View source for Monster Manuel (J)

<noinclude>There are {{Monster Manuel Entries Count|{{:Monster Manuel (J)}}}} creatures filed under J.</noinclude>

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{{ManuelEntry|Jacob's adder|*A Jacob's Adder can be used to power a calculator, because of the natural laws of punning and irony.
*A Jacob's Adder can also replace the serpentine belt on a car engine.
*A single Jacob's Adder could provide electricity for a small home for a year, but it won't because it's a total jerk.}}
{{ManuelEntry|jailbait orquette|*The jailbait orquette's favorite booze is peppermint mouthwash, because that's all she can steal from her parents.
*The jailbait orquette's favorite lip gloss flavor is chunky monkey.
*The jailbait orquette's favorite item of clothing is her neon-pink ripped-up fishnet stockings.|defense=45}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jake Norris|*Jake Norris was born in cowboy times, and why aren't any of those games a rad cowboy vampire adventure?
*If you hadn't killed him, Jake would eventually have been killed by his own whip. I guess when a problem comes along, you can't whip it if that problem is the whip itself.
*I know very little about Jake Norris, because that one was on Genesis and I never played it.}}
{{ManuelEntry|jamfish|*One jamfish aimlessly circled the same coral outcropping for six straight hours. Fans of jamfish trade bootlegs of that video to this day.
*The difference between jam and jelly is that jam is made with every edible part of the fruit, while jelly is made from just fruit juice.
*The difference between peanut butter and jam is that . . . never mind, it's a family game.|attack=400|defense=360|hp=750|image=jamfish.gif}}
{{ManuelEntry|janitor robot|*Even a billion years from now, they won't have invented a better way to clean floors than with a mop and bucket.
*People will try, but they will always fail. No alternative will ever catch on.
*A mop and bucket is objectively the worst way to clean a floor. It's just that there is a God, and He hates us.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jayden Belmont|*If he had beaten you and stolen your soul, the power he would've gained was "be perpetually baffled by constant ridiculous nonsense", so really, you win either way.
*Soul powers sound pretty good, but it turns out the ability to huck skeleton bones and giant battleaxes at things has very few practical applications in normal life.
*You really lucked out, beating that guy. Ordinarily being an anime protagonist with the power of friendship at his disposal would've been plenty even without weird soul powers.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jeff the Fancy Skeleton|*Jeff only made it a single step into his mine before triggering a rockslide and falling to his death.
*It wouldn't have mattered, really, because the only mining tool he brought with him was a shrimp fork.
*Jeff's eventual fate is to become Jeff the Fancy Dust.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jefferson pilot|*Jefferson Airline pilots use psychedelic drugs to keep themselves alert and to make their flights more interesting for all involved.
*Jefferson Airline pilots want somebody to love, and need somebody to love, but their constant travel and long working hours make that difficult.
*Jefferson Airline pilots have an annual White Rabbit Chase at their yearly convention.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Boss Bat)|*Jerry Bradford is the very worst, like no one ever was.
*Jerry bradford is a douchebag.
*I have to write 27 more factoids about Jerry Bradford.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Knob Goblin King)|*Jerry Bradford is the same height as you. This is a problem for him, for some reason.
*Jerry Bradford has his own team of cheerleaders who follow him around and cry when he loses.
*Most of Jerry Bradford's winnings are spent on Oakley sunglasses.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Bonerdagon)|*Jerry Bradford never feels bad about beating up children's pets and taking their lunch money.
*Later, older incarnations of Jerry Bradford show him mellowing out a fair bit, but you know he'll always be a douchebag at heart.
*Jerry Bradford's favorite flavor is my butt.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Groar)|*Jerry Bradford's pokéfam are extra mean, because he refuses to feed them if they don't win.
*Nobody has ever played an online game with Jerry Bradford without muting him.
*If you haven't gotten around to it yet, you might want to look up the Bradford Pear tree, after which Jerry is named. Notably, its smell.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Dr. Awkward)|*Jerry Bradford once gave the finger to a basket of newborn kittens.
*Jerry Bradford posts other people's fanart to his tumblr, without attribution.
*Jerry Bradford cheats at solitaire.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Lord Spookyraven)|*Jerry Bradford uses sleeves to disguise his forged pokéfam cards.
*Professor Bradford wishes he could kick Jerry's ass himself, but feels it would be unseemly. So he recruits other kids to do it for him.
*Jerry Bradford doesn't pull the wings off of flies. He forces the flies to battle to the death in a little arena.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (Protector Spectre)|*When he isn't travelling by skateboard, Jerry Bradford rides around in a red chauffer-driven convertible.
*Jerry Bradford thinks feelings are for suckers.
*Every time Jerry Bradford is defeated, an angel gets its wings.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (The Big Wisniewski)|*Jerry Bradford gets really mad when people use throws on him in fighting games.
*Jerry Bradford drinks milk right out of the carton.
*Jerry Bradford tells little kids that Santa isn't real.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford (The Man)|*Jerry Bradford graffitis the walls of local mom-and-pop businesses with a crappy, artless tag.
*Jerry Bradford spits his chewing gum on the ground.
*Jerry Bradford wants to debate you, and is just playing devil's advocate.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jerry Bradford, Pokéfam World Champion|*Jerry Bradford holds in his farts until he's in an elevator.
*When called out for using slurs, Jerry Bradford wonders aloud about your ability to take a joke.
