The Typical Tavern

The Hermit humbly requests that this page be rewritten or expanded. need below-maximum stat gain unit sizes

The Council of Loathing sends you on a quest to The Typical Tavern in The Distant Woods in order to take care of a bit of a rat problem.

Pre-Quest

There are 4 types of squares in the darkness:

• rat faucet (one square)
• Baron Von Ratsworth (one square)
• Non-combat adventures: Getting the Spins, Gleaming the Cube, Raternal Bonds, The Cask at Hand, This Song is for the Rats, Yaaaaay, beer! (a few squares, about 3)
• drunken rat (all the remaining squares, about 20)

Each type occupies a square, and doesn't move within an acension, but can rotate through possible adventures of that type, which only applies to the non-combat adventures (eg square might be Raternal Bonds one turn and Gleaming the Cube the next, but never drunken rat).

---

Baron Von Ratsworth
	Item Drops: Baron Von Ratsworth's monocle Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: varies

---

drunken rat
	Item Drops: rat whisker, rat appendix Meat Drops: 8-10 Substat Gain: 3

---

Getting the Spins
	Item Drops: bottle of rum, bottle of tequila or bottle of vodka Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: 0

---

Gleaming the Cube
	Item Drops: boxed wine Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: 0

---

Raternal Bonds
	Item Drops: ice-cold fotie Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: 0

---

The Cask at Hand
	Item Drops: a little sump'm sump'm Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: 0

---

This Song is for the Rats
	Item Drops: ice-cold beer Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: 0

---

Yaaaaay, beer!
	Item Drops: ice-cold beer Meat Drops: 0 Substat Gain: 0

Post-Quest

You must have a minimum of 100 meat to adventure at the Tavern post-quest. If you have 99 meat or less, you receive the following message:

Why go to the tavern if you can't afford to drink?

If you are either a Teetotaler or an Oxygenarian, attempting to adventure here will get you this message:

You cannot adventure in the Tavern while you're on the Path you're on.

---

With the exception of Len Scrafters, all adventures either take away n substat points, give you 2 * n substat points, or give you 5 * n substat points. The value of n falls within a range which depends on your level, but maxes out at level 15. At that level, n is equal to 50, so you can either lose 50, gain 100, or gain 250.

Note: This table is a work in progress, so you may get values outside the ranges listed here. If you do, please update the table (but beware of moon phases).

Level	n		Level	n		Level	n
3	3-4		8	23-28		12	?
4	6-7		9	?		13	?
5	12		10	?		14	?
6	11-16		11	?		15	50
7	20

For those who want to hit max drunkenness every night, don't mind losing a big chunk of adventures, and don't want to bother getting materials for drinks, the tavern is a great place to finish off the day (just as in real life). Although some hate the risk, the rewards for doing this are substantial; after the very low levels, the big win scenarios here get over 100 stat gain per adventure, which (if you're not filthy rich) simply can't be beat.

All stat gains are subject to the phases of the moons, so the maximum gain you can get is 375 stat. (stat losses aren't boosted by moon phases)

Losing adventures cost 100 meat, the minor wins cost 50 meat, and the major wins are covered by other bar patrons.

There are rumors that wearing beer goggles reduces the odds of getting a losing adventure, and that having Ode to Booze on increases the odds of the big win scenarios. Both are unconfirmed.

Math

Assuming the three different scenarios (loss, win, big win) happen equally frequently, and ignoring the Len Scrafters adventure, the average payout of an adventure is as follows:

[(loss) -n +1drunk -100meat + (win) 2n + 1drunk -50meat + (bigwin) 5n + 2drunk ] / 3 adventures = [6n -150meat + 4drunk] / 3 adventures =

An average of 2n stat gain, -50meat, and 4/3 drunkenness per adventure.

Wearing goggles or hearing the Ode does seem to tip the balance in favor of wins, and this makes tavern crawls even more dramatically effective.

Finally, Len is there too, and everyone loves beer lenses.

With Len, and spreading this out over 10 adventures:

-3n + 3drunk -300meat +6n + 3drunk -150meat +15n +6drunk + 2beer lens / 10 adventures =
18n + 12drunk -450meat + 2beer lens / 10 adventures =
1.8n + 1.2drunk -45meat + 0.2beer lens per adventure

On a stat day, only one stat type gets boosted, so looking only at stats:
-3n + (no-boost)4n + (boost)3n + (no-boost)10n + (boost)7.5n / 10 adventures =
21.5n / 10 adventures =
2.15n per adventure

---

A guy walks up to you at a bar
	Item Drops: beer lens,beer lens Meat Drops: None Substat Gain: None

---

Bad Ideas Abound
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: -100 Substat Gain: minus n (Muscle)

• 1 drunkenness

---

Over the Top
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: -50 Substat Gain: plus 2 * n (Muscle)

• 1 drunkenness

---

Kegstand!
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: None Substat Gain: plus 5 * n (Muscle)

• 2 drunkenness

---

Some Enchanted Evening
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: -100 Substat Gain: minus n (Mysticality)

• 1 drunkenness

---

Stupid Drunk Tricks
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: -50 Substat Gain: plus 2 * n (Mysticality)

• 1 drunkenness

---

Karmic Darts
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: None Substat Gain: plus 5 * n (Mysticality)

• 2 drunkenness

---

Unmoxed
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: -100 Substat Gain: minus n (Moxie)

• 1 drunkenness

---

Moxious!
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: -50 Substat Gain: plus 2 * n (Moxie)

• 1 drunkenness

---

Knock Knock...
	Item Drops: None Meat Drops: None Substat Gain: plus 5 * n (Moxie)

• 2 drunkenness