Knob Goblin Master Chef

He makes a delicate souffle of eggs, nutmeg, cinnamon, and your sweet, sweet pain. Ouch! Argh!

He assaults, peppers, parsleys, sages, rosemarys, and thymes you. Argh! Ow!

He whips you like a bowl of cream. The sunshine of your love turns into the dark rain of despair. Argh! Ouch!

He beats you like a three-egg omelette. It doesn't feel too eggscelent. Ugh! Ugh!

He starts to throw a cleaver at you, but breaks into tears when you make fun of his little hat.

He swings a frying pan at you, but you leap out of the way. Into the fire. Except for the 'into the fire' part.

He tries to beat you like an egg, but you beat it before he can get to you.

He tries to whip you like a bowl of cream, but the sunshine of your love is too strong for him to beat.

He tries to kick it up a notch, but fails.

He starts to pound on you with a meat tenderizing hammer, but makes too much noise. He runs back to the oven and finds his souffle has collapsed, which cause him to collapse in tears.

You acquire an item: dry noodles (14.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: Knob mushroom (15.0% chance)*

You acquire an item: spices (14.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: Knob Goblin spatula (?.?% chance)*

You gain 4-5 <substat>.

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Occurs at Kitchens.

References

• The combat message, "He assaults, peppers, parsleys, sages, rosemarys, and thymes you", contains nested puns. He "assaults, peppers" is 'salts and peppers', and "parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme" is the refrain from the song Scarborough Fair.
• "Out of the frying pan and into the fire" means that someone has gone from a bad situation to a worse one. There is a Meat Loaf song by this name.
• "The Sunshine of your love" is the title of a song by Cream
• Despite the similarity, Jick has specified that the name is not a reference to the Master Chief from Halo: Combat Evolved.