it, but you get the sense he's pretty angry at you about all the rock monsters you've been indiscriminately pulverizing lately.
|hit=He clotheslines you with his massive arm, as heavy as an I-beam. Then he shoots you with a magic eye-beam. {{ouch|3}}

He bites your {{part}} off with his gnashing crystal teeth. {{ouch|3}}

He blows you over with a powerful gust of wind from his crystalline mouth. You might call it a... crystal gale. {{ouch|cold}} {{element|cold}}

He elbows you with an arm heavy enough to flatten you like a pancake. At least he doesn't cover you with maple syrup afterwards.
{{ouch|3}}

|miss=He opens his mouth to bite you, but instead tells you some jokes about how brown rock monsters are different from grey rock monsters.

He reaches back to hit you, but pauses to tell you some anecdotes about what it was like growing up in a house full of giant rock monsters.

Instead of attacking you, he tells you a series of stories about how much things have changed since he got married.
|critical=He swallows you whole, and it turns out that the massive cavern that passes for his stomach is filled with boiling magma. It takes you a few minutes to crawl back out his mouth, and you're burned over most of your body. {{ouch|3}} {{element|hot}}
|fumble=He swallows you whole, but you manage to deliberately get stuck in his craw. That's gotta be pretty annoying for him.}}

{{acquire|item=crystallized memory}}
{{acquire|item=control crystal}}
{{acquire|item=floaty inverse geode}}
{{stat|?}}

==Notes==
*Once Crys-Rock is defeated, this encounter no longer occurs.

==References==
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Rock|Chris Rock]] is a comedian known for his loud, angry style, and jokes similar to the miss messages. The bit about "growing up in a house full of giant rock monsters" specifically alludes to the TV show ''[[Wikipedia:Everybody Hates Chris|Everybody Hates Chris]]'', which is set in his childhood.
* The third hit message refers to singer [[Wikipedia:Crystal Gayle|Crystal Gayle]].
* The first line in the description is most likely a reference to most of the complaints the players gave to Jick about the event.

==See Also==
*[[Rock monsters]]

[[Category:Rock monsters]]