View source for Mad Hatrack Messages (O-Z)

The [[Mad Hatrack]] familiar has different combat messages depending on what [[hats|hat]] it wears.

===O===
*''[[oil cap]]:''
<center>''No messages''</center>
*''[[Ol' Scratch's stovepipe hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=Ol' Scratch's stovepipe hat|text=<Name> mutters "Nee-oony-wanna. Nee-oony-wanna." and a gout of flame engulfs your opponent, dealing {{element|Hot|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[opera mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=opera mask|text=<Name> sings the music of the night. The spooky high notes hit <it> for {{element|Spooky|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=opera mask|text=<Name> shouts "Sing, my monster of music! Sing for me!" at <him>. <He> dutifully sings as loud as <he> can, getting quite out of breath by the time he finishes.|type=combat}}
*''[[orange peel hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=orange peel hat|text=<Name> says "DO NOT WANT" and smacks it for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=orange peel hat|text=<Name> smiles hopefully and says, "I can has cheezburger?"|type=combat}}
*''[[orange traffic cone]]:''
{{useitem|item=orange traffic cone|text=<Name> dances around singing "I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights," over and over, winking crazily.|type=combat}}
*''[[Orcish baseball cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Orcish baseball cap|text=<Name> gives her an atomic wedgie. <it> looks profoundly uncomfortable.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Orcish baseball cap|text=<Name> says "hey bra, we got some new pledges to paddle!" and grins with anticipation.|type=combat}}
*''[[oriole-feather headdress]]:''
{{useitem|item=oriole-feather headdress|text=<Name> gives it an Indian burn, doing X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=oriole-feather headdress|text=<Name> sees someone nearby picking up litter, and smiles instead of shedding a single tear.|type=combat}}
*''[[outrageous sombrero]]:''
{{useitem|item=outrageous sombrero|text=<Name> does a perfectly fabulous hat-dance, stomping around the hat and dropping you a wink as he shouts "Au lait!"|type=combat}}
*''[[oversized skullcap]]:''
{{useitem|item=oversized skullcap|text=<Name> grins and giggles as the oversized helmet spins on top of him like a plate.|type=combat}}
*''[[oxygenated eggnog helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=oxygenated eggnog helmet|text=<Name> wanders between you and your opponent, choking and sputtering in the eggnog helmet.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=oxygenated eggnog helmet|text=<Name> dances around, choking and sputtering in the eggnog helmet|type=combat}}

