Set an Open Course for the Virgin Booty

You hand the Meat over to the navigator, who hands it over to the quartermaster, who hands it over to an accounts payable rep, who hands it over to the grog purchasing agent, the food acquisition specialist, and the convenience store clerk, and soon the ship is fully outfitted for a voyage.

The navigator squints at you and asks "That's that, then. To what coordinates would you like to sail in search of booty, Cap'm?"

Longitude: (1-242)

Latitude: (1-100)

Set Sail!

Results

"Aye aye, Cap'm!" says the navigator, and there is a bustle of activity as the ship leaves port -- sails are unfurled, masts are hoisted, pulleys are winched, all that kind of shippy stuff. Pretty soon, you've lost sight of land, and open sea lies... um... open before you as you sail towards your destination.

Ocean Treasure

When the ship reaches the coordinates you specified, a hatch opens in the deck, and a giant treasure-crane emerges from somewhere belowdecks.

"Wow," you say, "that thing's pretty impressive."

"Yeah," says the navigator, "ever since aught three, all boats are required by law to have one. It's handy, though. Watch this!"

With a clanking of chains, the crane slowly descends into the water. After a few moments, the movement is reversed and the crane emerges from the ocean and swings back over the deck of the ship.

Key (random)

The crane opens, and a huge pile of foul-smelling wet sand plops onto the deck.

"Umm... great." you say.

The navigator shouts at some of the lower-ranking pirates, and they begin clawing through the nasty sand with their bare hands, until one of them exclaims "I found something! Here y'arrrre, Cap'm."

You acquire an item: simple ancient cursed key

or

You acquire an item: ornate ancient cursed key

or

You acquire an item: gilded ancient cursed key

Chest (random)

The crane opens, and a heavy object thuds to the deck.

You acquire an item: ancient cursed foot locker

or

You acquire an item: ornate ancient cursed chest

or

You acquire an item: gilded ancient cursed chest

Rainbow Pearl (many, coordinates below)

Prize

The clouds part and a beam of sunlight strikes the deck as the crane opens and deposits a tiny but incredibly beautiful pearl on the deck. The crew stands, transfixed by the pearl's beauty, until you grab it and shove it in your pocket.

You acquire an item: rainbow pearl

No Prize

The crane opens, and a handful of shimmering, rainbow-colored sand drops onto the deck with a soft swish. You grab it, because, hey, pretty sand!

You acquire an item: shimmering rainbow sand

Stone Triangle (59,10) (86,40) (48,47)

Prize

The crane opens, and a weird triangular rock hits the deck. Hmm. This thing looks... important.

• At (59,10):

You acquire an item: small stone triangle

• At (86,40):

You acquire an item: medium stone triangle

• At (48,47):

You acquire an item: large stone triangle

No Prize

The crane opens, and a weird stone sphere hits the deck.

You acquire an item: strange stone sphere

Small Tropical Island (many, coordinates below)

"Land ho!"

The coordinates you chose prove to be the location of a small tropical island, and you row ashore to investigate. It's quite a nice place -- clear blue waves roll lazily onto the pristine white beach, and lush green palm trees sway in the quiet breeze.

As you push inland through the dense undergrowth, you begin to feel... uneasy. It takes you a minute to understand why, but you soon realize: it's too quiet. No parrots squawking in the trees, no monkeys chattering in the bushes. Everything is as still as a tomb.

'Tomb' turns out to be an apt description as you emerge into a large clearing filled with the remains of an ancient village. Mouldering skeletons leer at you from where they lie underneath the trees, and the ruined huts crumble into dust just from the weight of your gaze. Looking around, however, you see no evidence of battle, or disaster, or plague. It's as though the village was drained of all its vitality and all life simply stopped.

Prize

At the center of the village, you find a large stone altar, evidently once the focus of great celebrations, from the way the ground around it has been trampled to hard packed earth, and scattered with ancient litter. Atop the altar is a finely-carved stone tiki idol, about a foot tall and engraved with a malevolently laughing visage. You hesitate to pick it up, but nobody ever got rich by being afraid of ancient tropical curses, so you cautiously lift it from the altar. For a moment it seems as though the idol vibrates slightly in your hands and the eyes flash red, but when you look more carefully, you find nothing out of the ordinary, so you tuck the carving under your arm and make your way back to the priate ship as quickly as possible.

