You Don't Mess Around with Gym

Choice adventure number: 670

You Don't Mess Around with Gym

The smell of sweat, musk, and testosterone (but mostly sweat) lets your nose know you've found the Fitness Giant's workout room. Dumbbells are stacked in racks on the floor, and pictures of dumbbells flexing their muscles adorn the walls. There's a giant treadmill, a giant elliptical machine, and a giant blender for making giant protein smoothies.

You can also see (and smell) the giant's gym bag on a bench in the corner. Man, nasty sweaty socks get exponentially nastier as their size increases.

Grab a Dumbbell

• First time:

You search the big rack of dumbbells for the lightest one you can find, but when you try to pick it up it still weighs about as much as you do. Finally you find a normal-sized barbell on the floor that you can lift. You take it, trying to shake off the feeling you've just stolen the giant's lost tongue piercing.

You acquire an item: massive dumbbell

• Subsequently:

You contemplate taking another dumbbell, but the one you have is already weighing you down. You feel like you'd be the dumbbell for trying to carry two.

Note: Does not take an adventure.

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Work Out

You grab the smallest of the free weights and strain to lift it for a few minutes, to no effect. Then you hop on the treadmill, but you can't reach any of the buttons to start it. You finally find a little spring-loaded thing you can use as a chest exerciser, so you work out for a few minutes, decidedly not thinking about what the giants use that machine for.

You gain 201 Fortitude.

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Rifle the Gym Bag

You hop into the Fitness Giant's bag and look around. You narrowly avoid a giant jockstrap, and find the giant's personal effects in their own little mesh bag inside. You take a few choice items and crawl back out.

You acquire an item: pec oil

You acquire an item: giant jar of protein powder

You acquire an item: Squat-Thrust Magazine

Note: you get two items (?)

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Check out the Mirror

• Without an amulet of extreme plot significance equipped:

You check yourself out in the giant mirror. Yup, that's you all right. You feel like the mirror is somehow significant to the plot, but you can't find anything to activate it.

Note: Does not take an adventure.

• With an amulet of extreme plot significance equipped and no access to the Ground Floor:

You check yourself out in one of the giant mirrors around the room. There's a bright glow from your amulet of plot significance, and the mirror starts to twist and shimmer. You cautiously poke it with a finger, to see if it's going to try to coat you in mirror stuff and drag you into the real world where you're wired into a computer and suspended in a tub of warm goo. Thankfully, that doesn't happen, but you do step through the mirror into another part of the castle. You glimpse a giant chore wheel on the wall, tantalizing but out of reach.

New Area Unlocked

Ground Floor, in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky.

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Leave through the Basement Window

You crawl out through the basement window (which is somewhat similar to coming in through the bathroom window, but with less awesome music), and make sure you know where it is so you can find it later. Note: Does not take an adventure.

If returning:

You crawl back in the window and find yourself back in the Fitness Giant's bedroom.

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Occurs in the Basement‎.

References

• The title is a reference to the Jim Croce song "You Don't Mess Around with Jim".
• What you're expecting the mirror to do when you touch it is a reference to The Matrix; a similar event causes the expected result in Fernswarthy's Basement.
• The message when leaving through the basement window is a reference to the 1969 Beatles song "She Came In Through the Bathroom Window."