Normal hobo

Normal hobo
Monster ID	651
Locations	Hobopolis Town Square
Hit Points	400
Attack	300
Defense	270
No-Hit	310
Initiative	100
Meat	None
Phylum	hobo
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops	'WILL WORK FOR BOOZE' sign, corncob pipe, cup of infinite pencils, frayed rope belt, hobo nickel, lucky bottlecap, Mr. Joe's bangles, panhandle panhandling hat, rusty piece of rebar
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Jonsey O'Kelly

What we have here is your typical example of hobo sapiens, identifiable by his scruffy beard, bent top-hat with the top opened like a tin can, and the fact that he's trying to mug you with a length of old two-by-four.

or

You slip on a banana peel and flail wildly to keep your balance, reflecting on how much funnier that gag is when it's happening to somebody else. Your ungainly flailing knocks over a stick with a polka-dot handkerchief tied to it. "Hey!" a nearby hobo shouts. "You knocked over my bindle!"

"Your what?" you ask.

"Tin roof -- rusted!" he shouts back. Apparently, that's hobo slang for "don't touch my stuff, or I'll beat you senseless."

or

You stop to listen to a hobo playing a soulful old blues tune on a battered tin harmonica. He's pretty good, though the chorus, in which he tries to beat you up and take your wallet, leaves a little something to be desired.

or

"Hey, buddy," says a nearby hobo. "Would ya like to hear an amusing tale about the time Boxcar Jimmy and I were chased by railroad bulls all the way from Topeka to Missoula?"

"Er, no. No thanks," you reply.

"How about the time I got caught stealin' a pie off a windowsill and had to hide in a trash can, and I fell asleep and woke up in the city dump?"

"Sounds like a great story, but no."

"How about the time I beat an adventurer senseless with a rusty tire iron and stole [his/her] boots?"

"No thank you... what's that you're holding behind your back?"

or

A hobo emerges from a cardboard lean-to and approaches you, doffing his tattered top hat. "Would ye have any spare meat?" he asks. You shake your head and start to walk away. "Well, in that case," he says, "do ye have any meat that a fellow might, say, beat you up and try to steal?"

Hit Message(s):

He pokes you with a rusty bottle opener. Ow! Who ever heard of a rusty bottle? Ow! Ooh! Ouch!

He finds a tire iron in the alley and tries to loosen your lug nuts. By the time he figures out you don't have any lug nuts, the damage has been done. Argh! Oof! Ouch!

He plunks out a tune on a cigar-box banjo. When you fail to applaud, he breaks it over your head. Ooh! Eek! Argh!

He hits you with his bindle. Looks like he's tired of bindling up his rage. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

He shoves his harmonica where the sun don't shine. Then he pulls it out of the shady nook he found and buries it in your skull. Eek! Ouch! Ugh!

He boils a shoe for his dinner and insists you have a bite. You chip your tooth on an aglet. Ouch! Ooh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He picks up a trash can and does an impromptu musical performance with it. The hollow gonging sound the trash can makes as it bounces off your head is amazingly rich and resonant. Ooh! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to poke you with a bottle opener, but you point out that you're a twist-off.

He swings a tire iron at you, but you're tired of fighting and tell him you want to iron out your differences.

He takes a minute to plunk out a tune on a cigar-box banjo. He's actually pretty good.

He tries to hit you with his bindle, but catches it on a spindle.

He tries to shove his harmonica where the sun don't shine, but you insist that all of your orifices get adequate sun exposure.

He pauses to boil a shoe for his dinner. How comically tragic!

Fumble Message:

He stops attacking to mark some hobo runes on a nearby wall. As far as you can tell, he's writing a coded, detailed account of the fight you two are having. Wow, a hobo blogger. Hobogger? (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):

He beans you on the head with a railroad spike, then eats some beans and goes to the head.

He beats you about the head and neck with his bindle. There are a lot of objects in there, and several of them are really sharp!

He clenches a fist made rock-hard through years of migratory labor, and thumps you on the head with it.

He gives you an open-palm smack on the face. His calloused hands scratch your sensitive flesh.

He kicks you with his hobnailed boots. The multi-colored mirrors lacerate your flesh.