===P===
*''[[pail]]:''
{{useitem|item=pail|text=<Name> takes the pail off and drums vigorously on it, swaying to the beat. Then he looks annoyed when you don't part with your spare meat.|type=combat}}
*''[[panhandle panhandling hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=panhandle panhandling hat|text=<Name> holds out his hat and says, "got any spare meat for a gentleman down on his luck?"|type=combat}}
*''[[paperclip turban]]:''
{{useitem|item=paperclip turban|text=<Name> contemplates the situation for a moment, then headbutts your opponents five times, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[papier-mitre]]:''
{{useitem|item=papier-mitre|text=<Name> smiles at you benevolently.|type=combat}}
*''[[paraffin pith helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=paraffin pith helmet|text="I say," says <Name>, simultaneously grinning and winking. "I say, 'I say,' is what I say." (+'''X''' Stats)|type=combat}}
*''[[parasitic headgnawer]]:''
{{useitem|item=parasitic headgnawer|text=<Name> leaps on your foe, devouring his face and dealing X damage. Yikes.|type=combat}}
*''[[party hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=party hat|text=<Name> says "<Name>, party of one," and winks broadly.|type=combat}}
*''[[passable elf mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=passable elf mask|text=<Name> goes to town on <it> with a pair of dental pliers, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[pentacorn hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=pentacorn hat|text=<Name> shouts "Give me X damage, or give me death! Or cake! Whichever!" and giggles as he smacks it up one side and down the other.|type=combat}}
*''[[pentagram bandana]]:''
{{useitem|item=pentagram bandana|text=<Name> lights a few candles and speaks in a voice deeper than his normal one and also more in Latin than his normal one. You feel energized. And a little scared. {{MP}}|type=combat}}
*''[[pickelhaube]]:''
{{useitem|item=pickelhaube|text=<Name> shouts, "RAUS! SCHNELL!" and headbutts your opponent with the spike on his helmet, doing X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=pickelhaube|text=<Name> hums "Ride of the Valkyries" as he swoops and dances across the battlefield.|type=combat}}
*''[[pig-iron helm]]:''
{{useitem|item=pig-iron helm|text=<Name> squeals like a delighted piggy as he spins in a dizzy circle. That'll do, <Name>. That'll do.|type=combat}}
*''[[pimpin' meat hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=pimpin' meat hat|text=<Name> pimp-slaps it for {{element|Sleaze|dmg=X}} damage. What a lowlife.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=pimpin' meat hat|text=<Name> smiles a pimpin' smile. Where'd he get that diamond grill?|type=combat}}
*''[[PirateRealm party hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=PirateRealm party hat|text=<Name> winks at you repeatedly, saying "arrrrrr" each time.|type=combat}}
*''[[pixel hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=pixel hat|text=<Name> says "I'm sorry, castle, but your Mario is in another Princess!" and grins wickedly.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=pixel hat|text=<Name> refashions the pixel hat into a boomerang and throws it at <it>, hitting for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[plaid cowboy hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=plaid cowboy hat|text=<Name> darts in front of your opponent and screams "HOWDY! HOWDY! HOWDY!"|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=plaid cowboy hat|text=<Name> winks at you and screams "GOOD ROOTIN' TOOTIN', PARDNER.|type=combat}}
*''[[plain paper hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=plain paper hat|text=<Name> says, "let be be finally of seem! I am the emperor of ice cream!" and throws a scoop of ice cream at him for {{element|Cold|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=plain paper hat|text=<Name> says, "my favorite flavor is dark chocolate with a caramel swirl, if you catch my drift," and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[plexiglass pith helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=plexiglass pith helmet|text=<Name> says, "this is a great safari! I love petting the pygmy elephants!" He smiles and winks as he pets his invisible elephant friend.|type=combat}}
*''[[pointy red hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=pointy red hat|text=<Name> winks and smiles at you mischievously. It's pretty creepy, gnome sayin'?|type=combat}}
*''[[polyester panama hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=polyester panama hat|text=<Name> shouts "Panama! Panama!" as he grins like a madman and winks each of his eyes in turn. |type=combat}}  
*''[[porcelain porkpie]]:''
{{useitem|item=porcelain porkpie|text="Vote for meeeeee!" shouts <Name> as he jabs a campaign button deep into your foe's flesh, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=porcelain porkpie|text="I am not a crook!" shouts <Name> as he dances around wildly.|type=combat}}
*''[[pottery hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=pottery hat|text=<Name> tries to use your opponent's bosom for a pillow, but only succeeds in buring{{sic}} <him> for {{element|Hot|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[powdered wig]]:''
{{useitem|item=powdered wig|text=<Name> steps in front of your oppoent and filibusters vigilantly, rendering him too bored to attack.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=powdered wig|text=<Name> delivers a rousing political speech.|type=combat}}{{HP}}{{MP}}
*''[[primitive alien mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=primitive alien mask|text="Pew pew! Pew pew!" shouts <Name>, as he throws rocks at your opponent, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[propeller beanie]]:''
{{useitem|item=propeller beanie|text=You trick your opponent into backing into <Name>'s rapidly-spinning propeller. It deals X damage, just like the time you shot that swordsman.|type=combat}}
*''[[psychic's circlet]]:''
{{useitem|item=psychic's circlet|text=puts his, uh, fingers to his, umm, temples? Anyway your opponent is riddled with mind-bullets for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[pumpkinhead mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=pumpkinhead mask|text=<Name> does a gangly-limbed dance and sings a spooky show tune.|type=combat}}

===R===
*''[[radiation-resistant helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=radiation-resistant helmet|text=<Name> hops back and forth, singing a song inside the helmet. It sounds like "Mmmmf mmmmm, mmm hmm mmm mmmmf."|type=combat}}
*''[[Radio Free Baseball Cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Radio Free Baseball Cap|text=<Name> cranks up the Amplitude and dances like KoL Moh Dee, then removes his Eyespeculum and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[raspberry beret]]:''
{{useitem|item=raspberry beret|text=<Name> tosses his beret into the air. For some reason, this causes <it> to freeze in <its> tracks.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=raspberry beret|text=<Name> does a few stanzas of beat poetry, then tosses you a wink when you applaud.|type=combat}}
*''[[ratty knitted cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=ratty knitted cap|text=It goes to attack you, but is too repulsed by <Name>'s hat to actually go through with it.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=ratty knitted cap|text=<Name> tosses his filthy hat into the air and cheers you on. You keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't land on you. (+'''X''' Stats)|type=combat}}
*''[[rave visor]]:''
{{useitem|item=rave visor|text=<Name> massages <him> with teatree oil while explaining the principles of Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect. <He> is too confused to attack this round.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=rave visor|text=<Name> asks you to explain why they build castles in the sky, and smiles wistfully as you explain.|type=combat}}
*''[[ravioli hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=ravioli hat|text=<Name> charges into battle, singing an Italian aria as he tramples <it> for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[red traffic cone]]:''
{{useitem|item=red traffic cone|text=<Name> says "Shhhh...I'm a garden gnome," and stares forward, frozen, with one eye squinted shut and a fixed smile.|type=combat}}
*''[[reinforced beaded headband]]:''
{{useitem|item=reinforced beaded headband|text=<Name> picks a flower and hands it to <it>. <It> looks confused and a little less willing to throw down.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=reinforced beaded headband|text=<Name> blisses out, spinning around in hippy ecstasy.|type=combat}}
*''[[rusty diving helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=rusty diving helmet|text=<Name> konks your opponent on the head with his diving helmet, disorienting <him/her/it> for a second.|type=combat}}

