View source for Weapons-Assembly Elfborg

{{retired}}
{{battle
|text=This poor elf used to make all of the war toys for Uncle Crimbo. Now he's been assimilated by the Crimborg and set to task putting together doing actual weapons assembly. He's much more efficient than the elfborg in charge of weapons dissembling, since that one just denies there're any weapons at all. Anyway, you might imagine that an elfborg that puts together weapons for a living has a pretty impressive arsenal, and you'd be right.

|hit=It extends six or seven wiry appendages, each of which holds a different deadly weapon. You quickly find yourself dodging a hail of bullets, arrows, laserbolts, rocks, and one frightened chicken.  {{ouch|8}}

It fires a crossbow bolt straight through your {{part}}. Happy Crimbo!

It inserts a sub-cutaneous implant into your sensitive flesh. Irritating!

It stomps on you with its big metal boots. That's no mean feat, but it sure is a pair of mean feet.  {{ouch|8}}

|critical=!

|miss=It fires a crossbow bolt at you, but you bolt away from it.

It tries to stomp on you with its big metal boots, but you find its feet trivial, and dodging them a trivial feat.

It tries to crush you in its calipers, but you don't wanna be crushed, buried in fear, or left for tot.

It starts to attack again, but has to pause to download a service patch from the hivemind.

|fumble=It pulls several triggers on several different weapons, eliciting a series of hollow *click* noises. Looks like the elfbot in charge of actually loading the weapons is on a smoke break.}}

{{acquire|item=iGoogly|chance=9.5%}}
{{acquire|item=LED block|chance=9.9%}}
{{acquire|item=nanofiber cloth|chance=9.4%}}
{{acquire|item=synthetic stuffing|chance=9.2%}}
{{acquire|item=theoretical string|chance=8.9%}}
{{acquire|item=toy hoverpad|chance=9.1%}}
----
Occurred at [[Crimbo Town Toy Factory (2007)]].

==References==
*"Don't wanna be crushed, buried in fear, or left for töt" is a reference to the song "Rappers We Crush," by Kompressor and MC Frontalot.
*"Download a service patch" refers to a common software updating strategy.
*"Assembling" and "dissembling" are similar-sounding words, but "dissembling" is lying, as opposed to "disassembling."
*The hit message which mentions "one frightened chicken" may refer to the [[Wikipedia:NASA Chicken Gun|NASA Chicken Gun]].
*The third attack message probably refers to the movie [[Wikipedia:Star Trek: First Contact|Star Trek: First Contact]], in which the Emergency Medical Hologram reveals that Borg implants cause "severe skin irritation".
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Please refrain from adding a reference to Royal Canadian Air Farce's "Chicken Cannon" here, unless you can offer proof on the talk page. It is unlikely that Americans would watch Canadian political satire.

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