View source for The Bartender

[[Bart Ender]] can be found in [[The Typical Tavern]].

*''Before starting the [[Typical Tavern Quest]]:''

"Howdy, Adventurer!" says the jovial man behind the bar. "I'm Bart. Bart Ender."
"Nice to meet ya, Bart. I'm <Player Name>," you say. "The Council says you need some help with something."

"Yup. We've got a bit of a rat problem, y'see. Whole cellar's just thick with 'em. I mean, sure, there are always rats down there -- rats are a crucial part of the fantasy tavern ecosystem. Our problem is that there are too many rats. I need you to figure out why there are so many of 'em, and put a stop to it somehow." he replies.

"So there are... rats... in the cellar... of the tavern," you sigh, "and I have to kill, what, like, ten of them?"

"This isn't a simple matter of 'kill ten rats,' buddy. You need to track 'em back to their source and put a stop to it, whatever it is. Here, lemme unlock the trap door for you. Careful. It's dark down there."

*''Before starting the [[Typical Tavern Quest]] as a [[Zombie Slayer]]:''
You shamble up the bar, where Bart Ender is blankly polishing something with a rag. The object in question turns out to be a human skull.

"Howdy, Bart," you say. "How's, um how's it going?"

"Guhhhhhh," Bart moans amicably.

"I heard you had a bit of rat problem?"

Bart stares at you as the idea slowly, slowly works its way through his ravaged nervous system. "Raaaaaaaaaatss," he muses, then gives you a wobbly nod. "Raaaaaatssss," he says again, gesturing at a small iron key hanging from a nail on the wall.

"Right, leave it to me," you reply. You take the key and unlock the trap door to the tavern cellar.

*''Before starting the [[Typical Tavern Quest]] as [[Actually Ed the Undying]]:''
"Howdy, Adventurer!" says the jovial man behind the bar. "I'm Bart. Bart Ender. Say," he says, giving you a closer look, "that's an awful lot of bandages. Did you get into an accident or something?"

"Yes," you reply. "I am an adventurer, and I got into an adventuring-related mishap. You know how it is with adventurers! Ha ha! Listen, I'm trying to find an adventurer friend of mine, a <person> called <Player Name>. Have you seen <them> around?"

"<Player Name>…" Bart muses while polishing a glass. "Oh yeah! That <person> that helped me out with my rat problem. Say, listen, speaking of that, since you're an adventurer as well, I wonder if you could do me a favor?"

"What favor?"

"Well, see, <Player Name> turned off a leaking rat faucet in the basement for me. But ever since then, the beer hasn't tasted right."

"Sure," you nod, "that makes sense. After all, the first beer was basically mouse pee squeezed out of some damp grain that I got a friend of mine to drink on a dare. We refined the recipe some more after that, but… I… uh… what I mean to say is, how strange!"

"Yeah," says Bart, nodding slowly. "Strange is the word for it, all right. Anyway, I need somebody to go downstairs and turn the faucet back on, just a trickle. There's free drinks in it for you."

"Well, I'm kind of in a hurry, but I am interested in these modern drinks of yours, especially if they're free," you say.

"Great! I'll unlock the trapdoor for you. Be careful, it's dark down there. Probably still a few leftover rats scampering about… though, obviously, not quite enough."
----
*''During the quest:''
"Hey, if it isn't ol' <player name>. Had any luck finding the source of those rats? We're all counting on you!

"If you get thirsty, feel free to <u>order a drink</u>."

''(selecting "order a drink" leads to the shop interface below)''

*''During the quest as a [[Zombie Slayer]]:''
Bart is still polishing that skull. It doesn't look like he's moved since you saw him last. Zombies are creatures of habit, it seems.

"Hi, Bart," you say cheerfully.

"Gruhhhh."

"I'm still working on the rat situation, but don't you worry."

"Gruhhhhh."

"Any chance of a drink?"

"Gruhhhhh."

"So yes? No? Is that a no?"

"Gruhhhhh."

"Okay, never mind. I'll check back with you later."

*''During the quest as [[Actually Ed the Undying]]:''
"Hey there, buddy. Any luck getting that rat faucet turned back on? We're all counting on you! If you get thirsty, feel free to <u>order a drink</u>."
----
*''Upon completing the quest:''

"Rat faucet got left on, eh? That was probably Luanne. She was always doin' ditzy stuff like that. Right unfriendly to the customers, too. That's why I fired her ''and'' divorced her.

"Anyhow, thanks for your help, <Player Name>. Here -- by way of thanks, have a few drinks on the house!"
{{acquire|item=Typical Tavern swill|num=3}}

*''Upon completing the quest as a [[Zombie Slayer]]:''
"Hey, Bart, I fixed your rat problem. Someone left the faucet on."

"Guhhhhh?"

"I know, right? So how about a drink?"

"Guhhhhh?"

"Oh for look, don't worry about it, I'll just serve myself, okay?"

"Guhhhhh?"

You grab some mugs and pour yourself some tavern swill. The taps still work, surprisingly, and also surprisingly, the swill doesn't smell any worse than you remember. You would have expected it to get riper with age, or for a zombie to have fallen in one of the kegs and dissolved, or something.

