Tea party strategy

Tea Cup

Tea party hats that are actually useful in a run. This table is mostly aimed at players in Hardcore mode.

Note: "when it's worth pursuing" means "under what conditions would I invest extra turns or other resources into obtaining this hat", not "under what conditions would I use this buff if I magically happen to have this hat in my sack".

Don't forget that you can get a tea party buff when drunk.

Hat	Effect's Effect	How to get (in HC)	When it's worth pursuing
bum cheek	Muscle +10	The Sleazy Back Alley	HC day 1, Daily Dungeon tests
snorkel	Moxie +10	Spend 30 Meat	HC day 1, especially pre-accordion
Dolphin King's crown	+10 Stench Damage	Finish the Dolphin King's Map Quest	Serendipitous use only
Ze™ goggles	+10 Cold Damage	diving for Treasure in An Olympic-Sized Swimming Pool	Serendipitous use only
asshat	Familiar Experience +3	2 bum cheeks	Gourd-questing as a moxie class?
pail	Monster Level +20	Finish the Pretentious Artist Quest	HCO, Fist, or very long runs
ravioli hat	Myst +10	Born PM, or use chewing gum on a string	More max MP to cast Ode to Booze, or earlier Haunted Bedroom access as myst class
astral chapeau	Max MP +25	Pet Heaven in Valhalla
bugbear beanie	Max MP +25	70 Meat in Knoll Moon signs, or serendipitous monster drop in mandatory quest	More max MP to cast Ode to Booze, etc.
balloon helmet	Max MP +25	Multi-use Fun House drops	If you're doing the Nemesis quest anyway (hat is also useful on a Mad Hatrack)
double-ice cap	Max MP +25	April Shower (Cold) (2 days)	only if you were planning to make one anyway
maiden wig	Weapon Damage +15	80 Meat in Knoll Moon signs, or serendipitous monster drop in mandatory quest	Sewer leveling, boss fights
Crown of the Goblin King	Weapon Damage +30%	Defeat The Knob Goblin King	Sewer leveling and boss fights
basic meat helmet	Spell Damage +15	200 Meat + one Innabox-able smithing	Sewer leveling, boss fights and Sauceror synergy
turtle wax helmet	Spell Damage +15	TT, guild opened, 50 Meat	Sewer leveling and boss fights
Baron von Ratsworth's tophat	+3 Stat Gains from Fights	beating Baron Von Ratsworth with any monster aggravation device set to 9	1-3 turns post-faucet, but monocle may be superior
bubblewrap bottlecap turtleban	+20% Items from Monsters	TT + Armorcraftiness + Cola war unlock + Knob Shaft drop	only if you were planning to make one for the MP regen anyway
filthy knitted dread sack	+40% Meat from Monsters	Yellow-ray a hippy or business hippy	For Nuns (all non-Fist runs), or if meat is really needed
viking helmet	Maximum HP +50	Outskirts of Cobb's Knob drop	during a Zombie Slayer-run
fuzzy montera	Maximum HP +50	completing the Mt. McLargeHuge Quest as a Moxie class
f3d0r4	Familiar Experience +3	Valley beyond the orc chasm drop	Serendipitous use only
extra-large palm-frond toupee	Muscle +20%	Multi-use oasis drops	Serendipitous use only
reinforced beaded headband	+5 Familiar Weight	almost guaranteed drop during the war	For the NS Tower-familiars (only if you already did the Nuns yesterday).

(Softcore-Players should rather consult the full list)