View source for Time is a Möbius Strip

{{NeedsSpading|comment=chance of getting the NC once the timer is up/what exactly starts the timer}}
{{adventuretop|name=Time is a Möbius Strip|noimage=y|num=1562}}
There's a loud, world-wrenching ''whoom whoom whoom'' noise. The kind of noise you hear in a movie when the continuity of time is being threatened... weird. Also, why is your Möbius ring so warm. Possibilities from the past and future lay before you.

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{{button|I'm not messing with the timeline!}}
You decide not to mess with the timeline. Hopefully that's the same choice your past-self made that leads to your future self.

''(Skips adventure)''
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{{button|Borrow a cup of sugar from yourself}}

You feel the urge to bake some cookies. Not a typical urge for a fantasy adventurer type I guess, but hey, cookies are pretty good, right? Anyway, you're fresh out of sugar, so you "walk" next door (in the timeline) to borrow a cup from your neighbor (your future self). Hopefully he's not so far in the future that he's already used the cup of sugar he got from whoever he got it from.
{{acquire|item=cup of sugar}}
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{{button|Return the sugar you borrowed}}

No matter how many times you borrow sugar from your future selves to bake those cookies, you keep being interrupted by past selves who borrow the sugar from you. It's infuriating! How on earth are you ever gonna be able to bake those cookies? Eventually, you hit on the plan of stealing candy from yourself in the future before she finds it, and just grinding that up to use instead.

{{acquireEffect|effect=Sugar Debt|duration=50}}
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{{button|Draw a goatee on yourself}}

You twist your ring while walking, and see someone napping on a park bench -- oh hey, it's you. With barely-restrained mirthful glee, you take out a permanent marker and scribble a goatee on your sleeping self's face. It's the perfect revenge for how he ate the last doughnut even though you laced it with sleeping potion and put a sign next to it that said "This is mine, don't eat it! (signed, playername)" {{acquireEffect|effect=Merry Prankster|duration=30}}
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{{button|Succumb to evil}}

It probably wasn't a great idea to fill that last doughnut with sleeping potion so nobody else would eat it, because you ate it, and now you're very sleepy. You pass out on a park bench for a while, and when you wake up, you discover that some ass has scribbled a goatee on your face with a permanent marker. If you ever find out who did it, you'll kill her within an inch of her life.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Evil|duration=30}}
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{{button|Make friends with a famous poet}}
You have a wild dream about a beautiful magical city, and especially the pleasure dome that is the city's main tourist attraction. Ordinarily, you resist the urge to tell people about your dreams, because that is canonically one of the worst conversations you can inflict on a person, but this dream was so cool you've just got to tell someone about it. So you go back in time and tell this poet guy named Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

When you get back to the present, it turns out Coleridge wrote and published a whole poem about your dream, and became an even bigger deal than Shakespeare, if you can believe it. And he didn't even credit you, which stings, but it doesn't seem to have prevented you from becoming as obsessed with poetry as everyone else is now.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Just the Best Anapests|duration=1000}}
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{{button|Make enemies with a famous poet}}
Since you've gotten pretty sick of all the poetry (and if you haven't, I have), and wanting to stick it to Coleridge a bit for ripping off your dream, you go back in time again and bang on his door. He tries to explain that he's very busy with his writing, but you start blathering on at length about all the most disjointed and inane dreams you've ever had, and he's too polite to just kick you out of his house. Soon, he's completely forgotten the details for his poem, and you can return to a blissfully rhyme-free present. (With a bottle of wine you stole when Coleridge wasn't looking.)
{{acquire|item=fancy old wine}}
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{{button|Go back and take a 20-year-long nap}}

Let's be real: what's the first thing that anyone with any sense would do if a time-travel ring falls into their hands? That's right -- go back in time so you can take as long a nap as you want. You end up sleeping for twenty years straight, and it feels so good. The only kind of rough bit is that your dream ends up being really boring -- you just spent the whole time counting grains of sand on a cosmic beach. You counted all 69,420,037,023 of them, and then just sort of hung around for another year or two until you woke up. {{acquireEffect|effect=Older than You Look|duration=30}}
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{{button|Go back and set an alarm}}
Okay, honestly? The though of that 20-year-long dream about pointlessly counting sand is kind of bugging you. What a waste. You decide to not do that, and get an alarm clock to put next to your sleeping self to wake him up in like a year tops. You leave a note next to it that says "69,420,037,023 -- now go get a job".
{{acquire|item=clock}}
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{{button|Go for a nature walk}}
While you're strolling you absent-mindedly twist your ring way too much and end up visiting the carboniferous era. Turns out it's more like carnivorous era, as most of the plants you encounter want to eat you! In your struggles with the flora, you accidentally save the life of a giant butterfly. No way that could have any lasting impact right?