===S===
*''[[safarrri hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=safarrri hat|text=<Name> says, "last night, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. I don't know why I buy my pajamas so big!" and smiles at his 'joke.'|type=combat}}
*''[[samurai turtle helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=samurai turtle helmet|text=<Name> delivers a fierce karate chop to your opponent's neck|type=combat}}
*''[[Scalp of Gorgolok]]:''
{{useitem|item=Scalp of Gorgolok|text=<Name> does an entertaining impression of a seal dancing at a seal club. You unwind a bit and enjoy the show.|type=combat}} {{HP}} {{MP}}
*''[[sea cowboy hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=sea cowboy hat|text=<Name> says, "A hatrack's gotta do what a hatrack's gotta do," and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[seal-skull helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=seal-skull helmet|text=<Name> compares it to a kiss from a rose on the PAIN, smacking it for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[sealhide hood]]:''
{{useitem|item=sealhide hood|text=<Name> growls at <it>, "you gotta be DOWN with the HOODIE!" <It> looks a little shaken up.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=sealhide hood|text=<Name> barks like a barking mad seal, and headbutts <it> for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[Seasonal Beret]]:''
{{useitem|item=Seasonal Beret|text=Message needed|type=combat}}
*''[[sequined fez]]:''
{{useitem|item=sequined fez|text=<Name> says, "let me show you the secret handshake of fez-wearers. Oops, I don't have any fingers!" and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[shadow chef's hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=shadow chef's hat|text=Your foe recoils in terror at the sight of <Name>'s hat.|type=combat}}
*''[[shapeless wide-brimmed hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=shapeless wide-brimmed hat|text=<Name> says "Well... I guess I'd better be hittin' that dusty ol' trail," then immediately lies down to take a nap.|type=combat}}
*''[[silent beret]]:''
{{useitem|item=silent beret|text=<Name> opens his eyes very, very wide, and stares into you. Not at you, but into you. His face twists into a wry smile.|type=combat}}
*''[[sinister demon mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=sinister demon mask|text=<Name> shouts, "RUN, COWARD!" When <it> doesn't run, <Name> whacks <it> for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[skeletortoise]]:''
{{useitem|item=skeletortoise|text=<Name> does a spooky puppet show with the spooky skeletortoise. It takes {{element|Spooky|dmg=X}} spooky damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=skeletortoise|text=<Name> does the Dead Man's Waltz with the skeletortoise.|type=combat}}
*''[[sleep mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=sleep mask|text=<Name> blinds <it> with the mask and spins it around, chanting "Pinata! Pinata!" <It> looks pretty dizzy when MC Frontalot's done.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=sleep mask|text=<Name> stumbles around shouting, "hey, who turned out the lights!" His flailing hits <it> for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[slime-covered helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=slime-covered helmet|text=<Name> makes a little slime-moat around you that <it>'s loathe to cross.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=slime-covered helmet|text=<Name> does a near-infinite headspin, using the helmet's slime for lube.|type=combat}}
*''[[slime fedora]]:''
{{useitem|item=slime fedora|text=<Name> gives you a grin and a wink, and tips his fedora to you. Shudder. (+'''X''' Stats)|type=combat}}
*''[[smooth velvet hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=smooth velvet hat|text=<Name> dances around like a madman (er... a madrack, I suppose,) distracting your opponent.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=smooth velvet hat|text=<Name> winks as he does a little disco pirouette.|type=combat}}
*''[[snailmail coif]]:''
{{useitem|item=snailmail coif|text=<Name> shouts at <it>, "you shall not pass until you bring me a shrubbery!" <It> is too busy looking for one to attack this round.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=snailmail coif|text=<Name> sings a song about eating a lot of ham, jam, and spam, while doing a very silly dance.|type=combat}}
*''[[snakeskin cowboy hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=snakeskin cowboy hat|text=<Name> produces a rope from somewhere and lassoes your foe. Which doesn't really stop them, but does slow them down a bit.|type=combat}} {{delevel|att=x|def=y}}
*''[[snorkel]]:''
{{useitem|item=snorkel|text=<Name> whips off his snorkel with one rung and gives him a severe snorkelwhipping, doing X non-sequitur damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[snow hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=snow hat|text=<Name> shouts, "do you know the street value of this mountain?" and hurls a snowball at <it>, dealing {{element|Cold|dmg=X}} damage.}}
*''[[Snow Queen Crown]]:''
{{useitem|item=Snow Queen Crown|text=<Name> pelts <it> with a barrage of snowballs, dealing {{element|Cold|dmg=X}} damage. Looks like <it> wasn't ready for a crazy little thing called <Name>.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Snow Queen Crown|text=<Name> sings the entirety of Knob Goblin Rhapsody, giving you a chance to take a little nap.|type=combat}}{{HP}}{{MP}}
*''[[Sombrero De Vida]]:''