You acquire an item: strange tiki idol

No Prize

At the center of the village, you find a large stone altar, evidently once the focus of great celebrations, from the way the ground around it has been trampled to hard packed earth, and scattered with ancient litter. Booted footprints in the dust indicate that someone has been here recently, so, grumbling, you break off a piece of the altar and head back to the pirate ship.

You acquire an item: sinister altar fragment

Gilligan's Island (12,84) (63,10) (81,40) (111,59) (185,86)

The pirates discover a small island at the coordinates you specified, and you take a rowboat ashore to check it out. You discover a nice little village of about a half a dozen bamboo huts, but no one seems to be around. Then, you pick up the sound of someone whistling a tune, and follow it to find a tall sandy-haired man standing at a workbench, tinkering with some kind of bamboo-based device. "Oh! Hello," he says, noticing you. "Welcome to the island. They call me 'the Professor'."

You shake his hand and ask him what he's working on. "Oh, just a little gadget to make our lives as castaways here a little easier. If it works, I'll have transformed this bamboo and some of the larger seashells we've found into a primitive but functional espresso machine."

"That's very impressive," you say, "but wouldn't your time be better spent building a boat?"

"A boat?" He ponders the question for a moment. "...Of course! A boat! Why didn't I think of it before! I could build a boat, and finally get off this beautiful tropical island where the half-wits I'm stuck here with revere me as a god because I can get FM radio on a coconut! Boy, I sure am sick of spending every night with a beautiful red-headed starlet! That's just what I'll do -- build a boat, escape this terrible paradise, and go back to my old life as a high-school science teacher in Scranton, New Jersey!"

"...I'm detecting just a hint of sarcasm, there."

After he's done rolling his eyes, you help him gather some large rocks he needs for a natural gas-fueled pastry oven he's working on. It's a pretty good workout.

You gain X Strongness.

Monkey Island (56,14) (90,36) (105,13) (147,5) (148,72)

The pirate up in the crow's nest shouts "Land ho!" as a small island comes into view. You take a rowboat out to the island and, after wandering through the jungle for a while, discover the second-largest stone monkey head you've ever seen. A gigantic Q-tip rests on the ground next to it, and you're about to take the obvious action ("use q-tip on giant stone monkey head"), when you're interrupted by the arrival of some cannibals. At least you think they're cannibals -- it's hard to tell with the big fruit-shaped masks they're wearing.

A merry chase ensues (it's quite a workout), and you eventually escape back to the pirate ship. Looks like you'll never know the secret of whatever island that was.

You gain X Fortitude.

Oyster Island (19,59) (49,42) (64,64) (173,51) (186,95)

The pirates spot an island off in the distance, and you row ashore to check it out. You discover a landscape strewn with dozens of huge, saucer-shaped boulders, and, as you're poking at one curiously, you hear a voice behind you: "Like 'em? Pretty mysterious, eh?"

You turn around to find a native grinning at you. "Yeah, I guess 'mysterious' is a pretty good word for them. What are they?"

"Statues!" he says. "Statues in honor of the Enchanted Flying Oyster." Now that he mentions it, they do look a bit like oysters, if you squint.

"Why?" you ask. "Is this the Oyster's homeland, or does it have some sort of religious significance for you, or something?"

"Nah," says the native. "We're just trying to drum up tourism. Originally we were gonna do a bunch of huge tiki heads, but oysters are a lot easier to carve. Can I interest you in an Enchanted Flying Oyster tote bag? Or a snowglobe?"

You're not really interested in souvenirs, but you do help the guy move some of his giant oyster statues. It's a pretty good workout.

You gain X Strongness.

Dinosaur Comics (55,8) (60,14) (110,15) (151,76) (187,88) (196,42)

The lookout in the crow's nest spots a small island in the distance, and you row out to it to investigate. You push through the jungle, and spot a huge tyrannosaurus rex, stomping on a log cabin over and over while a another dinosaur looks on. You prepare to run screaming for your life, but the tyrannosaurus doesn't seem interested in chasing you. Instead, it gets into a series of discussions about philosophy and linguistics with a passing raptor.

You join them in a conversation about the comic possibilities of multiple-universe theory, and gain some new insights into the working of the universe. They're pretty silly insights, but still...

You gain X Enchantedness.