When you return to the present the formerly temperate climate is now just a never-ending thunderstorm, and you immediately get struck by lightning. A bunch.
{{HP}}
{{acquireEffect|effect=Stricken by Lightning|duration=30}}
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{{button|Go back in time and kill a butterfly}}
God, okay, clearly you messed something up with that whole butterfly thing, because it will just not stop tropical storming here. So you go back in time to find and kill that dang butterfly. It takes you a while to find the right one, so you actually end up killing <i>a lot</i> of butterflies. The present-day climate returns to normal, but now there's less food for birds and they're pissed. They take their aggression out on a bunch of unsuspecting pigs, for some reason.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Hint of Bacon|duration=30}}
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{{button|Cheeze it, it's the pigs!}}
Oh god! Oh crap! You just time-jumped here and there's a dead body on the floor and blood everywhere and ''why did you pick up the gun??'' It's got your fingerprints on it now, you idiot! Run! Run! Get out of here!

Aw jeez, you're terrible at running. The cops caught you and put you away for like thirty years.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Very Old|duration=100}}
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{{button|Aiding and abetterment}}
There must be some way to get back those thirty years you spent in prison. If only you'd gotten rid of the gun... you were so panicked, it didn't even occur to you to just drop it. Hmm, maybe all you needed was a reminder.

You jump back in time and wait on a street corner until you see yourself running down the street like a bat out of hell. "Get rid of the gun, idiot!" you yell at yourself. Seems like it must've gotten through, because shortly after that, you see yourself bumping into an innocent bystander and tossing the gun into their hands. The gun subsequently goes off, and in the confusion the other you manages to get away from the cops. Nice.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Scot Free|duration=100}}
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{{button|Plant some trees and harvest them in the future}}
You scatter a variety of fruits in your campground, then step thirty years into the future -- your campground has blossomed into a beautiful orchard full of fruit ripe and free for the taking! You also notice bands of roving out of work fruit-stand hippies ravaging the kingdom. Whoops.
{{acquire}}
''acquire 5 [[:Category:Fruit|fruits]]''
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{{button|Teach hippies to make jams and jellies}}
You travel a bit less than thirty years into the future, just as your campground fruit grove is beginning to screw up the economy of the local fruit-stand hippies. You teach them to use their fruits to make delicious jams and jellies as a value-add, thus preventing them from becoming roving bandits. They reward you with some of their goods.
{{acquire|item=mixed berry jelly|num=2}}
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{{button|Plant some seeds in the distant past}}
You decide to go back to your youth and plant a bunch of seeds. Wildflowers, nuts, whatever. You don't know much about it, but if you just throw a bunch of acorns and such everywhere, that'll probably do the trick. It's not like nature requires those little garden trowels and pruning shears in order for plants to work.

When you get back, it turns out way more plants root than you were expecting. There's so much oxygen now, you're practically getting high off of it!
{{acquireEffect|effect=Raised on Fresh Air|duration=30}}
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{{button|Chop down some trees}}
Okay, so, having all this oxygen everywhere is pretty cool, but you know what else is cool? A profitable lumber industry. So you pay a bunch of kids to cut down all the trees and mow down all the flowers for you, and pay them in like marbles and dead rats and that.
{{acquire|item=morningwood plank|num=3}}
{{acquire|item=cherry}}
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{{button|Play Schroedinger's Prank on yourself}}
The effects of this insane time paradox ring are ripe for scientific study, you suddenly decide, and furthermore you decide to see if you can replicate one of the classic scientific experiments -- Schrödinger's Cat. Which is not a real experiment, just a thought experiment, but that's fine since you're not really a scientist, just someone who kind of thinks of herself as one.

