Place For Eating

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Eating Cave

The Eating Cave is located on Crimbo Rock, and is also known as the Place For Eating.

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Grog, the Eating-Making Cave Elf "Ugh no gala ka kreeshta!"

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Eats

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Bowl

twigs and gravel (50 pebbles)

Even though prehistoric food is pretty rough on a modern palate, the hippies would love this dish (and quite frequently, indeed, do eat it). It's a big bowl of twigs, with some gravel mixed in for texture. It's sure to get your colon a-marching.

When consumed:

You eat the twigs and gravel. It really doesn't taste worse than most healthy breakfast cereals.
You gain 3 Adventures.
You gain 5-6 Strongness.
You gain 5 Enchantedness.
You gain 5-6 Smarm.
You gain 3 fullness.

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Bowl

shoots and leaves (75 pebbles)

The favorite dish of gun-toting panda (or koala) bears everywhere, this is a big bowl of shoots and leaves. All this greenery is sure to be good for your colon, and possibly your semicolon. We were never quite sure how that thing works.

When consumed:

You eat, shoots, and leaves. Wait, that joke doesn't work in the second person. Never mind..
You gain 8-10 Adventures.
You gain 7-8 Muscleboundness.
You gain 7-8 Magicalness.
You gain 7-8 Smarm.

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Bowl

bowl of unidentifiable goo (100 pebbles)

This appears to be anything a cave-elf might eat -- which includes a good many things we'd rather not mention -- mashed up into a sticky green paste. Happy Crimbo, I guess.

When consumed:

You eat the unidentifiable goo. It's certainly far from goo-d..
You gain 9-14 Adventures.
You gain 9 Beefiness.
You gain 9-10 Wizardliness.
You gain 9-10 Cheek. You gain 5 fullness.

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Firewater

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Gourd

fermented honey (50 pebbles)

This is bee-spit, harvested from spitting bees and kept in a hole in the ground until all the sugar turned to alcohol. It's sure to give you a killer, wicked buzz.

When consumed:

You drink the fermented honey. It packs one sweet wallop -- it's like being candy caned..
You gain 4 Adventures.
You gain 5 Beefiness.
You gain 5 Mysteriousness.
You gain 5 Cheek.
You gain 3 Drunkenness. You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush (duration: 10 Adventures)

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Gourd

moons-shine (75 pebbles)

In the times before tasty alcoholic beverages were discovered, cave elves would occasionally stumble on a recipe for making booze -- usually by leaving a pile of fruit and vegetables to rot, then drinking whatever leaked out of it. Case in point: this stuff. Hold your nose when you drink it.

When consumed:

You hold your nose and drink the moonsshine. It has a delicate garbage bouquet, overtones of garbage, with an impudent garbage finish..
You gain 6 Adventures.
You gain 7 Muscleboundness.
You gain 7 Magicalness.
You gain 7 Chutzpah.
You gain 4 Drunkenness.

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Gourd

gin (100 pebbles)

Oddly enough, gin has existed since the dawn of time. When the first protozoans got together at single cell bars, they drank gin. It's always tasted exactly like a pine branch dipped in kerosene, but it's not quite as strong now as it used to be.

When consumed:

You drink the gin. It tastes like gin, only stronger. You hiccup a blue flame..
You gain 12-15 Adventures.
You gain 9 Beefiness.
You gain 9 Magicalness.
You gain 9-10 Sarcasm.
You gain 5 Drunkenness.

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References

• The consumption text for shoots and leaves refers to the following grammar joke:

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders some bamboo. After he finishes, he pulls out a revolver, fires it at the ceiling, and leaves without paying. When the manager demands an explanation for the behavior, the panda hands him a dictionary and points to the entry for "panda", which reads" "a bear-like mammal native to China that eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves". (Note the unneccessary commas)