Land of the Lost (23,66) (89,44) (138,43) (135,14)

You discover a small island and row out to check it out. Pushing through thick jungle, you come to a small clearing. A golden pylon in the shape of a narrow truncated pyramid sits in the clearing, and when you poke a triangluar projection near the top of it, a diamond-shaped hole forms in the front. Just in time, too, as a tyrannosaurus rex charges out of the jungle with a roar, and its teeth snap shut behind you as you dive into the pylon.

Inside, you discover a rough stone table covered with a nine by nine grid of strange glowing crystals. As the dinosaur tries vainly to get at you within the pylon (thank goodness for their little arms), you shuffle a few of the crystals around out of desperation. With a crack of thunder, a heavy rain begins to fall outside. Hmmm...

After a few minutes of contemplative fiddling, you find a combination of crystals that causes a very localized hurricane to pick up the tyrannosaurus and hurl it back into the jungle. The look of surprise on its rubber face is priceless.

You gain X Enchantedness.

Myst Island (3,35) (13,86) (44,45) (52,50) (81,5)

The lookout on the pirate ship spots a small pine tree-covered island in the distance, and you set out in a rowboat to investigate. You land at a convenient dock and have a look around -- oddly, the place seems to be uninhabited, despite having a number of interesting buildings -- a large clock tower, a planetarium, even a broken-down rocket ship of some sort.

Eventually you come upon a small library. Two books -- a red one and a blue one -- are separated from the rest of the volumes. Upon opening them, though, you discover that neither one contains any words, but instead a small window full of static and a mysterious voice begging you to find some missing red or blue pages.

Not wanting to get involved in what is undoubtedly a long and drawn-out adventure full of obscure puzzles and probably at least one really annoying maze, you put the books back on the shelf, pointedly ignore the obvious secret panel in the fireplace, and instead spend an hour in the planetarium improving your knowledge of the cosmos before heading back to the pirate ship. As far as you're concerned, the ending to this one can remain unwritten.

You gain X Enchantedness.

Cast Away (22,62) (30,35) (60,5) (83,45) (185,98)

The pirate ship encounters a small island, and you row ashore to check it out. You find a thin, bedraggled man sitting on a handmade bamboo bench next to a basketball, staring out at the sea. "Hey there. Er... what's up?" you ask.

The man ponders this question for a moment, then answers serenely: "Life is like a FedEx box. You never know what you're gonna get."

"You mean, like a basketball?"

"Sometimes, yep. Ice skates too, sometimes. Useful things, ice skates."

He proceeds to tell you his entire life story, pretty much as you expected. It's a reasonably interesting tale, though, and the guy's slowness makes you feel pretty moxious by comparison.

You gain X Cheek.

Lord of the Flies (13,91) (44,51) (85,35) (94,65) (115,14)

The pirates discover a small island at the given coordinates, and you set out in a rowboat to investigate. You find a small group of young boys in torn and ragged school uniforms. Some of them are preparing to stab the fat kid to death with pointy sticks, so you pick up a conch shell and thump a couple of them on the head with it until they're paying attention to you. Then you teach them all about wedgies and indian burns, and leave them, if not civilized, at least a bit less violent. Moxious!

As you sail away in the pirate ship, it occurs to you that you could have given the kids a lift back to the mainland. Oh well, whatever.

You gain X Roguishness.

LOST (5,39) (52,45) (133,60) (143,11) (187,92)

You discover the wreck of a large airplane, and several people milling about. They take you to a cave in the jungle, where the unusually photogenic leaders of the group spend a few hours telling you their life stories and all of the strange and interesting things that have happened to them on the island, which is apparently teeming with strange monsters, manevolent scientists, and frequent references to the numbers 4,8,11,15,16,23,37, and 42 (you start to point out that, with a collection of numbers that large, it's actually extremely likely that you'd encounter them everywhere just by random chance, but they don't seem to be listening).

When they mention the polar bear, you start to suspect that they're just making it up as they go along, and head off to play a couple rounds of golf with the fat guy before leaving. You win, which is pretty moxious of you, considering the amount of free time he's had to practice.

You gain X Smarm.

Plinth (63,29)

With strange stone sphere in inventory

You arrive at a strange, perfectly round island, with a weird looking stone plinth in the center of it. The plinth is carved with a bunch of shallow channels, through which pulse a bunch of blue lights. There's a circular depression at the top of it, almost exactly the same size as the strange stone sphere you dredged up earlier.