Anyway you load up one of your pockets with radioactive material and a fragile canister of poison gas, just to see if anything happens.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Schroedinger's Anticipation|duration=20}}
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{{button|Check your pocket}}
You open your pocket -- which as you might remember is definitely full of radioactive metal and maybe or maybe not also full of poison gas -- and take a deep whiff. The results are annoyingly inconclusive.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Neither Alive nor Dead|duration=20}}
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{{button|Steal a club from the past}}
You go back in time and find a dude clubbing some seals and sneakily take his club when he stops for lunch. Hopefully he didn't need that to save his village from a deadly seal invasion later.
{{acquire}}
''(Acquire random club)''
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{{button|Prevent the deadly seal invasion}}

You go back in time and single-handedly beat all the seals that would have destroyed the village where your great great great great great grandfather was born. You take a little bit of a beating yourself, but score a decent haul of Meat from the vanquished seals. {{HP|type=lose|amount=50}} {{meat|amount=500}}
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{{button|Borrow meat from your future}}
You encounter yourself in the future and borrow some meat from you. What with inflation, it's worth more to you anyway. You you, not them you, I mean.
{{meat|amount=1000|type=gain}}
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{{button|Repay yourself in the past}}
You find yourself in the far past and give yourself 10 meat. If you invest it wisely, that'll easily repay the 1000 you borrowed from the future you.
{{meat|amount=10|type=lose}}
{{acquireEffect|effect=Gaining Interest|duration=50}}
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{{button|Mind your own business}}
Hey, who's that nerd over there, writing in their journal? ...Oh, it's you. You make a mental note to apologize to yourself later for calling yourself a nerd, and walk over to peek over his shoulder to see what he's writing. It's pretty juicy stuff, so you take out your own journal to copy it down.
{{stat|mys=gain X}}
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{{button|Sit and write in your journal}}
You take a quiet moment to jot down some of the weird things that have happened to you recently, to try and keep the timeline straight in your head, if not in reality. After a moment, you feel the odd sensation of someone looking over your shoulder, so you hunker down to hide your writing from prying eyes. "Tch. Nerd," someone mutters.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Paranoia|duration=40}}
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{{button|Take the long odds on the trifecta}}

Turns out the big Loathing Derby horse race is today, so you take the opportunity to make some real Meat. You jump forward in time a couple of hours, and grab a copy of the race results: turns out it was "Prince Pumpernickelback" with the win, "Daddy's Other Meatcar" coming in second, and "The Complete Text of Atlas Shrugged" in third. Then you jump back to before the race, and bet the trifecta.

Good news! You won a crapton of Meat! Bad news: the local Mafia runs the bookies, and they do not like it when someone wins big. {{meat|amount=5000}} {{acquireEffect|effect=Marked by the Don|duration=100}}
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{{button|Fix the race and also fix the race}}

You go back in time a few days before the big race, and sneak into the stables where the the horses are quartered. (In the sense of "stored", not "divided into fourths". Although there are "quarter horses", so maybe they actually do that sometimes? I don't know how a horse can run a race with only one leg though. But anyway.) You find the three winning horses you (will have going to have) bet on, and whisper to them how glue is made, and how the fastest horses are used to make the strongest glue.

Naturally, the horses are pretty spooked by this (it does not take much to spook a horse), and they come in last. Fortunately, you also had the presence of mind to tip off the local Mafia goons about the fix, in time for them to bet accordingly. You've made some rich friends today.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Marked by the Don|type=lose}}
{{acquireEffect|effect=Favored by the Don|duration=100}}
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{{button|Go back and write a best-seller.}}
Suddenly moved to write The Great Loathingian Novel, you grab a pile of paper and pens and go back in time. After all, who cares if you don't know anything about writing or plotting or coming up with ideas? You've got all the time in time.

When you finally finish it, it becomes an instant best-seller. Your name becomes even more of a household word than Franklin J. Toilet.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Famous|duration=30}}
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{{button|Replace your novel with AI drivel}}
God! Celebrity is such a chore! Everyone bugging you for autographs and selfies and feet pics all the time, it's absolutely mind-numbing. How does Michael Cera deal with this??

You resolve to nip this in the bud, and travel back in time to replace the manuscript of your novel with a load of crap AI word salad. When it's published, it sells dismally and your name is immediately forgotten. Whew!
{{acquireEffect|effect=Care Free|duration=200}}
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{{button|Lift yourself up by your bootstraps}}
Can't be that hard. I mean, a person is pretty heavy, but you could surely lift that much weight for a little bit. Heck, you carry a you's worth weight all the time just when you're walking around. The tricky part is how to start. One foot at a time? Or maybe do a little hop?

