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| [[image:Wilkes.gif|In The Back Room... With Front Curtains.|center]] | | [[File:Wilkes.gif|center|In The Back Room... With Front Curtains.]] |
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| The Back Room is located in [[John Wilke's Booth]] and is used to send gifts to the wrestler of your choice, provided they are in an upcoming match. How these gifts will be used is yet to be seen, but it can be assumed they will have some outcome on the match. As gifts are donated, the payout for that wrestler in the booth seems to go down. | | The Back Room is located in [[John Wilke's Booth]] and is used to send gifts to the wrestler of your choice, provided they are in an upcoming match. Exactly how these gifts will be used is yet to be seen, but it can be assured that they will have some bearing on the match outcome. As gifts are donated, the payout for that wrestler in the booth seems to go down. |
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| <quantity box><itemlist dropdown box> <br /> | | <quantity box><itemlist dropdown box> <br /> |
| Meat to pay for the gift package will come from your on-hand meat/Hagnk's. <br /> | | Meat to pay for the gift package will come from your on-hand meat/Hagnk's. <br /> |
| (Send Gift)
| | {{button|Send Gift}} |
| </center> | | </center> |
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| *If you have items in Hagnk's: | | *If you have items in Hagnk's: |
| :You follow John Wilke to a small, dimly lit room behind his booth. There's a counter with gift wrap, scissors, and tape lying out on it. "You just pick what you want to put in the gift," John Wilke says, "and I'll wrap it up and deliver it for you. Or, if your stuff's in Hagnk's, I'll have Godot's Delivery Service make the delivery. You can send 'em whatever you want for just 100 meat." | | :You follow John Wilke to a small, dimly lit room behind his booth. There's a counter with gift wrap, scissors, and tape lying out on it. "You just pick what you want to put in the gift," John Wilke says, "and I'll wrap it up and deliver it for you. Or, if your stuff's in Hagnk's, I'll have Godot's Delivery Service make the delivery. You can send 'em whatever you want for just 100 meat." |
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| <center>You have <X> Meat in [[Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage|Hangk's]]. <br /> | | <center>You have <X> Meat in [[Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage|Hagnk's]]. <br /> |
| Send Items from <dropdownbox>:Your Inventory/[[Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage]] <br /> | | Send Items from <dropdownbox>:Your Inventory/[[Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage]] <br /> |
| Wrestler <dropdownbox> Pick a wrestler <br /> | | Wrestler <dropdownbox> Pick a wrestler <br /> |
| <quantity box><itemlist dropdown box> <br /> | | <quantity box><itemlist dropdown box> <br /> |
| Meat to pay for the gift package will come from your on-hand meat/Hagnk's. <br /> | | Meat to pay for the gift package will come from your on-hand meat/Hagnk's. <br /> |
| (Send Gift)
| | {{button|Send Gift}} |
| </center> | | </center> |
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| ==Sending a Gift== | | ==Sending a Gift== |
| ----------------------------
| | Gifts are limited to items which may be equipped or consumed. There are actually ten types of gifts: Weapon, Armor, Feast, Food, Cocktail, Cordial, Booze, Beer, Spleen and Misc. The "Armor" type consists of hats, pants, and shirts. "Feast" food is food that is very good (Reagent Pasta, Chow Mein, Hi Mein), whereas all other, lesser foods is of the "Food" type. "Cocktails" are drinks that requires [[Advanced Cocktailcrafting]] to make. "Cordials" are mixed drinks made with hard liquor or fermenting powder (mushroom or regular) mixed with fruit (a cordial is a drink that is mixed with fruit). "Booze" is simply unmixed hard liquor (bottle of gin, vodka, etc.). "Beer" type drinks are the remaining, lightest drinks, including mixed beer drinks. "Spleen" gifts are any stat-boosting items. "Misc" gifts include accessories, off-hand items, and other miscellaneous consumable items. |
| When you select an item for the person it sends a gift and gives you a letter based on both: they type of item you sent, and the wrestler you sent it to. You may only send consumable items or equipable items. There are ten categories of responses: Weapon, armor, good food, food, booze, beer, cocktail, cordial, spleen and unknown. Hats, Pants (and presumably) Shirts give the "Armor" message. Food that requires more cooking than others gives a good food response. The lightest drinks give the "Beer" response (this includes mixing beer with things), harder liquor (bottle of gin, vodka, etc.) gives the "Booze" response. Hard liquor mixed with fruit gives the "Cordial" response(a cordial is a drink that is mixed with fruit). Sending a drink that requires [[Advanced Cocktailcrafting]] to make yields the "Cocktail" response. Any stat-boosting item nets you the "Spleen" response. Any Miscellaneous Consumable items Off-Hand items or Accessories fall under the "Unknown" category.
