Terri, the Turtle Tamer

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Perri, the Turtle Tamer

Terri, the Turtle Tamer is located in the Brotherhood of the Smackdown.

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• As Turtle Tamer:
  • On initial visit:

    "Greetings, <Player Name>! I am Terri, head Turtle Tamer for the Brotherhood. Things are quiet around here at the moment, but check back with me later, and perhaps I'll have a task for you."

  • On subsequent visits:

    "<Player Name>! I have grave news! An incredibly dangerous artifact, guarded by our guild for generations, has been stolen by your Nemesis! You must recover it from her before he discovers how to use it, or great catastrophe will surely ensue!"

    "Wait, what? Since when do I have a Nemesis?" you ask.

    "Well, we took a vote, and you weren't here, so she's your Nemesis. You should come to meetings more often. Anyway, this is not the time for such argument. Your Nemesis is rumored to lair within the Big Mountains, but I fear you have not the required mettle to defeat her. You must recover and master the Legendary Epic Weapon of the Turtle Tamer before you have any hope of victory. It will be a long and arduous task -- are you prepared?"

    "No."

    "Too bad. The first step will be to smith for yourself an Epic Weapon. You must seek out the two oldest and wisest men in the kingdom -- one will provide you with the first part of the weapon, and also, if you approach him on the correct day, the good fortune necessary to win the second part from the other, who runs the casino. One of his myriad games of chance will provide what you seek, with luck. The third part of the Epic Weapon is up to you to locate.

    "The town's meatsmith will provide you with the knowledge required to construct the Epic Weapon; I will grant you the Meat necessary to purchase the proper tool. Once you have completed the weapon, return to me."

    You gain 1,000 Meat.

  • On return (with Epic Weapon):

    "Ah, you have completed your Epic Weapon! Well done, <Player Name>!

    Your next task will be to unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon. To do this, you must travel to the Nearby Plains, to that place of horrors known only as The "Fun" House, and slay the Clownlord Beelzebozo. Only he possesses the materials you will need to complete your weapon. Return to me after you have done this. Remember, time is of the essence!"

  • Or, upon gaining the quest with Epic Weapon:

    "<Player Name>! I have grave news! An incredibly dangerous artifact, guarded by our guild for generations, has been stolen by your Nemesis! You must recover it from him before he discovers how to use it, or great catastrophe will surely ensue!"

    "Wait, what? Since when do I have a Nemesis?" you ask.

    "Well, we took a vote, and you weren't here, so he's your Nemesis. You should come to meetings more often. Anyway, this is not the time for such argument. Your Nemesis is rumored to lair within the Big Mountains, but I fear you have not the required mettle to defeat him. You must recover and master the Legendary Epic Weapon of the Turtle Tamer before you have any hope of victory. It will be a long and arduous task -- are you prepared?"

    "No."

    "Too bad. The first step will be to smith for yourself an Epic Weapon. You must seek out the..."

    "Do you mean like this Epic Weapon here?" you ask, holding it up.

    "I say, that was quick. Well, well done, Morgoth1145! Here, I'll reimburse you for the smithing costs. Your next task will be to unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon. To do this, you must travel to the Nearby Plains, to that place of horrors known only as The "Fun" House, and slay the Clownlord Beelzebozo. Only he possesses the materials you will need to complete your weapon. Return to me after you have done this. Remember, time is of the essence!"

    You gain 1,000 Meat.

  • On return (with Legendary Epic Weapon):

    "You've recovered the Legendary Epic Weapon! Well done, <Player Name>! Now all that remains is to defeat your Nemesis and recover our artifact. Unfortunately, it seems that the fiend has hidden herself well. I have some people searching for her now; return in a little while, and I should be able to give you her location."

  • On return (after defeating Stella, the Turtle Poacher)

    "Nice hat. Did you get the artifact back from your Nemesis?"
    
    "What?" you ask. "I kind of assumed this hat was it."
    
    "No. You mean you defeated your Nemesis, and that was all you found?"
    
    "Well, she did sort of escape afterwards."
    
    "Terrific," he sighs. "she must have hidden it somewhere else. Probably has a secret tropical island volcano lair or something. All right, I'll get our guys on trying to find out where she's hiding. When they find something, I'll let you know."

  • After second hit man:

    "<Player Name>! Thank goodness you're here -- some pretty shady characters have been asking about you."
    
    "Yeah, I had a run-in with some of them," you mutter darkly. "It looks like there's a price on my head."
    