*This is the 30th and last Jerry Bradford factoid.}}
{{ManuelEntry|jet-ski bandit|*Jet-Ski is a registered trademark of the Kawasaki corporation.
*Fortunately, since the Kawasaki corporation was destroyed when everything else on earth was destroyed, we are probably safe from copyright lawsuits.
*If you need to blow your nose while you're on a Jet-Ski, just check the glove compartment. It's full of Xeroxed kleenex that you can use.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jock|*To a jock, football is life.
*To a jock, life is football.
*Jocks often become doctors because they want to save footballs.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jocko Homo|*Jocko Homo has heard all the jokes, and doesn't need any lip from you.
*The species of latently-gay sports enthusiast you encounter in high school is Jockus Homus, not Jocko Homo.
*"Jock Humus" is the stuff that accumulates in a football player's. . . never mind.|defense=103|hp=150}}
{{ManuelEntry|Johnringo, the Netdragger|*The dragnet is considered a more noble weapon than the switchblade by the gladiatorial community.
*Gladiators have a pretty high turnover rate. Not, like, "amusement park janitor" high, but high.
*In the hand-signal game based on Mer-kin gladiator battles, the dragnet beats the dodgeball but loses to the switchblade.|defense=1200|hp=1500}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jr. Awkwarj|*Jr. Awkwarj's favorite toy is a race car.
*Jr. Awkwarj has to wear a bib when he eats.
*Whenever Jr. Awkwarj misbehaves, he gets his knuckles rapped with a ruler by a nun.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Judge Fudge|*Judges wear those big curly wigs because the curls are convenient places to store pencils and small treats.
*Some courts have experimented with using airhorns or desk bells instead of gavels, but they just don't have the same gravitas. Graveltas.
*Wait, how does he keep that gingerbread gavel from breaking? What kind of gingerbread ''is'' that?|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?}}
{{ManuelEntry|judgmental eye|*Judgmental eyes live in constant fear of cataracts.
*This is because they don't want to accidentally go over one in a barrel.
*Judgmental eyes cannot swim, they can only float.}}
{{ManuelEntry|jungle baboon|*Jungle baboons were, evolutionarily speaking, more successful than desert baboons, because it's hard to live in the trees where there aren't any.
*Baboons are Old World monkeys, not like those youngster monkeys with their roller skates and their listening to the hippity-hoppity music.
*Baboons have been known to raise lost human foundlings as one of their tribe; weirdly enough, male children raised this way never grow a beard or body hair.|attack=50|defense=54|hp=50}}
{{ManuelEntry|jungle scabie|*Jungle scabies are most commonly contracted by participating in "cuddle puddles" at raves.
*The symptoms of jungle scabies are itching, burning, and attempting to hum along to music that mainly consists of "oontz oontz oontz oontz".
*Jungle scabies can be easily removed with the application of special shampoo, or by playing a lot of ambient trance music.|defense=81}}
{{ManuelEntry|jungle titan|*Oddly, all of the jungle titans have exactly the same physique, except for a single weird outstanding feature like one giant fist or a telescoping neck.
*Each titan is named after the one weird thing about them, like "Bigfist", or "Neckguy", or "The Fuzzy One".
*For some reason, they chose for their leader the guy with nothing special about him except he's blond.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Junk|*According to legend, the Junk was a mortal ship named "The Peter O'Toole," which was given a memorial in the stars after it sank into a trench.
*Some astronomers insist on referring to the junk as "Smiling Triangle-Eye Face," omitting the lines that link the sails to the ship.
*In older astronomy books, the Junk is part of a larger constellation called the Batch.|defense=143}}
{{ManuelEntry|junksprite bender|*Junksprite benders have a sharper wit than junksprite sharpeners, and junksprite sharpeners go on longer benders than junksprite benders. It's a weird society.
*Every junksprite is free to pursue his or her interests in a consequence-free environment, so long as those interests involve turning junk into different junk--er, I mean, "upcycling."
*Junksprite benders like to turn lengths of pipe into elaborate, impractical bicycles. Then they paint them bright colors and fill a bathtub with them. And they don't feel they need to explain their art to you, Warren.}}
{{ManuelEntry|junksprite melter|*Like hippies, junksprite melters are a little loopy from the fumes they've inhaled over the years. Unlike hippies, the junksprite's fumes come from melting metal, not herbs.
*Junksprite melters know the precise temperature at which every common junk metal melts. No use heating the forge for pig iron if you're only melting aluminum, I always say.
*Junksprite melters listen to a genre of music called "liquid metal," which is like heavy metal, but with hotter guitar solos.}}
{{ManuelEntry|junksprite sharpener|*Junksprite sharpeners can sharpen just about anything, except their own wits. BURN!
*In their off-time, sharpeners whittle razor blades out of soap, after whittling razor blades out of tin cans.
*A junksprite sharpener can sharpen a knife so sharp that it can split hairs, but not so sharp it can pick nits.}}
{{ManuelEntry|Just Groar|*Is the implication here that Groar has always been the beastmode version of some other creature? I guess maybe? I dunno?
*If he did transform into a beastlier version, it'd be hard to tell, right? He'd just get a little bigger, maybe slightly hairier.
*His feet doesn't look particularly big. Maybe a Bigfoot is something else in this world.}}
{{ManuelEntry|juvenile delinquent orquette|*The most popular tattoo for juvenile delinquent orquettes is a butterfly with tribal designs on its wings and ORC LIFE underneath it.
*Contrary to her protestations, the orquettes' dad is a moderate-to-slightly-conservative libertarian, not a total fascist.
*The orquette still sleeps with her fuzzy purple teddy bear, but she'll cut you wtih{{sic}} her switchblade if you mention it.|defense=45}}

==References==
*The junksprite bender not explaining his art to Warren is a quote from the film ''[[Wikipedia:Empire Records|Empire Records]]''.

[[Category:Miscellaneous]]