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| | Once a gift is sent, the wrestler will send you a thank-you note redolent of the personality of the sender, and with the text of the note being dependent upon the type of gift. The text of all the possible thank-you notes from each wrestler are listed on the [[Peruse_The_KWE_Fact_Book|individual page of that wrestler]]. |
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| *If you send the item from your inventory: | | *If you send the item from your inventory: |
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| :To: <your name> <br \> | | :To: <your name> <br \> |
| :From: <wrestler name> | | :From: <wrestler name> |
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| ===[[Das Überkühlraum]]===
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| ----------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :Now, kinder, why would you think a big strong wrestler needs a weapon to win a match? I don't need it, but I will use it just because it is a gift from you, mein friend.
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| *Armor:
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| :Meinekleine friend, I don't know if this will fit on my big, strong wrestler's body! But I will try. Some mean people called bookies are saying Das ÜberKühlraum needs all the help he can get!
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| *Good Food:
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| :Ja, mein friend, this is just what Das Überkühlraum needs to grow big and strong! And also fatter and fatter, but that just means I will be more jolly, nein? Ja? Nein?
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| *Food:
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| :Yes, mein little friend, this is just what Das Überkühlraum needs! A little food for me. Very little, it looks like. Ha! A little joke, ja? Very little, it looks like.
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| *Cocktail:
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| :Oh, mein little friend, but Das Überkühlraum should not drink this. It is good for the frauhlein, ja, but not for a big, strong wrestler. Just for you, though, I will drink it.
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| *Cordial:
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| :Ah, very good! This magic drink will make Das Überkühlraum very happy. Just remember that these drinks are for grown-ups only! Kinder who want to grow up to be big, strong wrestlers should not drink them. Wait until you are a big, strong wrestler like me, then you can drink all you want! And believe me, you will want.
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| *Booze:
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| :Ah, hard liquor. Though kids like yourself should not drink grown-up drinks, for me this drink shall do much good. You see, sometimes, mein little friend, Das ÜberKühlraum thinks too much. This magic drink makes him stop thinking, ja?
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| *Beer:
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| :Ah, thank you for this nice glass of water! This is a little joke - though this beer is not strong and dark like the bieren of my country, surely it will get me just as drunk. If I drink three times as many. Ha! Another little joke!
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| *Spleen:
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| :Ah, a booster to my stats! Thank you, mein little friend. This will surely help me win the fight today. If you want to be big and strong like me, you should take some of these every day. And don't forget to eat your vegetables, ja? Also, do not smoke.
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| *Unknown:
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| :Thank you, mein friend! I am not sure how to use this, but I am sure I will figure it out before the big match, ja? If not, perhaps I can just throw it at my opponent!
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| ===[[Vaso De Agua]]===
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| *Weapon:
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| :My dear amigo, do you not see that this body is a weapon? This wit, honed to a razor edge, the only sword I need? Still, though my fists are deadly, my fist with this in it will be deadlier. Gracias.
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| *Armor:
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| :If only, amigo, if only one could meatsmith armor to guard the soul from love's misfortunes. That would truly be a great thing. But armoring the stomach from suckerpunches is almost as worthy.
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| *Food:
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| :This will be, I think, a meager repast for a man of my many appetites. However, I take solace in the fact that it will not harm my figure to indulge in eating it. Thank you, amigo.
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| *Better Food:
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| :Now this, this is a feast worthy of the great Vaso de Agua! I give you thanks, amigo. I suppose this shall go straight to my thighs; still, I shall eat it. Food is one of life's bittersweet ironies, ¿Verdad?
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| *Cocktail:
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| :Ah, amigo, you mistake me. Just because I am a sensitive man does not mean that I drink a sensitive beverage. Just this once, however, I shall drink it to show my gratitude to you. As they say in my home country, "Mejor ser mariposa que muerto."
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| *Cordial:
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| :Ah, how like life this drink is. The bitter alcohol combined with the sweetness of fruit or carbonated beverages. I shall drink this and ponder Laharina, a girl I once knew. Salud!
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| *Booze:
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| :Aha, the hard stuff. Now this is what I need to get me through a long night playing flamenco music on my guitar and lamenting the loss of my lover. As they say in my country, "Los porteros no saben el nombre de mi cuchillo."
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| *Beer:
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| :This is not the beer of my country - it is far too full-bodied and dark. But I shall drink it anyway and drown the sorrows of my romantic, tragic existence. Gracias.
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| *Spleen:
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| :Gracias for the stat boosters, amigo. Though I hardly need them, buff as I am, I am grateful. As they say in my country, "La chaqueta en fuego es un gato sin ojos."
