Mine crab

Mine crab
Monster ID	746
Locations	The Wreck of the Edgar Fitzsimmons
Hit Points	850
Attack	700
Defense	540
No-Hit	710
Initiative	50
Meat	200-300
Phylum	fish
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, leg, torso
Drops	live nautical mine
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a mine crab

This hermit crab has made perhaps the worst residential decision in the history of the sea -- it has made a home inside an unexploded naval mine. Although I suppose if he needed his house to be swept, cubicle workers all over the world would be more than willing to help him.

Anyway. You're in an extremely delicate situation here. Try not to make any sudden movements, eh?

Hit Message(s):

It pinches you in the <shoulder>. Well, now at least you know you're not dreaming. Ow! Ow! Oof! Oof! Eek! Ow! Ugh!

It says, "hey...hey..." and karate-chops you with a claw Ugh! Ooh! Ouch! Ugh! Ouch! Ugh! Oof!

It stomps on your foot with its spiny leg. This little piggy got shish-kabobed. Argh! Eek! Ugh! Argh! Ooh! Ow! Ouch!

It bounces its mine against you. It hurts, but it could have been a lot worse. Ouch! Argh! Ow! Argh! Ooh! Argh! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

It lunges at you, and in a frenzied attempt to get out of the way of the mine, you trip and fall on your face. Very slowly, but very painfully. Ouch! Ooh! Ooh! Eek! Ooh! Argh! Ouch! Ow! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to pinch you, but can't. Does that mean you're dreaming?

It tries to karate-chop you, but you dodge.

It tries to stomp on your toes, but hits the piggy that's at the market.

It tries to hit you with its mine, but you dodge for your life.

Fumble Message:

Startled by something, the crab disappears into the mine for a few moments. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*

You acquire an item: live nautical mine (20.1% chance)*

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Occurs at The Wreck of the Edgar Fitzsimmons.

Notes

• Explodes if you deal more than 40 damage to it with any single damage source.

You hit the crab just a little too hard, and the mine explodes. Man. That is not pretty.

You lose 30,000−134,560 hit points.

• Using a beehive every round is a very simple way to defeat it. You will probably want some combat damage increasers: -ML or Deft Hands work wonders.
• Funkslinging plot holes is a relatively cheap option to defeat these. (without funkslinging you won't have enough turns to kill them this way)
• Stacking multiple passive damage sources that each individually can't deal more than 40 damage per hit and then burning turns also works.

References

• The "Little Piggy" lines refer to the nursery rhyme "This Little Piggy".
• The line about cubicle workers helping the crab sweep his house is a reference to the staple game of office workers everywhere, Minesweeper.
• The second hit message is possibly a reference to two crabs in the animated film Finding Nemo, in which they are seen fighting over a stream of bubbles coming out of a sewage pipe, while saying "Hey...hey".