Flaming Troll

Flaming Troll
Monster ID	142
Locations	The Valley of Rof L'm Fao
Hit Points	73
Attack	83
Defense	74
No-Hit	93
Initiative	60
Meat	32-48
Phylum	humanoid
Elements	bad spelling
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops	flaming talons, Trollhouse cookies
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Flaming Troll

The smell of brimstone, the hulking body and dragging claws, the sound of "stfu d00d u r teh suk" -- yup, this must be a flaming troll.

Hit Message(s):

It flames you in the <lower back> with a clever combination of profanity and fisticuffs. Ow! Oof! Eek! Ugh! (bad spelling damage)

It hurls insults at you. And brimstone. Ouch! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! (hot damage)

It hurls insults at you, as well as sticks and stones. The words don't hurt, but... well, you know the rest. Ooh! Ooh! Argh! Ooh!

It lights your <lower back> on fire. Fire bad! Eek! Eek! Argh! Eek! (hot damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It starts to deliver a well-crafted, thought-out, visceral and intelligent dissection of all of your biggest personality flaws, but decides it'd be better to just pummel you senseless instead. Argh! Eek! Argh! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to flame you in the <lower back>, but you ignore the attack and it misses.

It hurls insults at you, but you grin and bear it.

It hurls sticks and stones at you, but you jump around to avoid getting your bones broken.

It tries to set your <lower back> on fire, but you're inflammable. Wait, that means flammable. You're un-light-on-fire-able.

Fumble Message:

He hurls some more insults at you, but you deliver a pithy, intelligent verbal beat-down. Which, of course, he doesn't understand. But at least he's standing there scratching his head instead of attacking you. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 32−51 Meat (average: 40.5, stdev: 3.8)*

You acquire an item: flaming talons (12.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: Trollhouse cookies (39.4% chance)*

You gain 20.75 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm.

Notes

• The name refers to two kinds of internet annoyance: Flaming and Trolling.

References

• "Fire bad!" is a reference to one of the Monster's lines in the film Bride of Frankenstein
• The hit and miss messages refer to the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
• The "smells of brimstone" refers to actual brimstone, or sulfur, which is found in extremely hot places and smells very unpleasant.
• The last miss message refers to the common misconception that inflammable and flammable are antonyms, rather than synonyms.
• One of the Attack Miss lines is a reference to the company "Grin & Bear It"