A Test of Testarrrsterone

In a corner of the barrr, you see two manly pirates having an argument about which one of them is more manly.

"I be farrr more masculine than ye be, ye landlubber!" one says. "I only stop drinking when I'm fightin', and I only stop fightin' or drinkin' when I'm wenchin'!"

"Ha!" the other one replies. "I can fight, drink, and wench at the same time, and only occasionally do I punch the wench, sip my opponent, and do something unfortunate with the bottle o' grog!"

"Fellows, fellows," you say, "I think you're both overlooking an important point, here. Stereotypical concepts of gender roles only serve to facilitate the compartmentalization of society, fostering the myth of the other and leading to alienation and..." you break off as you see both of them staring at you, looking confused. Since you know that, with manly types, looking confused usually leads to face-punching the object of the confusion, you quickly change tactics.

"Er, what I mean is, neither of ye be as manly as me! Yarrrrgh! And to prove it, I'll challenge ye to a drinkin' contest!"

The manly pirates quickly agree to test their drinking skills against yours. Since you're not entirely sure you can beat them, how are you going to pull this off?

Cheat

You raise your glass, mime drinking, then quietly pour the glass out under the table. You feel pretty moxious while you're getting away with it, until one of your pirate opponents notices his shoes are soaking wet. The ensuing barrr brawl (brarrrwl?) proves a pretty effective workout, all things considered.

You gain 100 Fortitude.

You gain 100 Smarm.

drink up and hope for the best

Wuss out