Spaghetti Elemental (Inner Sanctum)

Spaghetti Elemental
Monster ID	23
Locations	Inner Sanctum (for Pastamancers)
Hit Points	30
Attack	27
Defense	24
No-Hit	37
Initiative	60
Meat	28-42
Phylum	elemental
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, noodle
Drops	Colander of Em-er'il
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Spaghetti Elemental

You step into the Inner Sanctum, and are confronted by a monster composed of the essence of spaghetti. Some would think that would be wheat flour, but they'd be wrong. We're talking the spiritual essence of spaghetti, not its physical essence. Its spiritual essence is the flour of pure malevolence. For some reason.

Spaghetti elementals are not uncommon -- small, unintelligent ones are sometimes summoned as training opponents, and some brave (and foolhardy) Pastamancers have been known to attempt to tame them as pets -- but this is the largest and most malicious one you've ever seen, or indeed ever even heard of. It's no small wonder that the deranged cultists have been worshiping it as a god.

It howls, enraged, and swoops at you with its noodly appendages flailing.

Hit Message(s):

It entangles you in its slimy noodles and chows down on your <elbow>. Ouch! Ugh!

It flings itself at you, burying you in a mass of slimy noodles. Ouch! Ouch!

It touches you with its noodly appendage. It's a bad touch. Ow! Ouch!

It whips you with its noodles, which are painfully al dente. Ouch! Ow!

It serves you up a nice spaghetti breakfast. Sounds good, but hurts like a mother. Ooh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

It releases a barrage of steaming-hot meatballs at you. You're bowled over by the balls. Ugh! Eek! (hot damage)

Miss Message(s):

It tries to entangle you in its slimy noodles, but you slip away.

It flings itself at you, but sticks to the wall next to you. Looks like it's done.

It tries to touch you with its noodly appendage, but you're untouchable.

It tries to whip you with its wet noodles, but you don't really notice.

It tries to serve you up a nice spaghetti breakfast, but you're having none of that.

Fumble Message:

It releases a barrage of steaming-hot meatballs at you, but you've learned a blocking technique for balls from your friend Mr. T. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

• Upon being defeated:

As your final blow strikes the fiend, it reels back, roaring.

"Your days are numbered, mortal! I and my legions of followers will destroy all who meddle in the noodly arts!"

"Blow it out your cannelloni, aberration. Your cultists are scrubs, and you're barely al dente yourself."

"Mock while you can, mortal! I shall return!"

And, having got in the last word, it flies away. Jerk.

Oh hey, what's this?

You gain 28-42 Meat (average: 35, stdev: 3.24)*

You acquire an item: Colander of Em-er'il (100% chance)*

You gain 3 <substat>.

---

Occurs at The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave as the Pastamancer nemesis.

Notes

• Once you have defeated the Elemental, this adventure will no longer reoccur (becomes a one time adventure).
• Before the Nemesis quest revamp, the monster description read as follows:
  • This is a monster composed of the essence of spaghetti. Some would think that would be wheat flour, but they'd be wrong. We're talking the spiritual essence of spaghetti, not its physical essence. Its spiritual essence is the flour of pure malevolence. For some reason.
• This monster cannot be copied.

References

• The references to "noodly appendages" and the "steaming-hot meatballs" critical hit line refer to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, an organization which parodies Creationists (especially relating to Creationists' desire to have their view taught in public schools).
• Spaghetti breakfast is a slang term for tentacle rape, a sub-genre of Japanese hentai.
• Throwing noodles at a wall is a time-honored technique to determine if said noodles are done. Sticking to the wall is, sadly, an indication of overdoneness.
• The "ball blocking technique" refers to a very early Internet meme which was called ate my balls and predominantly featured Mr T.