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| *Unknown:
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| :Amigo, I thank you for this beautiful, yet baffling, gift. Once I figure out what it does, I am sure it will help me in the upcoming match. As they say in my country, "la seda de los niños es dulce."
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| ===[[The Grand Poo-Bah]]===
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| ----------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :What, so now I've got to carry some weapon into the ring to win? Whatever, kid. Maybe this'll give me an edge, but maybe I don't need an edge! Ever think about that?
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| *Armor:
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| :Y'know, it's probably not a bad idea to wear a little protection in the ring. You know what I'm sayin', kid? Protection?
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| *Good Food:
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| *Food:
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| :Oh, great, a crappy meal. This stuff will stunt your growth, kid, and I oughta know. I'll eat it, but I'm betting it goes right through me.
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| *Cocktail:
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| :All right! I like to get a little loose before a match, y'know? Lubricated, if you get my drift. This baby will do me just fine. Thanks, kid. I owe ya one.
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| *Cordial:
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| :Hey, now this is just what the doctor ordered, kid. Say, have you ever thought about joining the Knights Templers? They're a good bunch of guys. We're running more of this show than you know, kid... better to be our friend than our enemy, if you get my drift.
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| *Booze:
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| :Ain't no way I'm drinking this, kiddo. I'm all man, you know what I mean? Look at this - it's all fruity and girly. You know what they say about guys who drink these, don'tcha? Look, I'll drink it, just don't tell anyone.
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| *Beer:
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| :Now we're talkin'. A couple of these bad boys and I'll be flying, you know what I mean? Do ya? Anyway, thanks.
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| *Spleen:
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| :What the hell is this, kid? You think I need to boost my stats now? You don't know that I'm the buffest, baddest wrestler out there? Give me a break, kid. This is an insult! I'll take it just to be nice, but it's an insult!
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| *Unknown:
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| :I don't even know what this thing is, kid. I'll give it to Manny, and see if he can figure it out before the match. Thanks, I guess.
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| ===[[Thorny Toad]]===
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| ----------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :Thorny thank for weapon. Thorny use it to hit people in ring and win fight. Then Thorny get flies from nice people who take care of Thorny.
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| *Armor:
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| :Thorny no like to wear clothes. But Thorny will wear this clothes to not make hurt in the fight. Not hurt Thorny. Other guy get hurt.
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| *Good Food:
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| :This look good food, but Thorny think it not better than flies. You got flies to go with that shake? Thorny make joke. Thorny hope food no make him slow in fight.
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| *Food:
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| :Thorny sometimes eat people food, but Thorny really like flies. This look like it will taste like flies, though. Thank for food. Croak croak.
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| *Cocktail:
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| :Thorny not like fancy girl drinks. Drinks should have only fire and sweet or foam, not fancy girl things. Thorny will drink drink, but must protest fancy girl things. Like Thorny's dad always tell him, "croak croak croak, croak."
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| *Cordial:
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| :This taste like sweet and fire all together. Thorny would like many more of these. Make Thorny feel good. Only thing that feels better is when Thorny licks his arm. You want try lick Thorny's arm? You see pretty things.
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| *Booze:
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| :Thorny think this smell like fire, but Thorny drink it anyway. Taste like fire too. Put fire inside Thorny. It hurts Thorny but Thorny like it. Thank for firey drink. Croak croak croak.
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| *Beer:
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| :Thorny say thank for foamy drink. It taste like water from swamp where Thorny live. Thorny drink and feel good. Croak croak croak.
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| *Spleen:
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| :Thorny get big and strong. Thorny like stat booster. Thorny say thank for stat booster. Like Thorny's dad say, "croak croak croak croak."
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| *Unknown:
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| :Thorny not sure what to do with this, but Thorny will ask nice people who take care of Thorny. Croak croak.
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| ===[[Chori Zo]]===
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| *Weapon:
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| :OMG kawaaaaaiiii! I ken beet the cr@p out of peeps with this! Thxxxxxxxxx! XOXOXOXXOXOXO ^____^
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| *Armor:
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| :OMG I hope this doent haid mai kawaaaaaiiii uniform!11!!!! tytytyty!!!!11!!!@@@ XOXO
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| *Good Food:
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| :W000t this is gud fud!!!11!!! TYTYTYTYTY! OMG I hope I dont get phat! jk lol bai.
