Ice cream truck

Ice cream truck
Monster ID	1500
Locations	A Deserted Stretch of I-911
Hit Points	1
Attack	Player's Moxie+3 (min 10)
Defense	Player's Muscle+3 (min 10)
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	construct
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	antenna, body, fender, ladder, wheel
Drops	ice cream sandwich, plain paper hat
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting an ice cream truck

This is a semi-truck full of novelty frozen goods. Not frozen novelty goods, as in, like, a whoopie-cushion dipped in liquid nitrogen. I'm talking those weird popsicles that are supposed to look like characters from cartoons and stuff, but which get melted and frozen so many times that they turn into Lovecraftian-horror-on-a-stick.

This truck delivers them to your neighborhood ding-a-ling ice-cream trucks. It doesn't play any music, except for the Smooth Sound of Golden Country Hits that the truck driver plays in the cab.

Hit Message(s):

The driver tosses a chunk of ice out the window. It hits and gives you a black eye, but at least you have something to put on the bruise. Brrrrrrrrrrr.

The driver says, "breaker, breaker," on his CB, then hits you with the truck and breaks your <kidney>. Ooh!

The truck belches diesel smoke from its smokestacks, making you choke until you see spots. Argh!

The truck swerves into you, sideswiping your entire side. Ooh!

A giant icicle falls off the back of the truck and spears your face. Brrrrrrrrrrr.

Critical Hit Message:

The driver tosses a novelty popsicle out of the cab, hitting you in the face with icy syrupy confection. Brrrrrrrrrrr.

Miss Message(s):

The driver tosses a chunk of ice at you, but you're cool enough to dodge.

The driver asks you what your 20 is, but you're not up on CB lingo.

The truck belches smoke, but you demand that it say, "excuse me."

The truck swerves at you, but the hare pulls you out of the way at the last moment.

A giant icicle falls off the back of the truck, but the hare bats it out of thew ay.^[sic]

Fumble Message:

The driver tosses a popsicle at you, but the hare bats it out of the way. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

If you deal 0 Cold damage

The Hare looks at the smoking wreckage of the vehicle, then looks at you.

"Uhh... Thanks... I guess..."

If you deal at least 1 Cold damage

The truck skids off the side of the road on the massive sheet of ice you've created. The hare straps on some skates and makes significant progress down the road.

X Seconds Saved!

You acquire an item: ice cream sandwich (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: plain paper hat (2% chance)*

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Occurs at A Deserted Stretch of I-911.

Notes

• This monster cannot be copied.