    "Your Nemesis' work, I'll wager. I wish I could tell you we'd tracked down her location, but she's proving to be devilishly sneaky. You'd better watch your back."
    
    "Yeah, thanks."

  • After getting the lair map:

    "It's good to see you in one piece, <Player Name>. I hope your Nemesis' thugs aren't giving you too much trouble?"
    
    "No," you reply, "I think I've seen the last of them, thankfully. Have a look at this -- I got it off of their leader." You hand over the secret tropical island volcano lair map.
    
    "Ah, so it was a secret tropical island volcano lair after all, eh? Hmm, the markings on this map indicate treacherous waters; you're going to need a sturdy ship and an experienced crew to get there."
    
    "Right. I was hoping you could lend me one?"
    
    "I'm afraid not. We have a small ship that we use to run errands and so forth, but it isn't robust enough to make this trip. You will need to seek out transportation elsewhere."
    
    "That figures."

  • After defeating the nemesis:

    "<Player Name>! Welcome back! I have excellent news for you!"
    
    "I've got some pretty good news myself," you say, just a little smugly. "I've defeated my Nemesis once and for all!"
    
    "Really? That's fantastic!"
    
    "Yeah... Um, I really didn't see anything that looked like an artifact that's vitally important for the future of the world or anything, though..."
    
    "Oh, yes, well, about that... that's what I wanted to tell you, actually. See, we found it."
    
    "... You found it?"
    
    "Yeah, it turned out not to be missing after all. See, Larry over there ("Hi," says Larry, waving), he sent it out to be cleaned, and forgot to tell anyone."
    
    "..."
    
    "Sorry about that. Larry's new. But anyway, we've got it back now. And hey, you beat your Nemesis, that's really terrific! It'll be nice not having to worry about her any more."
    
    "...Yeah."
    
    "I should give you something for your trouble, though. Here's some meat. Go take a nice vacation or something, you've earned it!"
    
    "Thanks," you mutter dryly.
    
    

    You gain 6,000 Meat.

• As Seal Clubber:
  • On initial visit:

    The Turtle Tamer looks up as you approach, and grunts noncomittally. "You must be the new Seal Clubber. I'm Terri, the strongest Turtle Tamer in the Brotherhood -- and don't you forget it! What are you hanging around here for, anyway? Haven't you got anything to do?"

  • On subsequent visits after The Wizard of Ego is complete:

    Terri growls "Get lost, I'm busy!" and you decide that discretion is the better part of not getting punched really hard.

The Wizard of Ego

• On initial visit:

  Terri glares at you. "Are you still here? Looks like you just volunteered for a quest! Shut up and listen, I'm only saying this once.

  Out in the Nearby Plains, there was a mighty wizard named Fernswarthy, whose lair was a great stone tower filled with all manner of diabolical magics. A few years ago, he was killed by his own sorcery, and the tower destroyed -- and good riddance! His treasure was never found, though, and we think it's buried under the wreckage of the tower. The tower gates are too strong to open ourselves, and we think the key was buried in the Misspelled Cemetary with Fernswarthy's body.

  I'll mark the location of the Cemetary on your map. Go get the key, and bring it back here. Be quick about it!"

• On subsequent visits:

  Terri scowls at you. "Have you brought me Fernswarthy's key? No? What the hell are you standing around here for, then? Get to it!"

• With Fernswarthy's key:

  Terri looks surprised as you hand over Fernswarthy's key. "You actually got it? Looks like I lost my bet with Gunther. Bah, now I have to go find someone to search that bloody tower. Here's some meat, go spend it somewhere away from me."

You gain 500 Meat.

• The visit after returning the key:

  "Guess what? I couldn't find anyone else to check out the ruins of Fernswarthy's tower, so you've just volunteered again. Congratulations." With a sneer, Terri gives you the key you found earlier, and makes some notes on your map. "Here's the location of the ruins. Get out there and find that crazy old loon's treasure, and don't come back empty-handed!"

You acquire an item: Fernswarthy's key

• On subsequent visits:

  Terri sees you approaching, and growls at you. "If you haven't finished searching the ruins, I'd better not see your face until you do!"

• The visit with dusty old book:

  Terri looks aggravated when you hand over the book you found. "That's it? That's just an old copy of the Manual of Labor! Keep the stupid thing, we've got tons of those already. Bah, I should have known it wasn't worth the trouble to mess with that crumbling old ruin. Well, what are you standing around here for? Go find something to do, I'm busy!"

You acquire an item: Manual of Labor