{{useitem|item=Sombrero De Vida|text=<Name> turns you on to a bunch of cool bands, grins a wicked cute grin, and winks sassily at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[space beast fur hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=space beast fur hat|text=<Name> seems to be enjoying his big furry hat. Of course, what's not to like about a big furry hat?|type=combat}}
*''[[space trooper helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=space trooper helmet|text=*<Name> says, "we don't need to see your identification. This isn't the pop culture reference you're looking for," then lifts the helmet and gives you a wink and a smile.|type=combat}}
*''[[spaghetti cult mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=spaghetti cult mask|text=<Name> howls a spooky, low-pitch, backwards-looped song, then walks up to <it> and whispers, "Fidelio." <It> starts to look seriously freaked out, man.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=spaghetti cult mask|text=<Name> says a pious prayer to the patron of pasta. You feel full of piss and balsamic vinegar again.|type=combat}} {{HP}} {{MP}}
*''[[spangly sombrero]]:''
{{useitem|item=spangly sombrero|text=<Name> does a rousing rendition of "La Cucaracha" for <her>, then won't let <her> attack until <Name> gets a tip for the song.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=spangly sombrero|text=<Name> tosses the hat to the ground and does a kind of disco hat dance around it, shouting "Olé , olé , stayin' alive!"|type=combat}}
*''[[Spelunker's fedora]]:''
{{useitem|item=Spelunker's fedora|text=<Name> shouts "I'm a boulder!" and rolls over your opponent, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Spelunker's fedora|text=<Name> winks at you and says "This belongs in a noseeum."|type=combat}}
*''[[spelunking fedora]]:''
<center>Indeterminate</center>
*''[[spiky turtle helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=spiky turtle helmet|text=<Name> shouts "Oi! oi! oi!" and gives it a vicious, spiky headbutt for X vicious, spiky damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=spiky turtle helmet|text=<Name> thrashes around in an invisible mosh pit.|type=combat}}
*''[[sponge helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=sponge helmet|text=<Name> headbutts it, dealing X damage and leaving it slightly cleaner.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=sponge helmet|text=<Name> wipes some of the sweat from your eyes, helping you to see a little better.|type=combat}}
*''[[spooky hockey mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=spooky hockey mask|text=<Name> produces a giant meat cleaver and chases him around for a while. him looks exhausted when the chase finally ends.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=spooky hockey mask|text=You rest for a bit and watch <Name> stalk an unsuspecting group of promiscuous camp counselors.|type=combat}}{{HP}}{{MP}}
*''[[Spooky Putty mitre]]:''
{{useitem|item=Spooky Putty mitre|text=<Name> nods his head with a somber rhythm as he winks at you pontifically.|type=combat}}
*''[[stainless steel skullcap]]:''
{{useitem|item=stainless steel skullcap|text=<Name> says, "give me your clothes, boots, and your chopper... I mean, motorcycle," then winks as he does the Robot.|type=combat}}
*''[[star hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=star hat|text=<Name> says "look to the shtars, Bowen!" and grins like a lunatic.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=star hat|text=<Name> takes off his hat, says, "my God, it's full of stars," and shows it to him. He's so mesmerized he forgets to attack.|type=combat}}
*''[[stone baseball cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=stone baseball cap|text=<Name> says "tanga nala kwee nala," and smiles at you. Whatever.|type=combat}}
*''[[straw hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=straw hat|text=<Name> leans back in a rocking chair, chews a stalk of hay, and points to some stuff on the ground you missed.|type=combat}}
*''[[sucker kabuto]]:''
{{useitem|item=sucker kabuto|text="''Hikari suitchi ni yoru deguchi no aoi kanaria''!" <name> shouts, leaping at him and pummeling him for X {{element|Hot|dmg=(+1)}} {{element|Cold|dmg=(+1)}} {{element|Stench|dmg=(+1)}} {{element|Spooky|dmg=(+1)}} {{element|Sleaze|dmg=(+1)}} damage. Then he bows to you, saying "''Arigato gyoza''."|type=combat}}
*''[[sugar chapeau]]:''
{{useitem|item=sugar chapeau|text=<Name> shouts, "Sugar, we're going down swinging!" and starts throwing punches, hitting your opponent for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=sugar chapeau|text=<Name> winks coquettishly, smiles, and says, "ain't you just the sweetest thing? Sugar wouldn't melt in your mouth!"|type=combat}}
*''[[superhero mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=superhero mask|text=<Name> does the Batusi, winking as he does some pelvic thrusts. Well, as far as a hatrack has a pelvis, anyway.|type=combat}}
*''[[suspicious-looking fedora]]:''
{{useitem|item=Suspicious-looking fedora|text= <Name> lights a crumpled cigarette, takes a long weary drag on it, then walks over to your opponent and belts it in the gut for X.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Suspicious-looking_fedora|text=<Name> starts shaking your opponent's corpse by the throat, smacking it repeatedly in the face and demanding to know where it's hidden "the stuff".|type=combat}}
*''[[sweatband]]:''
{{useitem|item=sweatband|text=<Name> says, "I'm a wreckin' machine!" and flings sweat at your opponent for {{element|Sleaze|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=sweatband|text=<Name> says, "I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor!" and dances until you're convinced he's right.|type=combat}}