He knees you in the primary sexual characteristics. Ow!

He picks up a rock, looks at it while muttering something inaudible, then throws it at you.

He pulls a beer can out of his bindle and throws it at you. Turns out it was full!

He says "say 'rock,'" and headbutts you.

He throws an elbow at you. His elbow. It catches you in the <kidney>.

---

After Combat

You acquire an item: 'WILL WORK FOR BOOZE' sign (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: corncob pipe (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: cup of infinite pencils (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: frayed rope belt (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: hobo nickel (15% chance)*

You acquire an item: lucky bottlecap (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mr. Joe's bangles (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: panhandle panhandling hat (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: rusty piece of rebar (.1% chance)*

You gain 75 <substat>.

---

Occurs at Hobopolis Town Square.

Notes

• Special attacks do more damage than regular attacks, appear to hit regardless of moxie, do not trigger saucespheres or retributive equipment effects, and are not followed by the typical sound effects.
• If a Normal Hobo takes over monster_max_HP+100 damage of a single type, it will leave behind different hobo bits, which Richard collects for scarehobos. Killing hobos this way, however, will cause them to drop no items.
  • The amount of damage needed to overkill depends on the hobo's max HP, which is affected by monster level modifiers.
  • The total damage from at least one type (either physical or one of the five elements) must exceed the monster's HP by more than (or equal to?) 100.
  • If you overkill with both physical and elemental damage to a hobo, the elemental body part will always drop over the skin.

• Hobos overkilled by physical damage:

Man, you really hit that hobo hard! So hard, in fact, that you knocked him completely out of his skin, which is now lying in a wrinkly heap on the ground.

Richard pops his head out of a nearby steam tunnel entrance, says "Hey, good, I've been looking for one of these," grabs the skin, and heads back down into the tunnels.

• Hobos overkilled by hot damage:

Boy, you sure scorched that hobo good! All that's left is a smoking pair of boots!

Richard emerges from a nearby steam tunnel entrance, winks at you, grabs the boots, and disappears again.

• Hobos overkilled by cold damage:

Wow! You froze that hobo so hard that he shattered into a million pieces! All that's left is a pair of frozen eyeballs.

Richard pops out of a nearby steam tunnel hatch and grabs the eyes. "Lookin' good, kid!" he says with a wink, as he ducks back down the hatch.

• Hobos overkilled by stench damage:

Man, you really did a number on that hobo. All that's left of him is a pile of foul-smelling guts.

Richard emerges from a nearby steam hatch and scoops the guts up into a bag. "These smell pretty awful, but I'm sure I can find some use for 'em." he says, as he disappears back down into the tunnels.

• Hobos overkilled by spooky damage:

Boy, you sure scared that hobo! He ran off so fast that he left his skull behind!

Richard emerges from a nearby steam hatch and retrieves the skull. "This'll come in handy!" he says, as he heads back down into the tunnels.

• Hobos overkilled by sleaze damage:

Wow. You embarrassed that hobo so thoroughly that he ran off without his crotch!

Richard emerges from a nearby steam tunnel hatch and gingerly retrieves the crotch with a pair of tongs. "Nice work, kid!" he says as he descends back down through the hatch.

• The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected. Counterintuitively, the items they drop do not seem to be influenced by the image. (For example, the Cup of infinite pencils can drop from a hobo whose image isn't holding a cup of pencils.)
  • Names follow the pattern of: Normal Title + First Name + Normal Nickname + Last Name + Normal Occupation
  • Images are randomly any of the following:

• This monster cannot be wished for.

References

• "You're what?" and "Tin roof -- rusted!" are spoken lines from the B-52's song "Love Shack".
• "He says "say 'rock,'" and headbutts you." is a reference to musician Wesley Willis.
• "Happiness Is a Warm Gun" by The Beatles is referenced by the message "He kicks you with his hobnailed boots. The multi-colored mirrors lacerate your flesh."
• "He pauses to boil a shoe for his dinner" is a reference to a well-known scene from Charlie Chaplin's movie, The Gold Rush.
• An aglet, mentioned in the same hit message as above, is the little plastic tube on the ends of shoelaces.