Oh wait, you've got this time-travel thing going! You can just go find another you and lift him up, and that's basically the same thing, right?
{{stat|mus=gain X}}
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{{button|Let yourself get lifted up by your bootstraps}}
What the -- another you has suddenly appeared out of the time stream, and she's lifting you up by your bootstraps. Didn't even ask first, which is kind of rude of you. Although, when you think about it, having initiated this whole thing yourself in the past kind of implies consent. Right?

Anyway the view is pretty good up here.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Lifted by your Bootstraps|duration=100}}
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{{button|Shoot yourself in the foot}}
Someone runs by you, bumping your shoulder and shoving a gun into your hands as they pass. Wow, crazy -- that hardly ever happens. Guns aren't even very common in the Kingdom, due to it being ostensibly a fantasy setting, albeit very loosely restrained.

Suddenly, you feel a tap on your shoulder. Startled, you spin around, and are double-startled to see yourself from the future standing there! That's so much startling that you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot. Your other self, I mean. She seems pretty upset by this.
{{stat|mox=gain X}}
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{{button|Get shot in the foot}}
You see someone running away from some cops, and there's a small moment of confusion as they bump a passerby and keep running. Just to make sure they're okay, you walk over and tap the bystander on the shoulder. They whirl around, startled, and -- it's you! And he has a gun! And he shoots you right in the foot! What the heck??
{{acquireEffect|effect=Trailing Blood|duration=30}}
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{{button|Give your past self investment tips}}

You write out a quick note "Buy Bugbear Bakery and Monorail stock at 28 1/2" and slip it into another you's pocket in the past. When you return to the present, you find yourself holding a stock certificate.
{{acquire|item=Stock Certificate}}
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{{button|Steal from your future self}}
Traveling to the future, you discover that your future self has used all of your investment earnings on expensive food and expensiver booze. You balance the scales by swiping some of it for yourself. I mean, it's hardly even stealing, since it's yours already.

{{acquire}}
{{acquire}}
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{{button|Peek in on your future}}
You poke your head through the origami-like folds of time and discover your future: you'll live in a shack (not a mansion, apartment, or house), will become an adventurer (I guess that isn't news), and will have zero kids. Forewarned is forearmed!
{{acquireEffect|effect=Forearmed|duration=20}}
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{{button|Make yourself forget}}
In an effort to repair the timeline, you decide to make yourself forget what you've foreseen. Conking yourself on the head with a big mallet seems like a pretty cost-effective way to do that.

When you wake up, you've forgotten why you did that, as well as a bunch of other stuff. Looks like it wasn't a very precise solution to whatever the problem was. It's going to take some time for you to remember the things you didn't intend to forget.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Beaten Up|duration=3}}
''(Also provides 3 charges of [[Try to Remember]])''
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{{button|Defend yourself}}
"All right, you bastard, I'm putting an end to this right now," a voice growls behind you. You whirl around, and come face to face with... you! But not a regular you, this one's got a gun! Without even thinking, you jump to grab his wrist, and the two of you wrestle over the gun until -- ''BLAM!''

Fortunately, it wasn't you that took the bullet. I mean, it was, but not ''you'' you. The other you lies on the floor in a spreading pool of blood, the gun smoking next to him. If you're lucky, your fingerprints won't even be on it. ...Oh wait. Yeah, they will. But you manage to get out of there and into the safety of the streets before the cops show up. But are the streets really safe? Is anywhere safe now? If your other-time selves are gunning for you, they could pop up anywhere, and any''when''.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Paranoia|duration=30}}
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{{button|Assassinate yourself}}
You've had enough of jumping at shadows, worrying about other selves popping up out of time to kill you. You figure it's time you took the fight to them, by which you mean you. A shadowy figure in an alley sells you a gun. If you strike fast, just before the initial confrontation, and take out that first assassin-self, the future yous that descend from it will tumble like a row of dominoes.