===T===
*''[[tattered paper crown]]:''
{{useitem|item=tattered paper crown|text=<Name> stands on his head and puts the crown on his feet. "Everything is topsy-turvy!" he shouts, grinning.|type=combat}}
*''[[The Clown Crown]]:''
<center>Indeterminate</center>
*''[[The Crown of Ed the Undying]]:''
{{useitem|item=The Crown of Ed the Undying|text=<Name> mutters in an ancient tongue and ghostly snakes pour out of his eyes, biting your foe for {{element|Spooky|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=The Crown of Ed the Undying|text=<Name> grins madly as he dances around screaming "UNDRYING!"|type=combat}}
*''[[The Emperor's new hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=The Emperor's new hat|text=<Name> startles your opponent by screaming "MY HAT! MY BEAUTIFUL HAT!" at the top of his wooden lungs.|type=combat}}
*''[[The Jokester's wig]]:''
{{useitem|item=The Jokester's wig|text=<Name> just grins at your opponent. <He> shudders.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=The Jokester's wig|text=<Name> just grins at you. You shudder, then go home and take a shower.|type=combat}} {{HP}}{{MP}}
*''[[The Necbromancer's Hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=The Necbromancer's Hat|text=<Name> shouts, "Air raid, pledge! Hit the deck!" <She> is too busy diving for cover to attack this round.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=The Necbromancer's Hat|text=<Name> says, "nice fight there, Josh Bro-lin," and grins at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[Third Eye]]:''
{{useitem|item=Third Eye|text=<Name> uses its weird aura-vision to find you some extra meat. And some extra stats?|type=combat}}
*''[[Thunkula's drinking cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Thunkula's drinking cap|text=<Name> says, "whaddayamean, I'm drunk?! I only had tee martoonis!" and throws a drunken haymaker for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Thunkula's drinking cap|text=<Name> says, "I -hic- love you, man. No, no, I mean it, man," and smiles at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[time cop top hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=time cop top hat|text=<Name> transitions a tiny bit of your foe into another timeline, which kinda sucks, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[time helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=time helmet|text=<Name> sees that you're about to get attacked and trips it before it can attack you.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=time helmet|text=<Name> does the Time Warp, then does the Time Warp again. Clearly, madness has taken its toll on him.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=time helmet|text=<Name> mutters "I'm late. No... no... I'm early." The air shimmers around you.|type=combat}} {{adv|amount=1}}
*''[[tin tam]]:''
{{useitem|item=tin tam|text=Moonlight simultaneously glints off <Name>'s shiny hat and wide, crazy eyes.|type=combat}}{{MP}}
*''[[topeé]]:''
{{useitem|item=topeé|text=<Name> giggles as he rubs his shrubby head against your opponent, scratching him/her/them all up.|type=combat}}
*''[[toy Crimbot mega face]]:''
{{useitem|item=toy Crimbot mega face|text="Beep boop! BEEP BOOP!" cries <Name> as he blasts your foe with his eye lasers, dealing {{element|Hot|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[toy space helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=toy space helmet|text=<Name> shouts "to infinity -- and a little past that!" and stylishly falls on it, tackling it to the ground.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=toy space helmet|text=<Name> dances to a spaced out, futuristic groove that only he can hear.|type=combat}}
*''[[training helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=training helmet|text=<Name> runs directly at your opponent and headbutts it for X damage.|type=combat}} {{delevel|att=X|def=Y}}
*''[[Tropical Crimbo Hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=Tropical Crimbo Hat|text=<Name> does a little hula dance, winking at you as he swivels his hips. Wait, hatracks have hips?|type=combat}}
*''[[turtle wax helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=turtle wax helmet|text=<Name> says, "wax on, wax off," and trips it, knocking it to the ground.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=turtle wax helmet|text=<Name> breakdances, doing a killer headspin with his waxy helmet.|type=combat}}
*''[[turtlemail coif]]:''
{{useitem|item=turtlemail coif|text=<Name> engages him in a lengthy discussion on the difference between a snood and a coif, occupying him for this round.|type=combat}}