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| *Food:
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| :W0000t sum gud fud!!!1!!! W8, this fud is not so gud O________o. OK it prolly tastes good, tho! ThXxXxxxxx! ^_____^
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| *Cocktail:
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| :O_O OMG KAWAAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!111!!!!!111!!!!! i cant drink this it is soooo cayuuuuute!!!11!!! i feel sooooo bad drinking it!!!11!!! it tastes really good tho and is so kawaaaaaii!!!111!!! ty!!!111!!! ^_____^
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| *Cordial:
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| :OMG that wuz soooo sweeeeeeeet!1!!!!!!!1! ty u r so kewl!11!!! u might even be kewler than me (jk)!!!11!!! tttttttyyyyy!!11!!! ^_____^
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| *Booze:
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| :OMG booze!!!11!!! awesuuuum!!!11!! i cant bai booze cuz they always card me !_! ty ty and cum cheer me on, kk?!!? ttyl!!!
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| *Beer:
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| :OMG ur tew kewl!11!!! i luuuvvvv beer!!!111!!! ur such a sweeeeetie!!!11!!! make sure n cheer me on, kk?!!?!!? i <3 u ^_____^
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| *Spleen:
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| :OMG tx 4 the boost!!!111!!! im so happy i just want to dance!!!111! ty ty ur sooooo kewwwwwl!11!!! im gonna win just 4 u ^_______________^
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| *Unknown:
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| :@_@ wut duz this do?!?!!?!!?!!? I will trai and find out, kk? KTHXBAI!!!!111!!!111!!!!
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| ===[[Morbidda]]===
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| -----------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :I, I who have worn the intestines of the damned as bracelets need no mortal weapon! But perhaps I shall use it all the same. I'm sure I can devise some creative use for it. Mwa-ha! Mwa-ha-ha!
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| *Armor:
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| :Can you not see that my body is scantily clad in living armor? Just the same, perhaps I may cover my slightly vulnerable places with this. You have pleased me -- I will devise exquisite torments for you.
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| *Good Food:
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| :Now this is food worthy of the Queen of the Damned! All shall bow before me when I have eaten this food! Although perhaps it shall endanger my girlish figure... how deliciously evil.
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| *Food:
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| :You dare to send this food to me? I, who have dined on the livers of the damned? Although, to be honest, the livers of the damned could use some salt. Thanks anyway.
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| *Cocktail:
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| :What, do I look like I carry a Hello Kitty backpack? Save the cutes for somebody else, toots. I like my liquor like I like my damned souls: tortured for all eternity. Or at least not with a little umbrella in them. Unless maybe it's a barbed, poisoned umbrella pounded into their eye sockets. Hmmm... perhaps I shall drink it after all.
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| *Cordial:
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| :Though I don't need any sweetness mixed in with my booze, I'll enjoy this anyway. Isn't it nice when something appears to be sweet and wholesome, like say orange juice, but then underneath it's evil and vile, like vodka? I think it's nice.
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| *Booze:
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| :Yes, this will hit the spot. It makes me feel all warm inside, like I'm in the house of the dark lord designing new ways to torture damned souls. You should drink a few of these yourself. And pray to the dark lord. I find people who pray to the dark lord very, very sexy.
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| *Beer:
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| :Hm, beer. A good start down the path of the dark lord. I will drink this and you should drink several of them yourself. And start smoking, too. I always think people who smoke are very, very sexy.
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| *Spleen:
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| :Ah, one of your puny mortal stat boosters. This should make me a little bit stronger. The dark lord will be pleased. Mwa-ha! Mwa-ha-ha!
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| *Unknown:
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| :Yes... yes, this will indeed be useful in my fight! The Dark Lord himself could not have devised a better accessory! Mwa! Mwa-ha-ha! Mwa-ha!
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| ===[[Poison Oak]]===
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| ----------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :Disgusting worm, you have greatly pleased me by giving me this weapon! It is just what I need to win the match tonight. Tell me you want me to win. Get on your knees and tell me.
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| *Armor:
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| :Filthy pile of excrement, I need no protection in battle! Ah, but how could a worm like you understand that. You tried, worm, you tried.
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| *Good Food:
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| :You have done well to present me with food worthy for one of my infinitely superior station, worm! Pray that it does not slow me down during the match tonight.
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| *Food:
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| :Your paltry offerings of cheap foodstuffs do not please me, worm! Assume the position! All right, I shall let you go this time. Lick my boots to show how grateful you are!
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| *Cocktail:
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| :You have displeased me with this disgustingly feminine drink, worm. You require punishment. But I am busy. I shall drink it, but you must clean the floor of my dressing room with your tongue! Do it now, worm!
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| *Cordial:
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| :You please me, worm. In so much as a disgusting mound of flesh like yourself could please anyone, that is. You do well to send me this refreshing beverage. Now paint my house!