You place the sphere into the depression, and it immediately vanishes, seeming to sink into the plinth. A humming sounds emanates from below the ground, as if some piece of ancient machinery had suddenly sprung back to life. Perhaps that's because deep below the ground, some piece of ancient machinery has suddenly sprung back to life.

(strange stone sphere is consumed)

Without strange stone sphere in inventory

You arrive at a strange, perfectly round island, with a weird looking stone plinth in the center of it. The plinth is carved with a bunch of shallow channels, through which pulse a bunch of blue lights. There's a circular depression at the top of it, but you don't have anything to shove into it, so you shove off, instead.

Mainland (see below)

The navigator says "Sorry, Cap'm, but we can't sail to those coordinates, because that's where the mainland is, and we've pretty much plundered the mainland dry. Perhaps a more exotic locale is in order?"

• Coordinates where small tropical islands originally bore strange tiki idols (and sinister altar fragments to all subsequent visitors): (34,79), (38,70), (40,81), (41,90), (47,74), (47,83), (47,91), (51,79), (54,93), (59,75), (62,89), (63,81), (68,88), (69,77), (69,94), (70,86), (73,81), (73,88), (77,74), (79,93), (82,83), (86,72), (89,92), (90,79), (94,86), (97,81), (98,94), (100,81), (104,76), (104,85), (107,79), (110,73), (113,94), (116,74), (119,95), (120,88), (121,82), (125,97), (127,90), (129,83).
• Coordinates that produced rainbow pearls (and shimmering rainbow sand to all subsequent visitors): (124,31), (134,30), (144,29), (154,28), (164,27), (172,19), (174,26), (176,33), (178,22), (180,29), (184,25).

Notes

• Occurs during O Cap'm, My Cap'm
• Exploration of the map is in progress. See the talk page.
• Choosing invalid coordinates results in the following message:

  The navigator sighs. "Those aren't valid coordinates, Cap'm. Care to try again?"

• The Kingdom of Loathing is present on this map, largely occupying an 11x11 region beginning at the coordinates (11,11). Several coordinates in this region contain ocean, resulting in the area resembling that portrayed on the Main Map.
• Jick on the 12/10/07 Radio Show confirmed that only the first person to each island got the "Special Prize"

References

• The name of the adventure is similar to "Set an open course for the virgin sea", a lyric from the song "Come Sail Away" by Styx.
• The treasure-crane is probably based on the identical device in the GameCube game The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
• The Rainbow Pearl locations form an arrow on a map, likely a reference to the 'Rainbow Worlds' of Star Control II. These were left by an advanced race for future beings to be able to find them should the need arise, as well as being convenient toxic waste dumps.

Islands

• The "Dinosaur Comics" adventure refers to the webcomic Dinosaur Comics, where every strip is based on the same set of graphics and differs only by the dialogue (which can get quite philosophical, though often quite silly).
• The Castaway's Island adventure is a reference to the films Cast Away and Forrest Gump both starring Tom Hanks.
• Oyster Island, like Oyster Egg Day is a pun on Easter. In this case, it refers to Easter Island.
• The Monkey Island adventure contains many references to the Monkey Island series for the PC.
• Gilligan's Island is a reference to the sitcom Gilligan's Island. The discussion with the professor is a reference to the fact that despite being able to build almost anything out of bamboo, he was unable to fix a boat.
• The Island of the Kids of the Lord of the Flies is a reference to the novel The Lord of the Flies wherein children are stranded on a deserted island, and all civilization breaks down.
• The numbers mentioned in the Lost island text are a combination of the mysterious sequence of numbers seen in the TV series Lost (4,8,15,16,23,42) and KoL's magic numbers (11,23,37).
• The Myst island is obviously a reference to Myst, a point and click game which contained an island with a clock tower, a planetarium, a broken-down rocket ship (containing a special book linking to another area which contains a large maze), and a library with red and blue books containing the imprisoned sons of Atrus, the central character of the series (other than the player); the sons would beg the player to locate additional pages for their books, eventually pointing out a secret panel in the library's fireplace which led to the final page (as well as an additional book). The mention of being "unwritten" refers to Atrus's monologue during the opening sequence of Myst as he falls into the fissure, where he suggests "that perhaps the ending has not yet been written".

Other Resources

• Two sites have been set up to map the ocean - one by Gemelli (Well, I Think It's Booty), and one by Quietust (Pirate Map Tracker).