Angry bassist

Angry bassist
Monster ID	969
Locations	Any location, with a Mini-Hipster familiar
Hit Points	75% of player's muscle
Attack	Moxie (cap at 10 000)
Defense	Muscle (cap at 10 000)
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, bass, head, legs
Drops	ironic knit cap
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

DAVID CROSBY Angry Ex-Bassist You're fighting an angry bassist

You suddenly find your way forward blocked by a lanky dude with a knit cap, scraggly moustache, and hip-hugging, skin-tight jeans.

"What the heck, man?" he says. "Octorok Orgy can't play because you pawned my bass so you could get a haircut!"

"Look, I don't even know what you --" you say, but the dude interrupts you.

"I'm not talking to you," he says, "I'm talking to <Familiar Name>!"

<Familiar Name> looks up, surprised. "But I needed a haircut! Why can't I have a haircut?" he says. His logic appears to be lost on the angry bassist, though, so it looks like there's gonna be a throw-down.

ROUND ONE: FIGHT!

Hit Message(s):

He swings a fist at <Familiar Name>, but hits you instead. He doesn't even say, "my bad!" Ugh! Ouch! Oof! Argh! Eek! Ow!

He stomps on the ground, sending out a shockwave. <Familiar Name> jumps over it, but it knocks you over. Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Ooh! Oof! Argh!

He tries to run over <Familiar Name> with his fixed-gear bicycle, but hits you instead. Man, those things are heavy! Oof! Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Argh! Eek!

He releases some kind of energy beam at <Familiar Name>, but it hits you instead. Woah, is this a realistic story about hipsters, or a video game? Argh! Ooh! Ooh! Argh! Ooh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

The words "Special Attack: Ironic Violence!" appear over his head. He swings a gigantic energy-based iron at <Familiar Name>, and it misses and hits you in the <foot> instead. Ooh! Ouch! Ow! Oof! Eek! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He swings a fist at <Familiar Name>, but misses both him and you.

He throws a minor hissy-fit about how his ironic hair-metal chiptune cover band can't rehearse.

He tries to run over <Familiar Name> with his fixed-gear bicycle, but misses. Since the bike has no brakes, it takes a minute for him to stop.

He shouts, "HAIDOKEN!" but nothing happens. I guess this is a realistic story about hipsters, not some kind of comic book/video game hybrid.

He stops to talk with <Familiar Name> about whether Octorok Orgy should be a cover band that does chiptune versions of hair-metal songs, or an ironic hair-metal band that does metal covers of video game soundtracks.

Fumble Message:

not known

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After Combat

You acquire an item: ironic knit cap

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Occurs anywhere, with Mini-Hipster equipped (sometimes)

References

• This character is based on Stephen Stills, a member of the band in Scott Pilgrim. His name, David Crosby, much like Stephen Stills, is a member of the Canadian music group Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Stephen Stills is voice and guitar, not bassist like David Crosby.