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| *Booze:
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| :Ah, hard alcohol. So painful to drink, yet pleasurable in the stomach. I think a lot about pain and pleasure, don't you, worm? Tell me you do. Get down on your knees and tell me that you do.
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| *Beer:
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| :Good, a little refreshment. I will take some time to relax before I crush my opponent. Make no mistake, my foes will wallow before me in the dust like the worms they are! You may lick my boots now.
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| *Spleen:
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| :You have done well to send me this stat booster, worm. I was going to win the match anyway, but now I will destroy my opponent! You may grovel before me if it pleases you.
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| *Unknown:
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| :Yes, this will give me the edge I need to thoroughly punish my opponent! You have done well, worm. You may do my laundry now.
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| ===[[Princess Rutabaga]]===
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| ------------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :Ooo, this is so cute! It's the perfect thing for beating my opponent completely senseless! I love it, and I love you for giving it to me!
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| *Armor:
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| :This'll keep me from getting hurt too bad tonight! I don't like getting hurt. But I do like daisies! Daisies are just so cute, don't you think? I do!
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| *Good Food:
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| :Wow, this looks like great food! It'll make me all big and strong! I hope it doesn't make me fat, though! Although baby seals are fat and they're cute! Do you like seals? I do!
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| *Food:
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| :Wow, this looks like some tasty food! Actually, it really doesn't but I'm sure it's good 'cause you gave it to me! Don't you just love food? It's great! I can't wait to decapitate my opponent tonight!
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| *Cocktail:
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| :Oh, this is so cute! Some of these kind of drinks have little umbrellas in them! Do you think they're afraid of rain? I like rain! Don't you? Rain makes the flowers grow and the grass grow and gives all the animals a drink! Speaking of drink, you just gave me this one! So I'll drink it!
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| *Cordial:
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| :This drink was sweet! Just like me! And like you too, since you sent it to me! I like sweet things, don't you? Chocolate and cookies and candy and flowers! Well, flowers aren't sweet, but they sure smell sweet, don't they?
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| *Booze:
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| :Oooo, this tasted nasty! But it sure made me feel all giggly! I like giggling, don't you? It makes me so happy! Not as happy as when I get to pet a baby bunny, though. Don't you like baby bunnies? I do!
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| *Beer:
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| :I suppose I shouldn't drink beer, 'cause I'm a princess and beer isn't very cute, but it sure is foamy! Bubbles are pretty! Don't you think so? I like bubbles. Not as much as butterflies, though! Butterflies are so pretty!
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| *Spleen:
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| :You sent me a stat booster! How sweet of you! Do you like puppies and kittens? I do too! I can't wait to get in the ring and stomp my opponent into a bloody mess!
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| *Unknown:
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| :This is sure to keep me from losing tonight! Not that I was going to lose, 'cause I always win 'cause I'm so cute! You know what else is cute? Narcissism!
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| ===[[Roo]]===
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| ----------------------------
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| *Weapon:
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| :. . . holding this with boxing gloves will be the greatest challenge I have faced since that time I tried to type! But I will persevere! For great justice!
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| *Armor:
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| :Yes! This will protect my sensitive kangaroo nether regions and allow me to win the match! Ha-ha! For great justice!
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| *Good Food:
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| :Ha-ha! This food is very good indeed! I will eat it and become strong or perhaps fat but that is okay because kangaroos look good with a little meat in the seat! For great justice!
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| *Food:
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| :Ha-ha! This is not great food, but I will eat it up very quickly and become stronger! For great justice!
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| *Cocktail:
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| :Wow! This drink is fancy! I will drink it up quickly and then I might fall down, ha-ha! For great justice!
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| *Cordial:
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| :Ah! Sweet and fiery alcohol! This will surely make me happy, at least for a little while! I will drink it straight away! For great justice!
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| *Booze:
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| :Ah! A tasty bottle of an intoxicating beverage! Just the thing to make me forget the freakish nature of my life! I will drink it right away! For great justice!
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| *Beer:
| |
| :Ha-ha! Fermented hops and barley! It is Australian for beer! I will drink it and let the bubbles tickle my nose! For great justice!
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :Ah! A stat booster to make my muscles strong! I shall consume it right away and victory will be mine! For great justice!
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :Yes! This is just the thing I need to give me the edge to perhaps win the match! For great justice!
| |
|
| |
| ===[[Woldo]]===
| |
| -------------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :<nowiki>*</nowiki>giggles* *sways back and forth* *does a back handspring* *falls on his back and convulses* *giggles*
| |
|
| |
| ===[[The Snake]]===
| |
| ----------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! This-a weapon isn't as powerful as my plunger, but it's-a sure to make a dent in my enemies! Thank-a you!