Unfortunately, things don't go as planned. Being a little younger, the other you is also a little faster. The two of you wrestle for the gun, and the bullet punches a hole through your side, and through your consciousness. You wake up some time later and crawl to safety. You've lost a lot of blood, but you feel... calm, somehow. Wiser. Like maybe there was some kind of psychological catharsis deal or something. 
{{HP|type=lose|amount=50%}}
{{stat|mys=gain 300}}
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{{button|Stop your arch-nemesis as a baby}}
You step back in time and find yourself face to face with a baby Naughty Sorceress. She reaches for a tiny illustrated codex of naughty spells, but you grab a handy book of nice blessings and give her that instead. She chews on the thick cardboard pages gleefully.

Returning to the present, you discover a world overrun with listless adventurers lacking any goal in life. One of them gives you a pamphlet about finding your life goals. {{acquire|item=Life Goals Pamphlet}}
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{{button|Go back and make the Naughty Sorceress naughty again}}
You focus on the Naughty Sorceress and end up in a classroom filled with teenagers. You spot the teenage Naughty Sorceress with her hand politely raised to answer a question, "<i>*cough*</i>teacher's pet<i>*cough,*</i>" you taunt. As the class takes up the taunt in chorus, you see the light of kindness and mirth fade from the future sorceress's eyes forever. When you rematerialize in the present, you find something in your hand. {{acquire|item=bully badge}}
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{{button|Steal a cupcake from young Susie}}
As you wander through your past -- idle reminiscing is much easier when you can just go back there -- you spot the little kid version of Susie, the Arena Mistress, who has set up an adorable cupcake vendor stand.

You tap her on the shoulder and say "Hey, look at that weird dog over there!" which distracts her long enough for you to steal her last cupcake and leg it. The cupcake looks ''delicious'', but Susie is terribly embittered by the experience, and later in life she makes her arena fee ten times higher out of hatred of adventurers.
{{acquire|item=Susie's cupcake}}
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{{button|Bake Susie a cupcake}}
Because you either feel bad about stealing a cupcake from a little kid or about paying so much Meat to use the Arena, you steal a cupcake from a baker's market stall, and sneak it into Susie's stand when she isn't looking. Susie is touched by the anonymous gesture, and you either feel good about doing a good deed, or because you like stealing cupcakes from people.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Good Feelings|duration=30}}
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{{button|Hey, free gun!}}

''BLAM!'' You hear a loud noise nearby. There's a huge commotion, people yelling, cops running around asking questions and dragging somebody to the hospital. Wonder what happened?

Oh hey! There's a gun on the ground. Neat! Don't see those every day.
{{acquire|item=the gun}}
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{{button|Sell the gun}}
You start to feel like you should get rid of this gun you found. It's a cool weapon, but even if it isn't literally cursed, it does feel... unsavory. Like maybe you risk attracting the wrong kind of attention by having it. You end up selling it to someone in an alley. It's too dark to see who, and anyway you were too busy counting their Meat to look at their face.
{{meat|amount=2546}}
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{{button|Meet your parents when they were young}}
You go back in time to check out what your parents were like as teenagers, just as a laugh, but you forgot about how they used to drive on the other side of the road back then, and your grandpa hits ''you'' with his Meatcar, instead of your dad. This completely screws up how your parents originally met, and through a long and chaotic series of events... well, long story short, you're your own mother now. This is exactly as confusing and uncomfortable to think about as you might imagine it to be.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Your Own Parents|duration=200}}
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{{button|Fix your parents' relationship}}
Unable to deal with the thought of how uncomfortable the next big family reunion is going to be, you resolve to go back in time and make sure your parents meet properly. This turns out to be pretty simple, because all you really have to do is shove your dad into traffic. Then your mom nurses him back to health, and it's all pretty adorable so long as you can keep from getting weirded out by the fact that this is your parents we're talking about.
{{acquireEffect|effect=Met Cute|duration=50}}
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Occurs occasionally when a [[Möbius ring]] is equipped.

