User:Orbrisa

There doesn't seem to be a convenient way (Mafia, the wiki, whatever) to figure out items that maximize all your stats at once. So, here is a partial list. Afterwards there is a list of disclaimers. Some things were omitted on purpose. Some things have stat requirements, and/or are expensive. Others are not tradeable, or not conveniently tradeable. Look before buying if you don't have something already.

Hats

Hodgman's porkpie hat: 20%
Baron von Ratsworth's tophat, outrageous sombrero, chrome helmet turtle, various ComicCon promo hats: 5
Dolphin King's crown, pixel hat: 2

Back Items

Great S-Cape: 5 (A con promo item. No others yet.)

Shirts

Letterman's jacket: 10%
Star shirt: 5
"Humorous" T-shirt: 4
Wumpus-hair sweater: 3
White hat hacker T-shirt: 2
Anniversary safety glass vest: 1

Weapons

Hodgman's whackin' stick, Super-sweet boom box: 20%
Bucket of anniversary lard: 1
Ocarina of space (two handed, you can't wear an off-hand with this): 4
Drywall axe (two handed, you can't wear an off-hand with this): 2, 3%

Off-hand Items

Hodgman's imaginary hamster: 20%
Card sleeve with an Alice's Army Foil Horseman inserted: 15%
Card sleeve with an Alice's Army Horseman inserted: 5%
Chalice of the Malkovich Prince: 4%
bobble-hip hula elf doll, Easter egg balloon, Oyster egg balloon: 5
Mr. Balloon, Gnauga hide buckler, Painted shield: 3

Pants

Sugar shorts: 30%
Hodgman's lobsterskin pants: 20%
Cane-mail pants: 10%
Duct tape dockers: 6
Liar's pants: 5

Accessories

Hodgman's bow tie: 20%
Fossilized necklace: 15% and 10 (assumes you have maxed out the number of teeth)
Juju Mojo Mask: 10% Dead guy's memento, Lucky bottlecap: 5%
Mr. Accessory, Golden Mr. Accessory, Ms. Accessory, plastic vampire fangs: 15
War medals: 5-11
blackberry galoshes, pirate fledges: 7
Mr. Accessory Jr., shiny hood ornament, Tiny plastic Susie: 5
Jewelry made from elemental gems, severed rocking horse head, shiny ring, Talisman o' Nam, tiny plastic strand of DNA: 3

Custom items and rare (or rare-ish) things like rainbow pearl jewelry and radio prizes are not on this list. Ditto items that came from convention promos (unless there are few or no other options in that slot), or stuff that is old/expensive/unobtainable now and has newer and cheaper replacements. Also I didn't bother with +1 and other low-bonus gear when better options were available. If your stats are very low you may wish to consult the Dressing For Success pages for individual stats to see other options. The general assumption is that you are in aftercore.

Don't forget that you can dual wield if you have the proper Seal Clubber skill, and that if you have a Disembodied Hand it can wield a 1-handed weapon and improve your stats.

Variable things like the moonthril gear you get from The Isotope Smithery and Baios were deliberately omitted. For buffs, you're on your own.

If I left something else out that isn't covered by the above disclaimers, feel free to poke me in game.