===U===
*''[[Unfortunato's foolscap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Unfortunato's foolscap|text=<Name> grins broadly as he shakes his head, making the bells on his hat jingle.|type=combat}}
*''[[Uncle Crimbo's hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=Uncle Crimbo's hat|text=<Name>'s eyes twinkle madly as he winks and grins and chortles, all at the same time. (+'''X''' Stats)|type=combat}}
*''[[Uncle Hobo's stocking cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Uncle Hobo's stocking cap|text=<Name> pulls an icicle out of somewhere and stabs your opponent for X damage. Merry Crimbo!|type=combat}}
*''[[Unkillable Skeleton's skullcap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Unkillable Skeleton's skullcap|text=<Name> does a Danse Macabre as he looks for more items.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Unkillable Skeleton's skullcap|text=<Name> shouts, "I'm a master of fright and a DEEEEMON of light!" He looks too scared to attack this time.|type=combat}}

===V===
*''[[Van der Graaf helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=Van der Graaf helmet|text=<Name> butts his helmet against your opponent. It is too shocked, both physically and emotionally, to attack.|type=combat}}
*''[[very pointy crown]]:''
{{useitem|item=very pointy crown|text=<Name> pointedly headbutts your opponent for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=very pointy crown|text=<Name> peers at you benevolently from beneath the pointy crown.|type=combat}} {{HP}}{{MP}}
*''[[viking helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=viking helmet|text=<Name> charges <it> and pins <it> to the ground with the horns on his viking helmet, dealing X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[Voluminous Radio Hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=Voluminous Radio Hat|text=<Name> delivers a sarcastic rant about how much it sucks to be a teenager. <It> is too demoralized to attack this round.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=Voluminous Radio Hat|text=<Name> jams you, jacks you, pushes you, pulls you, and talks hard. It's pretty refreshing.|type=combat}}{{HP}}{{MP}}

===W===
*''[[wad of used tape]]:''
{{useitem|item=wad of used tape|text=%%{{sic}}|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=wad of used tape|text=<Name> rolls around on the floor for a while, and some stray meat gets stuck to his hat.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear dress helmet]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear dress helmet|text=<Name> giggles as his helmet glows blue and the air around him gets much colder. Your opponent takes {{element|Cold|dmg=X}} damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear electro-spiked helm]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear electro-spiked helm|text=<Name> shouts, "Great Scott!" and headbutts it for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear electro-spiked helm|text=<Name> staggers around in a drunken waltz with himself, pausing only to ask if you are the gatekeeper.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear fancy fedora]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear fancy fedora|text=<Name> says, "it's curtains for you, buddy, see?" and punches it for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear fancy fedora|text=<Name> says, "I gotta get me a dame, one with gams that won't quit and a caboose that'd stop a train!" and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear feathered fedora]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear feathered fedora|text=<Name> says, "I wasn't afraid when we landed at Normandy, and I'm not afraid now!" and punches your opponent for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear feathered fedora|text=<Name> says, "let me tell you, sonny, your grandma was quite the looker back in her day," and drops you a wink.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear foil hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear foil hat|text=<Name> shouts, "flag on the moon! Untie corpses in Matt's dare! Level the playing field, dammit!" Your opponent is too confused to attack this round.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear foil hat|text=<Name> says, "big man, he's got no mojo with the radio filling switchblade orchestra," and smiles beatifically.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear heated ushanka]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear heated ushanka|text=<Name> shouts, "for the glory of Mother Russia!" as he turns up the hat to its hottest setting and plunks it down on your opponent, singeing him for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear heated ushanka|text=<Name> says, "you know, comrade, I hope this hat doesn't make me too--how you say--hot-headed?" and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear lined ushanka]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear lined ushanka|text=<Name> proves he's a sheep in wolf's clothing, BAAA-ing menacingly at your opponent to freak it out.|type=combat}}{{delevel|att=X|def=Y}}
{{useitem|item=warbear lined ushanka|text=<Name> says, "this is my second favorite use for sheepskin," and winks raunchily.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear plain fedora]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear plain fedora|text=<Name> says, "the problems of a monster and a hatrack don't add up to a hill of beans in this crazy world," and headbutts it for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear plain fedora|text=<Name> says, "here's looking at you, kid," and winks.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear plain helm]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear plain helm|text=<Name> shouts, "surrender your HUNNY!" and attacks your confused opponent, doing X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear plain helm|text=<Name> dances around while singing a creepy little song about heffalumps and woozles.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear plain ushanka]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear plain ushanka|text=<Name> says, "in Soviet Loathing, hatrack puts hat on you!" and suffocates your opponent with the ushanka, leaving it a little worse for wear.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear plain ushanka|text=<Name> says, "baby powder! What a country!" and winks at you.|type=combat}}
*''[[warbear spiked helm]]:''
{{useitem|item=warbear spiked helm|text=<Name> picks up your opponent and viciously spikes it to the ground for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=warbear spiked helm|text=<Name> dances while singing a hilariously off-key punk rendition of the song "My Way."|type=combat}}
*''[[water-polo cap]]:''
{{useitem|item=water-polo cap|text=<Name> marches up to your opponent and delivers a powerful old-school smack to its kneecaps.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=water-polo cap|text=<Name> grins impishly from beneath the brim of the cap.|type=combat}}
*''[[wax hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=wax hat|text=<Name> pulls the brim of his hat down in front of his eyes and stands between you and your foe like an old-timey gangster. It's pretty menacing.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=wax hat|text=<Name> dances about like a dapper-hatted dandy.|type=combat}}
*''[[webbed comic mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=webbed comic mask|text=<Name> does a postmodern deconstruction of superhero archetypes while making jokes about mega-man, smiling and winking as he breaks the fourth wall.|type=combat}}
*''[[whittled tiara]]:''
{{useitem|item=whittled tiara|text=<Name> glides elegantly up to your opponent like a princess at a ball, and then kicks the hell out of them for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=whittled tiara|text=<Name> gives you an elegant wave, and you feel a little better. {{HP}}{{MP}}|type=combat}}
*''[[willowy bonnet]]:''
{{useitem|item=willowy bonnet|text=<Name> says, "I'm a cute little lesbian witch! I hold the power of life and death in my cute little noggin!" Then he dances around, giggling adorably.|type=combat}}
*''[[witch hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=witch hat|text=<Name> grins and winks at you as it stirs a bubbling cauldron.|type=combat}}
*''[[wolf mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=wolf mask|text=<Name> says, "I'm on the hunt, I'm after you," and snarls ferociously at it, who quails and looks terrified.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=wolf mask|text=<Name> gives you a big wolf-hug, which leaves you feeling oddly rejuvenated. Anything you'd like to tell us about yourself?|type=combat}}{{HP}}
*''[[wolfman mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=wolfman mask|text=<Name> growls adorably in his little mask.|type=combat}}
*''[[wolfskull mask]]:''
{{useitem|item=wolfskull mask|text=<Name> snarls, "I'm on the hunt! I'm after YOU!" Your opponent looks intimidated.}}
{{useitem|item=wolfskull mask|text=<Name> throws back his head and howls at the moon, spooking your opponent for {{element|Spooky|dmg=X}} damage.}}
*''[[wooden salad bowl]]:''
{{useitem|item=wooden salad bowl|text=<Name> takes off the salad bowl and tosses it at him, hitting for X damage.'|type=combat}}
*''[[wool hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=wool hat|text=<Name> sings a song about believing in daydreams. You take a minute to see if there's any meat lying around nearby.|type=combat}}
*''[[worn tophat]]:''
{{useitem|item=worn tophat|text=<Name> dismisses it with a derisive, upper-crust sniff. It looks hurt and embarrassed. |type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=worn tophat|text=<Name> says "fourscore and seven years ago, our founding fathers wanted us all to have more meat!" and winks at you. |type=combat}}
*''[[wreath of laurels]]:''
{{useitem|item=wreath of laurels|text=<Name> gestures to your fallen foe and says "gnolls, goblins, skeletons, lend me your ears! I come here not to praise them, but to try and loot their bodies."|type=combat}}
*''[[wrought-iron wig]]:''
{{useitem|item=wrought-iron wig|text=<Name>, weighted down by his heavy hat, falls over between you and your foe.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=wrought-iron wig|text=<Name> leans on you for support. It's heartwarming, even though you know he's only doing it because his hat is so heavy.|type=combat}}{{HP}}{{MP}}
*''[[wumpus-hair wig]]:''
{{useitem|item=wumpus-hair wig|text=<Name> says, "Suddenly, I'm Miss Beehive 1963!" He smiles and waves, pageant-style, at it, and it's're{{sic}} too nonplussed to attack.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=wumpus-hair wig|text=<Name> tells you an amusing story about the time someone wanted him to go to rehab, and what he said, said, said. You laugh and feel refreshed.|type=combat}}{{HP}}{{MP}}