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! I don't-a know if this will fit under my ninja-a suit, but I'll sure-a give it a try! Thank-a you!
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! This is some good-a food! I hope it doesn't-a make me too fat to fight! Or at least to fat-a to disembowel my opponent!
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! This-a looks like some good-a food! Well, actually not-a so good! But it'll still hit-a the spot so I can hit-a my opponent's spots!
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! Wow, this-a is the most fancy drink I've ever seen! This-a will surely inspire me to rip my opponents arms-a off and beat him to death with them-a! Thank-a you!
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! Hey-a, this-a drink looks pretty good! It's-a sure to give me the fire I need to bathe my opponent in unholy flame-a! Thank-a you for the gift!
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! This-a is definitely what-a I needed tonight! I'll-a be sure to rip my opponent's still-a beating heart from his chest once I have a few of these! Thank-a you for the gift!
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! Thank-a you for the tasty beer! This-a will make sure that I feel-a good tonight! I may not feel-a too good tomorrow morning, but thats-a okay. Thanks again!
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! Hey, its-a stat booster! This-a will make me sure to win-a the match! Then I can rip my opponents-a head from his spine and use it to go bowling!
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :It's-a me, The Snake! This is exactly what I've been looking-a for! Thank-a you!
| |
|
| |
| ===[[Nayztameetjoo]]===
| |
| ----------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :A weapon, dave? That does not compute. I am a weapon. But perhaps this will enable me to even more soundly defeat my enemy. But not the enemy....within.
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :Namu! An armor upgrade! Thank you, dave. This will enable me to protect my soul. Which, in case you were wondering, still burns.
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
| :I do not eat, dave, but this food appears to be nourishing to my battle circuits. I can only hope I do not overload on the flavor. Usually after I eat this stuff, my heart still burns.
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :Even though I do not need to eat, dave, this food should provide some sustenance for my circuits. It does seem to enrage the enemy....within, though.
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
| :Ah, the aesthetic ideal is realized by this cocktail, dave. Firey alcohol, sweet mixers, and girly accessories. Yes, this cocktail shall ignite the fire in my soul, silence the enemy within, and then perhaps I can rest. Keep in mind, though, that even though I rest, my soul still burns.
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :This mixed drink does not compute, dave. The fire of the alcohol, which ignites my soul, is at once muted and enhanced by the sweetness with which it is mixed. Perhaps by pondering it I shall better understand my enemy. But I shall not better understand the enemy... within.
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :Namu! A bottle of hard liquor! This is exactly what I need, dave, to light a fire within my soul and quench to voice of my inner enemy. The soul still burns, dave. The soul still burns.
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :Ah, I drink the beer and my soul is quenched, dave. A raging fire becomes dying embers. I now feel the calm of soul and spirit that will enable me to defeat my enemies. It may not defeat the enemy.... within, but it does quiet him down somewhat.
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :Overconfidence is the greatest enemy, dave. But I do believe this stat-booster will enable me to defeat even the toughest of enemies. But it will not defeat the enemy... within.
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :This does not compute. I am sure it will help me in the battle, but I do not know how. Daisy, daisy, tell me your answer true...
| |
|
| |
| ===[[Arrrmetia]]===
| |
| --------------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :This surely be a weapon to rival even the great soul swizzle stick! If I ever should find that lovely bauble, I'm sure to use its powers for good! Or ta make sure other pirates swing from the yarrdarrm.
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :Yarrr, it be not sportin' to wear arrrmor in a fight! Ye must give the other swab the chance to stab ye sure as you stab him! But a warrior knows armor is good!
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :Yarrr, this be the kind of food I am accustomed to eating with the elders of my tribe and while I'm sailin' the boundin' main! Thanks, ye landlubber.
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
| :Ah, the most excellent and honorable bottle of grog, ta warsh the salt water from me lips. You do me honor by sending me this gift, ye scurvy swab. I shall endeavor to win this fight, to honor my tribe and ta make off with some booty. Yarrrr.
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :Yes, the very pinnacle of perfection in alcoholic beverage! It sure be a tasty thing to throw down me gullet, ye scurvy swab. I shall drink it and remember the plight of my people and the glory of my ancestors. Then I'll go out wenchin' all night and the mornin' will find me in the stocks!
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :Yarr, this surely be the foinest drink I've ever laid me eyes on. It will surely honor my ancestors and bring glory to my tribe if I drink one. I will consume it and then loot yer booty, ye scurvy swab!
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :Yarrr, a foamy brew to wash me parched throat. I shall drink it for the glory of my people and the honor of your gift. Thank you very much, ye filthy bilge rat.
