The Swagger Shop

Swagger Jack runs The Swagger Shop in Huggler Memorial Colosseum. It is also known as Jack's Swagger Shack.

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Swagger Jack "Howdy, pard. If you've got the swagger, we've got the swag."

Items Sold

Huggler Radio	Buy (50 swagger)
insulting hat	Buy (1,000 swagger)
offensive moustache	Buy (2,000 swagger)
How to Hold a Grudge	Buy (3,000 swagger)
fettucini épines Inconnu recipe	Buy (5,000 swagger)
slap and slap again recipe	Buy (5,000 swagger)
cursed microwave	Buy (10,000 swagger)
cursed pony keg	Buy (10,000 swagger)
hairshirt	Buy (2,000 swagger)
How to Tolerate Jerks	Buy (2,000 swagger)
puppet strings	Buy (100 swagger)
bagged stuffed "L"	Buy (500 swagger)
stuffed club	Buy (500 swagger)
Black Bart's Booty	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during a pirate season to purchase this item.
Holiday Hal's Happy-Time Fun Book!	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during a holiday season to purchase this item.
Antagonistic Snowman Kit	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during an ice season to purchase this item.
Map to Kokomo	Buy (1,234 swagger)
You must earn 1,234 swagger during a drunken season to purchase this item.
Essence of Bear	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during bear season to purchase this item.
Manual of Numberology	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during a numeric season to purchase this item.
ROM of Optimality	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during an optimal season to purchase this item.
School of Hard Knocks Diploma	Buy (1,000 swagger)
You must earn 1,000 swagger during a school season to purchase this item. (You probably don't ever want more than 11 of these.)
A Guide to Safari	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during a safari season to purchase this item.
[glitch season reward name]	Buy (-Y,000 swagger)
You must earn -Y,000 swagger during a glitch season to purchase this item.
Law of Averages	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during an average season to purchase this item.
Universal Seasoning	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during a Seasoning to purchase this item.
Book of Irony	Buy (Y,000 swagger)
You must earn Y,000 swagger during an ironic season to purchase this item.
Essence of Annoyance	Buy (X,000 swagger)

You have A swagger. You've earned B swagger during a pirate season, yarrr. You've earned C swagger during a holiday season, fun! You've earned D swagger during an ice season, brrrr! You've earned E swagger during a drunken season! You've earned F swagger during bear season! You've earned G swagger during a numeric season! You've earned H swagger during an optimal season. You've earned I swagger during a school season! You've earned J swagger during a safari season! You've earned -K swagger during a glitch season. You've earned -L swagger during an average season. You've earned M swagger during a Seasoning! You've earned N swagger during an ironic season!

Notes

• On your first visit, if your character pre-dates the April 30, 2012 PvP update:

  In honor of your dedication and skill during the long PvP Pre-season, the judges have awarded you a bonus!*:
  You gain some swagger (+X)

  • The amount of pre-season swagger awarded is (pretty flowers picked / 25) + (White Canadians consumed / 2.5), rounded down.
• When you purchase something:

You trade some of your swagger for a slick new item!

You acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

• If you can't afford something:

You can't afford that! And don't think you can steal it either!

• If you try to buy something that isn't for sale:

That's not an item you can buy. Sociopath.

• The price of the Essence of Annoyance increases each time you buy one. The first costs 5,000 swagger; the second, 11,000 swagger; the third, 18,000 swagger; and so on. You will be unable to purchase another until you use the one you have.
• You can buy the Huggler Radio, Black Bart's Booty, Holiday Hal's Happy-Time Fun Book!, the Antagonistic Snowman Kit, Essence of Bear and the Manual of Numberology even if you are in Ronin or Hardcore.
• You cannot spend swagger on other items while in Ronin. Swagger Jack informs you so:

The Obligations of Ronin prevent you from turning in your swagger right now.

• Or in Hardcore:

The Tenets of Hardcore prevent you from turning in your swagger right now.

• During special seasons, Swagger Jack has a different introduction (and sometimes, a different name). A special item is available for purchase only during that season, and you must acquire its entire purchase price in any season of that type in order to purchase it. The special swagger you've earned for that season only is displayed below your current total swagger.
• Attempting to purchase a special season item without enough special swagger results in this message:

  You must earn at least X swagger during <a(n)> <type> season to purchase this item.

• If you have enough swagger to purchase more than one School of Hard Knocks Diploma, this message appears:

  (You probably don't ever want more than 11 of these.)

• During a pirate season, Swagger Jack's costume and introduction differ:

Swagger Jack "Ahoy, mate. If you be having the swagger, we be having the swag."

• During a holiday season, Swagger Jack is on vacation:

Holiday Hal "Happy Holidays! Jack's on vacation, but if you have swagger, spend it here to increase your Holiday Fun!"

• During an ice season, Swagger Jack is being helped out by a helpful snowflake:

Flakey, the Helpful Snowflake "It looks like you're trying to spend some swagger..."

• During a drunken season, Swagger Jack is unable to operate the shack:

Bart Ender "Jack doesn't have his liquor license, so I'm helping out this season. What'll it be, buddy?"

• During a numeric season, the Spirit of Paul Erdős is operating the shack:

Spirit of Paul Erdős "I may not be with you physically, but let's collaborate on some purchases. Just make sure and credit me when you publish." (Huh, where's Jack?)

• During an optimal season, Jack is replaced with a more optimal host:

PvP Calcutron 3000 "Greetings contestant, Jack is... indisposed. Insert swagger, receive output."

• During a school season, Jack is suspended from the shack:

Principal Mooney "Swagger Jack is suspended, so I'm here to make sure you all follow the rules and stand in line."

• During a safari season, Jack is off poaching:

Sir Nigel "Are you ready for a smashing time on safari? You hunt each other and I'll film it all!"

• During an ironic season, life snuck up on Jack:

Glen Ballard "Pick something out and I'll produce it. Get it, produce? Don't be afraid to move those small statues if they're blocking your view of the inventory, you oughta know that I have enough of them."

• Jack seems to operate the shack as normal during bear season.

History

• On August 07, 2013, puppet strings were temporarily removed from the swagger shop, presumably due to Hinch. When they returned, the price rose from 100 swagger to 101 swagger (and continued to rise for a while). CDMoyer said the price would go up by 1 every hour. This didn't happen for the first few hours, which made it seem as if it wasn't working, but then a few hours later it rose as predicted.

  [pvp] CDMoyer: Puppet strings are going up 1 swagger in price every hour until you collectively disavow hinch.

• The puppet string price was restored to normal (100 swagger) on ??.
• Holiday Hal's Happy-Time Fun Book! could not be purchased in Hardcore or Ronin until November 11, 2014.
• Flakey's Antagonistic Snowman Kit could not be purchased in Hardcore or Ronin until January 21, 2015.
• Before March 21, 2015, Bart Ender's name was "Bart Enter".

References

• To swagger jack someone is to copy their style or ideas.
• Swagger Jack may also refer to the WWE wrestler Jack Swagger.
• Flakey, the Helpful Snowflake, is a reference to Clippy, the much-maligned Microsoft Office Assistant.
• Collaborating with Paul Erdős would put you among a crowd of over 500 other mathematicians with an Erdős number of 1.
• PvP Calcutron 3000 looks just like Tom Servo from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

See Also

• PvP