===X===
*''[[Xiblaxian stealth cowl]]:''
{{useitem|item=Xiblaxian stealth cowl|text=<Name> says something in a language you don't recognize. Your foe blanches and suffers {{element|Spooky|X}} damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[x-ray goggles]]:''
<center>Indeterminate</center>

===Y===
*''[[yabba dabba doo rag]]:''
{{useitem|item=yabba dabba doo rag|text=<Name> says, "hey, Barney, these tobacco-filled tubes are great, aren't they?" and smiles wistfully.|type=combat}}
*''[[yak toupee]]:''
{{useitem|item=yak toupee|text=<Name> says "don't talk back!" and smacks it for X damage.|type=combat}}
{{useitem|item=yak toupee|text=<Name> yaks on and on about nothing in particular. It gets bored and loses interest in attacking this round.|type=combat}}
*''[[yellow plastic hard hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=yellow plastic hard hat|text=<Name> uses his topmost rungs to spell out the mystical symbols "Y," "M," "C," and "A" as he smacks him for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[yellow traffic cone]]:''
{{useitem|item=yellow traffic cone|text=<Name> snarls "who are you callin' yellow?" Then smiles and winks to let you know he's just kidding.|type=combat}}

===Z===
*''[[Ze™ goggles]]:''
{{useitem|item=Ze™ goggles|text=<Name> shouts "Ice to meet you! If it bleeds I can kill it! Who is your daddy and what does he do!" while pummeling your opponent for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[zombie mariachi hat]]:''
{{useitem|item=zombie mariachi hat|text=<Name >shouts, "¡Oye, cabrón! Aqui tengo una lanza para sus nalgas!" and kicks it for X damage.|type=combat}}
*''[[Zombo's skullcap]]:''
{{useitem|item=Zombo's skullcap|text=<Name> batters your opponent mercilessly while making creepy ''"Oooooooh. Oooooooooooh." ''noises.|type=combat}}

