Knob Goblin Very Mad Scientist

He takes off his monocle and gives you a sound monocle-whipping with it. Eek! Oof! Oof! Oof!

He lets loose a passel of vicious, mutated, carnivorous chickens, who peck your <nipple> to tatters. Ouch! Eek! Ooh! Ugh! Argh! Ow!

He hits you with plastic tubes and pots and pans. Man, what kind of weird science uses all that stuff? Oof! Argh! Ow! Ouch! Oof!

He hits you with a concentrated blast of SCIENCE! You temporarily go blind. Ow! Ugh! Eek! Ooh!

He tries to monocle-whip you with his monocle, but fails. If only he had one more ocle.

He charges at you, but you say "Mad? We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad..." and continue until he falls asleep.

He starts to attack, but suddenly stops. From your heart and from your hand, you don't understand his intentions.

He tries to blind you with science, but you dodge like poetry in motion.

You gain 36−57 Meat (average: 45.5, stdev: 4.3)*

You acquire an item: Knob Goblin seltzer (16.5% chance)*

You acquire an item: Knob Goblin superseltzer (16.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: scrumptious reagent (24.3% chance)*

You gain 9 <substat>.

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Occurs at Laboratory.

References

• The "Mad Hatter" refers to a character (The Hatter) in Lewis Carroll's 1865 book, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
• One of the combat messages is another reference to the same book, a scene in which Alice protests to the Cheshire cat that she doesn't "want to go among mad people."

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

• "He tries to blind you with science" and "poetry in motion" are references to the Thomas Dolby song, "She Blinded Me with Science".
• "From your heart and from your hand" and "plastic tubes and pots and pans" come from lines in the song "Weird Science" by Oingo Boingo.