==Notes==
* Does not take a turn.
* The first noncombat can occur 4 adventures after your first encounter with the ring, subsequent NC appearing after 7/13/19/25/31/41/41/41/41/41/51/51/51/51/51/76/76/76/76/76/76/? adventures have passed since the previous encounter.
:* You don't need to have the ring equipped to progress the timer, but wearing it seems required to start the timer for the first NC.
:* Once the timer is up, has a high chance(how much?) to appear when adventuring with the ring.
:* Free fights and runaways don't advance the timer, but can be used to fish for the NC once it has a chance to appear.
*Choosing to "Steal a cupcake from young Susie" increases the cost of events at [[The Cake-Shaped Arena]] from 100 meat to 1,000 meat. This lasts until you ascend or choose to "Bake Susie a cupcake".
* There are 23 choices you can take (not counting "I'm not messing with the timeline!"). Initially all of them are about creating a paradox or altering the timeline, taking a choice increases your Paradoxicity by 1 and replaces that choice in the following NCs with a related choice about fixing the timeline. Taking that new choice decreases your Paradoxicity by 1 and restores the original choice.
{| cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" border="1" style="width:99%; margin-right:0; text-align: center"
|- style="background-color: #EEEEEE"
! width=50% | Increases Paradoxicity
! width=50% | Decreases Paradoxicity
|- 
| '''Draw a goatee on yourself'''<br>{{InlineItem|Merry Prankster}}<br><span style="color: blue">+5 Stats Per Fight</span> (30 turns)
| '''Succumb to evil'''<br>{{InlineItem|Evil}}<br><span style="color: blue">+30 to Monster Level</span> (30 turns)
|- 
| '''Stop your arch-nemesis as a baby'''<br>{{InlineItem|Life Goals Pamphlet}}<br><span style="color: blue">-Combat Frequency</span> (25 turns) 
| '''Go back and make the Naughty Sorceress naughty again'''<br>{{InlineItem|bully badge}} x1<br><span style="color: blue">+Combat Frequency</span> (Melting accessory)
|- 
| '''Defend yourself'''<br>{{InlineItem|Paranoia}}<br><span style="color: blue">Maximum MP -10, +50% Combat Initiative</span> (20 turns)
| '''Assassinate yourself''' {{HP|type=lose|percent=50|}}{{stat|mys=gain X}}
|- 
| '''Take the long odds on the trifecta'''<br>{{meat|amount=5000}}{{InlineItem|Marked by the Don}}<br><span style="color: blue">-HP</span> after combat (100 turns)
| '''Fix the race and also fix the race'''<br>{{InlineItem|Favored by the Don}}<br>Penguins give you meat after combat. (100 turns)<br>Lose [[Marked by the Don]]
|- 
| '''Plant some seeds in the distant past'''<br>{{InlineItem|Raised on Fresh Air}}<br><span style="color: blue">Maximum HP +30, Muscle +15</span> (30 turns)
| '''Chop down some trees'''<br>{{InlineItem|morningwood plank}} x3, {{InlineItem|cherry}} x1
|- 
| '''Give your past self investment tips'''<br>{{InlineItem|Stock Certificate}} x1<br>Appreciates in value, up to 5,000 meat in 500 turns
| '''Steal from your future self'''<br>random food x1, random booze x1
|-
| '''Steal a cupcake from young Susie'''<br>{{InlineItem|Susie's cupcake}} x1<br><span style="color: purple">EPIC</span> food (size: 1)
| '''Bake Susie a cupcake'''<br>{{InlineItem|Good Feelings}}<br><span style="color: blue">+10% to Stat Gains</span> (50 turns)
|- 
| '''Borrow a cup of sugar from yourself'''<br>{{InlineItem|cup of sugar}} x1<br><span style="color: green">good</span> food (size: 1) with [[Sugar Rush]] effect (10 turns)
| '''Return the sugar you borrowed'''<br>{{InlineItem|Sugar Debt}}<br><span style="color: blue">-100% Candy Drops from Monsters</span>
|- 
| '''Play Schroedinger's Prank on yourself'''<br>{{InlineItem|Schroedinger's Anticipation}}<br>+25 {{element|Hot}} (20 turns)
| '''Check your pocket'''<br>{{InlineItem|Neither Alive nor Dead}}<br><span style="color: blue">Maximum HP & Muscle Increased</span> (20 turns)
|- 
| '''Shoot yourself in the foot'''<br>{{stat|mox=gain X}}
