Dairy goat

Data on this page needs confirmation. Does the 2nd hit message still show up, or was it replaced by the 3rd one?

She pulverizes your <shoulder> with her fearsome udders. Ouch! Eek! Ow! Ooh!

She charges at you and gives you two horns right in the <shoulder>. Ouch! Argh! Ouch! Ow!

She charges at you and gives you two horns right in the leg. Yes, female goats can have horns. Look it up, I ain't your damn search engine. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Argh!

She smacks you with one cloven hoof. Oof! Ouch! Argh! Ugh!

She squirts goat milk right into your <shoulder>. Ick! Argh! Argh! Argh! Ow! (sleaze damage)

With a battle cry of "Lady Odalady Odalady-who!" she leaps into the air and lands right on your head, crushing you beneath her swollen udders. Wonder where this lonely goat heard she could attack you like that? Ow! Ow! Argh! Ugh!

She swings her udder at you, but misses. She's an udder failure. Yeah, go ahead and punch me in the face.

She tries to charge at you and headbutt, but her swingin' udders slow her down. Five lessons learned for her, I guess.

She squirts goat milk at you, but for you, dodging is a feta compli.

She triest to smack you with her hoof, but you hoof it out of the way.

She leaps into the air, jumping from rock to rock, trying to bring down an avalanche on your head. Fortunately, she slips off a narrow ledge and lands on her back in front of you. You flex your opposable thumbs and feel superior.

You gain 40−64 Meat (average: 50.5, stdev: 4.7)*

You acquire an item: glass of goat's milk (20.4% chance)*

You acquire an item: goat cheese (39.2% chance)*

You gain 13-14 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Goatlet.

References

• One of the miss messages references the punk band $wingin' Utter$, and their 1998 album Five Lessons Learned.
• A female goat, or nanny, can in fact have horns.
• The "feta compli" in the third miss message is a pun combining fait accompli and feta, a type of cheese often made from goat's milk.
• The critical hit message references (and puns on) "The Lonely Goatherd", a song in The Sound of Music imitative of yodeling.