Naughty Sorceress Quest

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Description

After you have completed all other council quests and reached level 13, the Council of Loathing will send you on one final quest: to defeat the Naughty Sorceress. You'll have to fight, sneak, cheat, and otherwise adventure your way to the top of her tower to finally face her.

When Her Naughtiness lies defeated, you can free King Ralph XI, and -- more importantly -- get some sweet loot, if you've ascended before. You may then choose to ascend at any time, if you so please.

Registration Desk

The Contest Registration Desk will measure your adventuring aptitude and pit you against several other Adventurers to get into the tower. You'll be given three contests, selected at random, each one testing for one of your character's bonuses.

Contest	Stat Measured
Strongest Adventurer	Muscle
Smartest Adventurer	Mysticality
Smoothest Adventurer	Moxie
Fastest Adventurer	Combat Initiative
Hottest Adventurer	Hot Damage and Hot Spell Damage
Sleaziest Adventurer	Sleaze Damage and Sleaze Spell Damage
Spookiest Adventurer	Spooky Damage and Spooky Spell Damage
Coldest Adventurer	Cold Damage and Cold Spell Damage
Stinkiest Adventurer	Stench Damage and Stench Spell Damage

Get each stat as high as you can (you'll get vague feedback on how high they are at the registration desk) and then enter the contest to be ranked. You don't have to do all contests at once. The better you score on each contest, the fewer adventures you'll have to spend beating up your competitors. Defeat the one to ten contestants in each crowd, and you'll be able to proceed into the courtyard.

Hedge Maze

In the Coronation Courtyard, you'll "celebrate" the Closing Ceremony and then meet Frank. Frank will guide you through The Hedge Maze, advising you to keep left all the time. If you do, the maze will take 9 adventures and reward you with eight topiary nugglets.

If you wish to take a shortcut instead, you can get through the maze faster, as long as you can overcome the obstacles in your way. Depending on the path you take, you might fight some tough (200-350 Monster Level) monsters, or take large amounts of elemental damage from the trapped passages. Getting beaten up wastes one adventure, but you can always return to the maze where you left off (and take the other path, if you choose).

The fastest way through is to head right at every juncture. You will encounter three elemental damage traps. The damaging elements are selected randomly each time you ascend; with an upgraded telescope, you can see which ones you're up against ahead of time. The first trap will deal 90% of your maximum HP in damage, the second 80%, and the third 70%. Having full hit points and at least 7 levels of resistance to all elements should get you through, taking 4 adventures to complete the maze.

A Perplexing Door

The Naughty Sorceress' Tower Door requires six keys: Boris's key, Jarlsberg's key, Sneaky Pete's key, Richard's star key, a skeleton key, and a digital key. Each key is destroyed on use, along with its corresponding lock. You may then proceed to the tower.

Tower

The tower has five levels.

• Level 1: Fight a wall of skin. A beehive, found near the blackberry patch in The Black Forest, will defeat it.
• Level 2: Fight a wall of meat. You will have to attack it repeatedly until all its meat is removed. Having a high +Meat bonus helps tear it down faster.
• Level 3: Fight a wall of bones. Only group damage skills will deal damage to it, while all other skills cause it to fully heal. An electric boning knife, found in the Foodie Giant's room in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor), will destroy it.
• Level 4: There's a mirror. You can gaze in the mirror for a buff (costs 1 Adventure), or smash it (does not cost an Adventure). Smashing it causes the Naughty Sorceress to have higher HP when you fight her.
• Level 5: Fight your shadow. You can only hurt it by healing yourself. It deals a lot of damage, so you'll need to heal yourself pretty fast.

The Naughty Sorceress

Here, you'll have the final showdown with the Naughty Sorceress. The fight takes 3 adventures, as she progresses to a stronger form each time you defeat her. She's pretty tough, since she cancels all beneficial buffs and can block your skills and combat items, so select your outfit with care. The Sorceress' final form requires the Wand of Nagamar, which can be found in The Misspelled Cemetary.

See also Defeating The Naughty Sorceress.

Council Text

On initial visit:

Now that you have proven yourself, the Council has deemed that it is time for you to embark upon your final quest. Seek out and destroy the Naughty Sorceress, who has plagued these lands for so long, and rescue King Ralph XI, whom she has imprismed.

Go forth to her Lair, east of the Nearby Plains! Beat her down!

On subsequent visits:

Be strong, Adventurer! You must defeat the Naughty Sorceress! You'll find her Lair just east of the Nearby Plains.

After completing the quest but before freeing the king:

"Congratulations, Adventurer! You have defeated the Naughty Sorceress and brought peace to the land again. Say, did you know she was your mother?

Nah, just kidding. Anyway, I notice you left the king imprismed up there. It would be horrible if you left him there, because then the monsters would continue to fight adventurers and we would continue to have absolute power throughout the land. Yup, that sure would be a drag.

I guess you should probably go free him, though. But, y'know, take your time. If there's anything really important you have to do first, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your campsite, just go ahead and do that.

Seriously, no rush."

After freeing the king:

"Congratulations, Adventurer! It's the end of your quest as we know it. Don't worry, we feel fine. You've freed the king and made us obsolete. Ah, well. Hail to the king, baby.

There's one little matter of obscure prophecy we forgot to tell you about, though. Sorry -- Dave, our librarian, just brought it to our attention. Apparently, your physical presence is somehow tied to the continuing monster attacks in the kingdom. As long as you remain on this plane of existence, the attacks will continue. It seems that it wasn't just the Sorceress -- the monsters just really, really don't like you.

I don't suppose you'd bugger off this mortal coil, would you? Our instruments (especially the tuba) show there's a rip in the fabric of reality that appeared when you fought the Sorceress. If you jump in there, you'll ascend to a higher plane and peace will rule our land."