==References==
*The [[orange peel hat]] messages, like the hat, refer to popular [[Wikipedia:Lolcat|Lolcat]] pictures. One specifically referenced meme is known as [http://images.google.com/images?q=limecat Limecat]
*The [[orange traffic cone]] message is a reference to the Monty Python song, "Traffic Lights."
*The [[oriole-feather headdress]] message about a tear refers to the American TV public service announcements of the 70s that has an American Indian shedding a tear over pollution.
*The [[passable elf mask]] message refers to Herbie the Misfit Elf from Bass-Rankin's ''[[Wikipedia:Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (TV special)|Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]]''.
*The [[pentacorn hat]] message refers to both [[Wikipedia:Patrick Henry|Patrick Henry]]'s "Give me liberty, or give me death" speech, and [[Wikipedia:Eddie Izzard|Eddie Izzard]]'s "cake or death!" joke.
*The [[pig-iron helm]] message refers to a line from the movie ''Babe''.
*The [[pixel hat]]'s first message is reference to ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario Bros.|Super Mario Bros.]]'' and when you would beat any castle but the final one.
*The [[pixel hat]]'s second message is a reference to Link's use of a boomerang in many ''[[Wikipedia:The Legend of Zelda|Legend of Zelda]]'' games.
*The [[pumpkinhead mask]]'s message is a reference to ''[[Wikipedia:The Nightmare Before Christmas|The Nightmare Before Christmas]]'' games.
*The [[raspberry beret]] message refers to the end of the opening to ''[[Wikipedia:The Mary Tyler Moore Show|The Mary Tyler Moore Show]]''.
*The [[safarrri hat]] message is a reference to a Groucho quip from the Marx Brothers' ''[[Wikipedia:Animal_Crackers_%28film%29|Animals Crackers]]''.
*The [[seal-skull helmet]] message refers to the Seal song "[[Wikipedia:Kiss from a Rose|Kiss from a Rose]]".
*The [[snow hat]] message is taken directly from the movie ''[[Wikipedia:Better Off Dead (film)|Better Off Dead]]''.
*The [[Snow Queen Crown]] messages refer to the Queen songs "[[Wikipedia:Bohemian Rhapsody|Bohemian Rhapsody]]" and "[[Wikipedia:Crazy Little Thing Called Love|Crazy Little Thing Called Love]]".
*The [[spooky hockey mask]] messages are both references to [[Wikipedia:Jason Voorhees|Jason Voorhees]] from the ''Friday the 13th'' series of films.
*The [[stainless steel skullcap]] message is a reference to ''[[Wikipedia:Terminator 2: Judgment Day|Terminator 2: Judgment Day]]'' when the Terminator confronts a biker for clothes and his hog.
*The [[star hat]] "grin" message is a reference to ''[[Wikipedia:Dragonheart|Dragonheart]]'', where Draco tells Bowen "To the stars".
*The [[star hat]] "full of stars" message is a reference to both ''[[Wikipedia:2001:_A_Space_Odyssey|2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' and Terry Pratchett novel ''[[Wikipedia:A_Hat_Full_of_Sky|A Hat Full of Sky]]''.
*The [[sucker kabuto]] message, ''Hikari suitchi ni yoru deguchi no aoi kanaria!'', is what Google Translate spits out when you type in "Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch," which is from ''[[wikipedia:They Might Be Giants|They Might Be Giants']]'' song, "[[wikipedia:Birdhouse In Your Soul|Birdhouse In Your Soul]]."
*The [[sugar chapeau]] message refers to the Fall Out Boy song "[[Wikipedia:Sugar, We're Goin Down|Sugar, We're Goin Down]]".
*The [[superhero mask]] message is a reference to Adam West's infamous [[Wikipedia:Batusi|Batusi]].
*The [[time helmet]] message refers to ''[[Wikipedia:The Rocky Horror Show|The Rocky Horror Show]]'' song "Time Warp".
*The [[toy space helmet]] refers to ''[[Wikipedia:Toy Story|Toy Story's]]'' Buzz Lightyear, and his battle cry, "To infinity, and beyond!" The bit about "stylishly falling" refers to a part where Woody dismisses Buzz's attempt at flying as "falling, with style".
*The [[willowy bonnet]] message refers to the [[Wikipedia:Buffy the Vampire Slayer|Buffy the Vampire Slayer]] character Willow.
*The [[wolf mask]] "I'm on the hunt" message refers to the [[Wikipedia:Duran Duran|Duran Duran]] song "[[Wikipedia:Hungry Like the Wolf|Hungry Like the Wolf]]".
*The [[wool hat]] message refers to the [[Wikipedia:The Monkees|The Monkees]] song "[[Wikipedia:Daydream Believer|Daydream Believer]]."
*The [[wreath of laurels]] message refers to a line in Shakespeare's ''[[Wikipedia:Julius Caesar (play)|Julius Caesar]]'': "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him."
*The [[yak toupee]] message refers to The Coasters tune "Yakety Yak Don't Talk Back".
*The [[yellow plastic hard hat]] message refers to the Village People song "[[Wikipedia:Y.M.C.A. (song)|Y.M.C.A.]]", during which one of the band members wears a yellow plastic hard hat.
*Using the YMCA dance as mystical symbols may refer to ''[[Wikipedia:Fable: The Lost Chapters|Fable: The Lost Chapters]]'', which uses the motions of the dance to communicate with an oracle.


{{HatrackMessages}}

[[Category:Familiars| {{PAGENAME}}]]