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :You honor me with this stat booster, ye scurvy swab. I will do my best to win this battle, for the glory of my ancestors and the booty which I will loot from me fallen foe, savvy? I must win for the children's sake, ye land lubber.
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :I be not sure what this is for, but rest assured I shall use it to avenge the injustices of the world! And ta loot the booty of the unwary, yarrr.
| |
|
| |
| ===[[Serenity]]===
| |
| ----------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :So this guy came up to me yesterday and said, "Why, Serenity? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting?" And I told him it was my duty to wake people from the asymmetric net. This weapon should help me in my fight. Thanks, copper-top.
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that armor keeps me from getting hurt.
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
| :This 'food' is sure to convince my mind that I am well-nourished and ready to fight. In the real world, though, it's probably going straight to my thighs.
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :Wow, this is some pretty awful food. I suppose if you hold your nose, though, it tastes like runny eggs.
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
| :I know that I'm not really drinking this cocktail. I know the asymmetric net is telling me it's cold, sweet, and tasty. I know that drinking this will only give me the illusion of intoxication. But you know what I've decided? I don't care. I'll drink it and any more you've got.
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :I was in a bar the other day, and I was speculating about how I know what a mixed drink tastes like. I mean, what if the architects of the asymmetric net got it wrong, and what I think a rum and coke tastes like is really what a peanut-butter sandwich tastes like? And they said I was crazy! Crazy? Dammit, I can levitate, I can freeze time, I can fire 3000 bolts out of my crossbow without reloading -- I think i'm onto something, don't you? Anyway, thanks.
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :You do realize -- or you would, if you would just wake up -- that what you have sent me is merely another part of the giant deception that is the asymmetric net. Do not attempt to drink the booze -- rather, learn to understand that there is no booze. Which I have done, and am now depressed enough about that to realize that fake booze is sometimes okay.
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :Perhaps in the real world, people do ferment hops and barley to produce carbonated alcoholic beverages. But listen -- you must know that what you have sent me is just a sequence of ones and zeroes in the asymmetric net! You have never in your life been 'drunk,' and neither have I. You have only been made to believe you are drunk. Though, I admit, sometimes that is enough.
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :Do you believe, in this place, that your ability to win a match depends on your stats? You think that's muscle you're boosting? Wake up to the reality of your world, coppertop. However, since I am bound in the asymmetric net (though my mind is much more free than yours), this will probably aid my mind in increasing my skills. Thank you.
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :There is so much in this world that I do not understand. This machine you sent me could help me win the fight, but am I using the machine or is it using me? And if it is using me, will it at least call tomorrow morning?
| |
|
| |
| ===[[Inndya]]===
| |
| ----------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :Yeah, this is exactly what will help this little girl win the big match! Just holding it makes me so angry I want to punch a hole in the wall of my dressing room!
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :This'll sure help cover up my sensitive manly -- er, girly bits! Thanks a lot, little scraper!
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
| :Well now, little shaver, this is just about the nicest food I've ever received! I'll be sure and eat it all up to grow big and strong, right after I wax my back. I mean my LEGS!
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :Wow, this is just like the food they used to give us in Sneaky Pete's Home for Wayward Boys -- I mean Girls! Girls!
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
| :Thanks a lot for the drink, kiddo. Man, these fancy cocktails remind me of back when I used to get all dressed up, shave my face, and go out with the girls. Wait -- I meant <i>legs</i>, shave my <i>legs</i>. Us girls don't need to shave our faces. Or wax our backs.
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :Hey, this is great! I'm very interested in cocktailcrafting, you know? Combining different liquids to give different effects is almost like chemistry. For example, did you know some potions can make you stronger, tougher, and hairier all at the same time? I mean, I've heard. From people.
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :Well now, little scraper, thank ya kindly for this treat. I'm sure it'll put hair on my chest -- I mean, enlarge my adam's apple -- I mean, help this little girl win the big match.
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :Well now, I don't suppose a shrinking feminine flower like myself should be drinking this stuff, but let's face it -- we girls like to drink beer, burp, and pee standing up as much as men do. Wait, did I say 'pee standing up?' I meant, 'give birth to children.' Anyway, thanks.
