Pen Pal Messages

This page is in need of content. More letters. Also, some stories have parts that change, such as numbers, nouns and names.

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There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required. Do you have to log in to get a letter?

After using My Own Pen Pal kit, you will be assigned a Pen Pal, who will write you every day and send you a free item.

The message "New message received from Your Pen Pal." will be found in your recent events log. You will get a letter from your Pen Pal immediately when using My Own Pen Pal kit, once per day (only when you log in?), and when you ascend.

Format

The message is formatted in the following way:

Dear <playername>:

Greeting Phrase

Fun Story

Fun Story

Item-Giving Story

Parting Phrase

Your pen pal,
<alliterative name>

Greeting Phrases

• Arr, Matey. (That's how I'd say hi if I were a pirate.)
• I hope that your son is as strong as a mighty oak. (I thought it would be funny to say that.)
• I hope your throat has been freshly washed. (That's how my cousin says I should start letters. Only he calls 'em "correspondence" cause he's a lawyer.)
• I trust your brother is in good health. (I learned that in school!)
• How's it going?
• Heyo!
• Howdy, Pardner!

Fun Stories

• I heard that all the cool kids over there are braiding bottlecaps. I think it sounds a little delicious, but maybe I'll give it a try.
• My dad went a little crazy last night and painted my whole room amber. And I mean the *whole* room. So now my sheets are all stiff and everything smells like wet paint. Do you know how to get paint off of a video game? I'm seriously jonesing without my Evil Galaxy 15 -- I mean, I just unlocked the variant Topaz Mount before all this happened!
• I just got a new pet banana slug! I named it Stinky. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and rake him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.
• The other day, me and Andy went out to the scary old mineshaft by my house to look for treasure. It was scary! We had to run away from a bunch of drunk hobos, and I scraped my knee up pretty bad, but it was worth it, because we found a cool rusty compass!
• Allie came by the fort today and asked to come in, but Andy said she should go filter her pet Siamese fighting fish instead. She got real mad, but what do you expect? The signs clearly state "NO GIRLS ALLOWED". (Well, except for Margie, but she's basically one of the guys so she gets an exception.)
• Benny Cartwright keeps talking about selling little green army men. Who does that anymore? That was AGES ago! Nowadays everyone is building coins. What do they do for fun where you live? Maybe that'll be the next big thing over here!
• I just got a new pet guinea pig! I named it Stinky. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and depilitate him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.
• Me and Davey spent a few hours working on our cool tree fort yesterday. We're almost done with the sauna and we're working on a hedge maze to keep the girls out.
• Mom made chitterlings for dinner again. Yuck! She said I couldn't go play Space Road 9 until I'd cleaned my plate, so I had to choke it down. When I grow up I'm just gonna eat Rolled Sweet Coils for every meal!
• The other day me and Ollie were playing Jai Alai over by the old old haunted cave and he said he thought he saw a mummy. I told him they weren't real, and he got this weird look in his eyes and said "Oh, they're real. They're real, all right. You'll find out soon enough."
• Charlie has been trying to get me into collecting chickens for ages, so I gave it a shot. It's really rewarding! I don't feel lonely at all when I'm doing it.
• Are you good at video games? I can't beat Area 8-13 of Mind Creed 7. It's got platforms that disappear and too many turrets and IF you make it to the boss he shoots you with missiles and if he kills you, you have to go all the way back to the beginning! Arrrrrrrrrgh!! Mom heard me yelling at it and said if I wasn't having fun I should stop playing. Parents just don't understand video games!
• We had to dissect an emu eye in science class today. It was pretty disgusting, especially after I dared Ronnie Berg to eat part of it and he totally did.
• Coach Copeland made us all take an extra shower after gym class today. Sometimes I wonder about that guy.
• Last weekend a bunch of us camped out overnight in our fort. We made a throne out of tar paper for the Frightmaster to sit on, and took turns sitting on it and telling scary stories with a flashlight under our face. Willy told one about a ghost named Vladimir who haunted the guy who stole his fuchsia arse. Vinnie was so scared he peed in his sleeping bag. It was totally great.

Item-Giving Stories

• I found this in the trash by my mom's desk -- it smells kind of funny. I thought maybe you'd know what it was for.
  • You acquire an item: correction fluid
• I put a ton of quarters into the Pokëmann vending machine today, trying to get the ultra-rare Kleptone figure, but no such luck! Here's one of my extras.

or

• I bought some new Pokëmann figurines today. I wish you could pick the one you got, I keep getting doubles! You can have this one.
  • You acquire an item: random Pokëmann figurine
• My mom got me these pants, but they're way too big for me. She says I'll grow into 'em, but I think they look stupid, so I'm just gonna send 'em to you and tell her I lost 'em.
  • You acquire an item: pin-stripe slacks
• I invented these great gloves. They're regular gloves, but they're covered with maple syrup on the outside, so it's way easier to pick stuff up. Mr. Davis at the comic book shop said it made it a little too easy to pick stuff up, especially stuff like Pokëmann cards I hadn't paid for. He banned me from the store until I got rid of the gloves, but they're so cool that somebody ought to have them.
  • You acquire an item: sticky gloves
• I made this in art class, but Mrs. Zimmerman said she didn't consider vandalism to be art, and she wouldn't put it in the art show at the State Fair. I'm sending it to you so my mom doesn't find it.
  • You acquire an item: paint bomb
• My mom got this big variety pack of juice boxes, and it came with this super-gross one -- I dare you to drink it!
  • You acquire an item: fish juice box
• This is a new kind of soda they're test-marketing in my region. It tastes weird -- every can is different. Anyway, I thought if they don't have it where you live you might like to try a can. Sorry if it got warm in the mail.
  • You acquire an item: Okee-Dokee soda

Parting Phrases

• I'll tell you more about it next time.
• My dad's shouting about something, I'd better go see what he wants. Bye!
• Okay, gotta go. Write me back!
• Mom's yelling for me to come to dinner, so I guess that's all for now!
• Not much else has been happening. Bye!
• Okay, smell ya later!
• That's all I can think of to tell you. See you later! (Well not really but you know what I mean.)