Space Marine

Space Marine
Monster ID	826
Locations	Seaside Megalopolis when not possessing the essence of cute
Hit Points	140
Attack	160
Defense	135
No-Hit	170
Initiative	40
Meat	None
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops	facehugging alien, physiostim pill
Quest	essence of fright
Manuel	space marine flash grenade
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Space Marine

This is a roughnecked, jarheaded Space Marine. You know, they're the kind who are always getting sent on a bug hunt, a bug hunt, man! Game over, man! Game over!

Anyway, this particular Space Marine just showed the rest of his platoon a picture of his sweetheart, who just found out she's pregnant, and who he can't wait to see again as soon as he does one last mission. So, y'know, don't feel bad about taking him out; he's doomed.

Hit Message(s):

He hops in an all-terrain vehicle and drives over you. Blame it on terrain, I guess. Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ouch!

Some kind of freaky alien thing pops out of his chest! It lands in front of you with a wet *splat,* bares its teeth, and hisses at you. Terrifying! Eek! Argh! Eek! Oof! Spooky Damage

He screams a warrior cry as he pumps you full of lead. Look on the bright side, though -- now you can use your finger as a pencil! Ooh! Oof! Argh! Ooh!

He fires several short, controlled bursts at your <lower back>. You let out several long, uncontrolled yelps of pain. Ouch! Argh! Ouch! Ugh!

He runs out of ammo and is forced to bludgeon you with a nearby crowbar. Low-tech, but effective. Oof! Ouch! Ouch! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He runs toward you, firing approximately eight hojillion rounds a second from his big freakin' space machine gun. You fall to the ground, and he stands over you thrusting his pelvis at your face. What a jerk. Argh! Ouch! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

A freaky alien thing pops out of the marine's chest, but it just grabs a top hat and cane and does a little soft-shoe.

He hops into an all-terrain vehicle, but can't figure out how to drive it and crashes immediately.

He runs out of ammo for his space machine gun and has to go explore the streets until he finds an ammo pack.

He stops fighting to rearrange the thirty dozen items in his inventory.

Fumble Message:

You ask him how come he's called a 'marine' when he's up on a spaceship, and not on a boat in the ocean. "You see, 'marine' means 'pertaining to the sea,' so it makes no sense in this case," you say. He grunts, perplexed. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: facehugging alien (?% chance)*

You acquire an item: physiostim pill (?% chance)*

You gain some <substat>.

References

• "Game over, man!" and the "freaky alien thing" are both references to Alien.
• The alien thing's song-and-dance number, however, references a scene in Spaceballs, which itself parodies Alien.
• Much of this monster is a reference to many first-person shooter games that feature space marines, primarily Halo:
  • Several messages reference Halo's all-terrain vehicles and players who are famously terrible at driving them.
  • The "ammo pack" miss message refers to a common practice in first-person shooter games with limited ammo supplies.
  • Similarly, many first-person shooter games have the protagonist carrying around improbable amounts of weapons and other items.
  • The critical hit message references teabagging, the act of squatting over a dead player to humiliate them.
• The all-terrain hit message is a play on the song title "Blame It On The Rain."

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Occurs at Seaside Megalopolis.