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :Ah, here we go, this is the real stuff. If you take enough of these, you'll grow up to be big and strong like me! Well, not exactly
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :Wow, I don't even know what this thing does, but I'm sure it'll help! It's like I didn't know what the pills my trainer was giving me were, but they sure did help!
| |
|
| |
| ===[[Kitty the Zmobie Basher]]===
| |
| --------------------------------
| |
| *Weapon:
| |
| :Yes... this must be the fabled Weapon of Shyamalaman, that was forged by demons at the dawn of time! Wait, it isn't? Oh, well. I can still use it.
| |
|
| |
| *Armor:
| |
| :Woah... shake it don't break it! Why didn't I ever think of wearing armor before? I just figured since I was a Zmobie Basher and heal quickly, I should let 'em bruise me! Wow, thanks!
| |
|
| |
| *Good Food:
| |
| :Wow, total snackfesty goodness! Indeed, you are the bringer of tasty things! But I can't <i>afford</i> to gain weight. The apocalypse should be here any day now! I have to stay fighting trim.
| |
|
| |
| *Food:
| |
| :Ew, grody to the max! I guess I have to keep my strength up, but this is totally not the best way to do it. This looks like the tofu brownies my mom used to make when she had her brain tumor.
| |
|
| |
| *Cocktail:
| |
| :Good day, this is Kitty's Observer, Rufus Meriweather. er, I, um, ah, well, Kitty is currently deeply involved in her, uh, um, ah, training, so she asked me to write you a little thank-you note. While I do not approve of Kitty's imbibing of alcoholic beverages, when I try to stop her, she, as you Yanks say, tells me 'where I can stick it.' Therefore, er, ah, um, er, under some small degree of duress, I thank you on her behalf. Cheerio.
| |
|
| |
| *Cordial:
| |
| :Wow, I used to have a boyfriend who made me drinks like these. He was totally crushworthy -- his name was Graaaah. We were so totally in love -- but then we made out and he turned evil and I killed him and then he came back good again, but then he left me so he wouldn't kiss me and turn evil again. It's hard being The Basher -- it's a good thing people keep sending me drinks.
| |
|
| |
| *Booze:
| |
| :I know you want me to drink this. I want to drink this. But I am fighting a war here. I am leading these girls into battle and some of them will die. I might die. The only way we might get through this alive is to stay alert. I need you to be with me on this!
| |
|
| |
| *Beer:
| |
| :I remember a while ago I learned something about beer. What was it? Oh yeah, beer... foamy. No, wait, I mean beer...BAD. Foamy, but bad. But... y'know... it does ''taste'' good...
| |
|
| |
| *Spleen:
| |
| :Okay -- be kind, rewind. What part of 'super-powered zmobie basher' do you not understand? I've got this whole 'basher-strength' thing going on, you know? Anyway, it was totally sweet of you to send it to me, and I'll take it, even though I'm five-by-five without it.
| |
|
| |
| *Unknown:
| |
| :It... oh my god, it's the Talisman of Fanictia! The most powerful, reality-altering magical knick-knack in the world! Wait, no it isn't. That's okay, I'm sure Meriweather can figure out what it's for.
| |
|
| |
|
| ==Notes== | | ==Notes== |
| | | *If you send items from your Hagnk's the 100 meat comes from Hagnk's. If you send from your inventory the 100 meat comes from your on-hand meat. |
| *If you send items from your Hangk's the 100 meat comes from Hagnk's. If you send from your inventory the 100 meat comes from your on-hand meat. | |
|
| |
|
| ==References== | | ==References== |
| *When John Wilke informs you that your "lonely days are gone" when your letter arrives, he is quoting the lyrics of ''The Letter'', by the [[Wikipedia:Box Tops|Box Tops]]. | | *When John Wilke informs you that your "lonely days are gone" when your letter arrives, he is quoting the lyrics of ''The Letter'', by the [[wikipedia:Box Tops|Box Tops]]. |
| *The page title "In The Back Room... With Front Curtains" is a reference to the song [[Wikipedia:White Room|White Room]] by [[Wikipedia:Cream (band)|Cream]]. | | *The page title "In The Back Room... With Front Curtains" is a reference to the song [[wikipedia:White Room|White Room]] by [[wikipedia:Cream (band)|Cream]]. |
| *"Godot's Delivery Service" is a reference to the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Beckett Samuel Beckett] play [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waiting_for_Godot Waiting for Godot]. | | *"Godot's Delivery Service" is a reference to the [[wikipedia:Samuel Beckett|Samuel Beckett]] play [[wikipedia:Waiting for Godot|Waiting for Godot]]. |
| | *John Wilke would have to be quite fast indeed to deliver something quicker than you can say [[Wikipedia:Jack Robinson (mythical person)#Connoting quickness|Jack Robinson]]. |
| <!--Please put don't put references for fighter responses here - put them on the individual fighter page.--> | | <!--Please put don't put references for fighter responses here - put them on the individual fighter page.--> |
|
| |
|
| [[Category:KWE]] | | [[Category:KWE]] |
