Crimborg Nutrition Station

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Killer Festive Cooking Elfbot "GREETINGS ADVENTURER. HO HO HO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO NOURISH YOUR PATHETIC ORGANIC BODY? HOLD STILL WHILE I INSERT THE NEURAL INTERFACE NEEDLE."

You feel an uncomfortable sensation at the base of your skull, and suddenly the dank interior of the Crimborg Nutrition Station becomes a warm, comfortable, intimate elven restaurant. A fireplace in the corner provides heat and pleasing ambiance, while off-duty elves chat merrily to one another around you. You relax into a big comfy armchair and peruse the menu.

Items sold

 gumdrop chow mein (50 Meat)

This is a tasty chow mein dish, only instead of chow mein noodles, it has licorice whips. And instead of meatballs, it has gumdrops (which were probably stolen from a freakish talking cookie). So it's really nothing like chow mein and a lot like a bowl of warm candy.

 candy cane pizza (75 Meat)

This is a round chocolate disc topped with caramel sauce and powdered candy canes. Elves eat stuff like this all the time. And you wonder why they secretly want to be dentists?

 gingerbread stir-fry (100 Meat)

This is a bunch of gingerbread cookies, gingersnaps, and black licorice, cut up and stir-fried in a festive holiday wok. Looks like the chef was wokkin' in a winter wonderland, as it were. Please don't throw up. Or anything at me.

Cocktails

 eggnogtini (50 Meat)

This is a delicious mix of eggnog, vodka, and sour apple schnapps (for some reason). No, seriously, it's delicious. Trust me. Even though a delicious mix of eggnog and anything, even eggnog, is fairly unlikely.

 candycaine (75 Meat)

This is a mix of 100-proof peppermint schnapps and 100-proof cinnamon schnapps. In other words, it's like mouthwash on steroids.

 braincracker sweet (100 Meat)

This drink mixes grenadine, corn syrup, pure cane sugar, and various hi-octane spirits. It's rumored that drinking one of these makes visions of sugarplums put on a burlesque show in your head.