| '''Get shot in the foot'''<br>{{InlineItem|Trailing Blood}}<br><span style="color: blue">Maximum HP -10, +Combat Frequency</span> (30 turns)
|- 
| '''Meet your parents when they were young'''<br>{{InlineItem|Your Own Parents}}<br><span style="color: blue">Moxie -15, -50% Combat Initiative</span> (200 turns)
| '''Fix your parents' relationship'''<br>{{InlineItem|Met Cute}}<br><span style="color: blue">Moxie +20, +5 to Familiar Weight</span> (50 turns)
|- 
| '''Go back and take a 20-year-long nap'''<br>{{InlineItem|Older than You Look}}<br><span style="color: blue">Maximum MP +30, Mysticality +15</span> (30 turns)
| '''Go back and set an alarm'''<br>{{InlineItem|clock}} x1<br>Grants 3 adventures, then 2. 
|- 
| '''Lift yourself up by your bootstraps'''<br>{{stat|mus=gain X}}
| '''Let yourself get lifted up by your bootstraps'''<br>{{InlineItem|Lifted by your Bootstraps}}<br><span style="color: blue">+5 Familiar Experience Per Combat</span> (100 turns)
|- 
| '''Go back and write a best-seller.'''<br>{{InlineItem|Famous}}<br><span style="color: blue">+25 Moxie</span> (30 turns)
| '''Replace your novel with AI drivel'''<br>{{InlineItem|Care Free}}<br>Provides 5 [[Resting#Free_Rests|Free Rests]] while active. (100 turns)
|- 
| '''Peek in on your future'''<br> {{InlineItem|Forearmed}}<br><span style="color: blue">+100% Weapon Drops from Monsters</span>(20 turns)
| '''Make yourself forget'''<br>{{InlineItem|Beaten Up}} (3 turns)<br> 3 charges of [[Try to Remember]], a [[Adventure_Queue#Queue_Manipulation_sources|sniff]]
|- 
| '''Steal a club from the past'''<br>random [[clubs|club]] x1
| '''Prevent the deadly seal invasion'''<br>{{HP|type=lose|amount=50}}{{meat|amount=500}}
|- 
| '''Mind your own business'''<br>{{stat|mys=gain X}}
| '''Sit and write in your journal'''<br>{{InlineItem|Paranoia}}<br><span style="color: blue">Maximum MP -10, +50% Combat Initiative</span> (40 turns)
|- 
| '''Plant some trees and harvest them in the future'''<br>random [[fruit]] x5
| '''Teach hippies to make jams and jellies'''<br>{{InlineItem|Mixed berry jelly}} x2<br>[[Yellow_ray_strategy#Similar_disintegration_actions|Drop-forcing]] spleen item
|- 
| '''Go for a nature walk'''<br>{{InlineItem|Stricken by Lightning}}<br><span style="color: blue">Regenerate 6-12 MP per Adventure</span> (30 turns)
| '''Go back in time and kill a butterfly'''<br>{{InlineItem|Hint of Bacon}}<br><span style="color: blue">Regenerate 10-20 HP per Adventure</span> (30 turns)
|- 
| '''Hey, free gun!'''<br>[[The gun]] x1<br>+50 {{element|Sleaze}} ranged weapon
| '''Sell the gun'''<br>{{meat|amount=2546}}-1 [[The gun]]
|- 
| '''Make friends with a famous poet'''<br>{{InlineItem|Just the Best Anapests}}<br>Combat text is in [[Anapest combat|anapestic rhyme]] (1,000 turns)
| '''Make enemies with a famous poet'''<br>{{InlineItem|Fancy old wine}} x1<br><span style="color: blue">awesome</span> booze (size: 3)<br>Lose [[Just the Best Anapests]] effect
|- 
| '''Cheeze it, it's the pigs!'''<br>{{InlineItem|Very Old}}<br><span style="color: blue">Muscle -30, Maximum HP -15</span> (100 turns)
| '''Aiding and abetterment'''<br>{{InlineItem|Scot Free}}<br><span style="color: blue">+10% Combat Initiative</span> (100 turns)
|- 
| '''Borrow meat from your future'''<br>{{meat|amount=1000}}
| '''Repay yourself in the past'''<br>{{meat|type=lose|amount=10}}{{InlineItem|Gaining Interest}}<br><span style="color: blue">+30% Meat from Monsters</span> (50 turns)
|}

==References==
* The third place horse race finisher refers to the winning team of the 2013 M.I.T. Mystery Hunt, which chose as its name the complete text of the novel ''Atlas Shrugged,'' "due I suppose to the lack of character limit in the registration form and too much creativity."[https://www.wired.com/2013/01/2013-the-year-the-mystery-hunt-broke/]
* "Mansion, apartment, shack, or house," usually abbreviated as MASH, is a game played by elementary schoolers where a piece of paper is folded into a kind of origami fortune teller.