Maybe that did happen, and the tavern swill is so strong, it doesn't make any difference. Or maybe that was Bart's secret ingredient all along.
{{acquire|item=Typical Tavern swill|num=3}}

*''Upon completing the quest while enrolled in [[KOLHS]]:''
"Rat faucet got left on, eh? That was probably Luanne. She was always doin' ditzy stuff like that. Right unfriendly to the customers, too. That's why I fired her and divorced her." Bart looks you up and down, suspiciously. "Say, I was going to give you some free booze as thanks for gettin' the job done, but I don't think you're old enough to be drinkin'. You got any I.D.?"

"Any idea about what?" you ask, innocently. "Oh, you mean I.D.? Uh, would you take my student I.D.?"

"You're still in high school? Fer cryin' out loud, are you tryin' to get me shut down?" Bart stops and mops his forehead with a rag. "Look, you're a decent sort, and you did help me out, so I'll give you some of the stuff I keep behind the bar for designated drivers.

He hands you a couple of frosty mugs. "Just don't tell anyone I almost served you booze, and don't tell anyone that I served you something that wasn't booze, okay? Okay."
{{acquire|item=root beer|num=3}}

*''Upon completing the quest as [[Actually Ed the Undying]]:''
"Okay," you tell Bart, "I found the faucet and turned it back on just a little bit. You should be good now."
"Thanks pal!" Bart grins. "My regulars are mighty particular about how the beer tastes."

"Sure, I can imagine," you say, looking around at the bar's clientele, which appears to be a brawl of people too busy hitting each other with their mugs to drink anything out of them, and a hollow-eyed guy standing in the corner nursing a club soda and a fistful of pills. "Anyway, Bart, about <playername> -- do you know where he went after <they> left here?"

"'Fraid not," Bart says, shaking his head. "Just sort of wandered off into the night, like adventurers do. Sorry. But here, let me set you up with a round on the house."
{{acquire|item=Typical Tavern swill|num=3}}
----
*''After the quest:''

"Hey, <Player Name>! Welcome back!

Thanks again for taking care of that rat problem. I'll tell you, though, ever since I fired Luanne, it's all I can do to keep this place running, much less keep it clean. If you ever wanna earn some extra Meat, I can always use help bussing tables, and mopping, and emptying spittoons and whatnot. Whaddya say?"

{{button|Sure, I'll help out. (5 Adventures)}}

You help Bart for a while. It's hard work, but with a little elbow grease, you manage to make the Tavern slightly less filthy. For your efforts, Bart thanks you and gives you a percentage of the day's tips.
{{meat|amount=some}}

*''Sometimes, instead:''

You help out at the Tavern for a while. Near the end of your shift, Bart stops you and says "Hey kid, do you know anything about another bar that opened up around here lately? This guy came in the other day, and was whispering all kinds of crazy nonsense. '<font color="blue">my <???></font>' he said. Kept going on and on about '<font color="blue">my <???></font>' Craziness. When I told him I didn't know what he was talkin' about, he said 'Oops, this must be the wrong bar.' You know anything about that? No? Oh well."
{{meat|amount=some}}

:*''During a [[Way of the Surprising Fist]] run, you donate will the meat, and this additional text will appear:''

:"Hooray!" you exclaim. "The war widows of Seaside Town will put this to great use!"

{{button|Nah, I'm just here to drink.}}

{| style="margin:auto"
|-
| style="padding-right: 1.5em" |[[File:barkeep.gif]]
|What'll it be, <Player Name>?
|}

{| style="margin:auto; text-align: left"
|-style="text-align: center"
!colspan="4" |Items for Sale:
|-style="text-align: center"
|colspan="2"|'''Item:''' (click for description)||Price:
|- 
{{StoreItem|item=day-old beer|price=25}}
{{StoreItem|item=plain old beer|price=50}}
{{StoreItem|item=Overpriced "imported" beer|price=100}}
|}

==Notes==
*The amount of meat rewarded for helping Bart (5 turns) is approximately 250, adjusted by your [[Meat from Monsters]] modifiers.
*The blue text can appear if you are in a Clan with [[A Speakeasy]], and is the first part of the password to unlock [[Bee's Knees]].
*You can help out at the bar while falling down drunk.
*If your familiar increases meat drops, its name will be added to the message:
:You help Bart for a while. It's hard work, but with a little elbow grease, (and a little help from <familiar name>) you manage to make the Tavern slightly less filthy. For your efforts, Bart thanks you and gives you a percentage of the day's tips.
*In a [[Zombie Slayer]] run, Bart won't offer any work or beer:
:"Hi there, Bart."

:"Gruhhhhh," he replies, continuing to polish that skull.

:"You need any help around the tavern or anything?"

:"Gruhhhhh."

:"No, I guess not. Um, I don't suppose you have anything for sale? Do you remember how that works? Selling things?"

:"Gruhhhhh."

:"Never mind," you sigh.
*In a [[KOLHS]] run, Bart will decline to sell you drinks with the message:

:Bart takes another look at you, and then points at the door.

:"Sorry kid, no booze for High School Kids."

*When serving drinks in [[Actually Ed the Undying]] Bart refers to you as buddy, instead of <playername>.

==History==
*The first implementation (up to [[History of Loathing (2005)#October 15, 2005|October 15, 2005]]), of the Typical Tavern Quest merely required you to collect ten {{plural|rat whisker}}.

==References==
*If you wonder where Bart got his name, try saying it out loud a few times.

[[Category:NPC Stores]]