Delirium in the Cafeterium

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Choice adventure number: 700

Delirium in the Cafeterium

The bell in the hallway rings. Far from being saved by the bell, you're condemned by it. Now you've got to face the worst part of the high school experience: the cafeteria. If the food doesn't kill you, the social awkwardness will.

You can see the clique structure is pretty well-defined: there's a table full of muscle-bound men and women joking and arm-wrestling; a table with dweebs in high pants and thick glasses rolling weird-shaped dice; and then there's a conclave of pompadoured cool kids scratching their initials into the last table with their switchblade knives (and combing their hair with their switchblade combs.

Presuming you made it through that last hellish sentence, where do you want to sit?

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Sit with the Jocks

You walk toward the table of jocks, trying to puff yourself up and look as buff as possible. "Hey, guys, can I sit here?" you ask, gesturing to an empty seat.

"Whatever, dork," one of the lacrosse girls says, sliding over to cover the empty seat, "do you even lift?"

"Yeah, I pick up stuff and put it down all the time," you say. That doesn't appear to be the right answer, as they take turns pelting you with luncheon debris until you walk away.

You lose ?−8−20-? hit points.

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Sit with the Nerds

Without Nerd is the Word:

You walk up to the nerd table, but before you can sit down, one of them extends a fist.

"Really?" you ask, incredulous.

"Oh, I'm not suggesting we engage in fisticuffs, good sir," the nerd says, "I'm challenging you to a game or rock-paper-scissors-pony-python."

He explains the rules, which involve throwing hand signs that represent the rock, paper, etc., and which hand sign trumps the other.

You throw a rock, then a pony, then a python, but he beats you with paper (which covers rock), python (which bites the pony), and scissors (which snip the python's fangs). You not only get a few weak punches on the arm for losing, but you can't even find a seat at the nerd table. Weak.

You lose 18? hit points.

With Nerd is the Word:

You ask if you can sit at the nerd table, but they're not sure that you're nerdy enough to join their crew. You win them over by reciting the entire periodic table in under 90 seconds, and get to spend your lunch hour dissecting the minutiae of fantasy universes and real-world science.

You gain ?10? Beefiness.

You gain ?23? Magicalness.

You gain ?10? Cheek.

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Sit with the Greasers

You put your tray down on the greaser's table. "Hey, man, what makes you think you can sit with us?" one of the guys says, running a comb through his pompadour.

"He's just kidding. Grab a seat," the girl next to him says.

"Wow, really? Thanks, you guys!" you say, smiling widely.

"See, that's why you can't sit here," the guy replies. "You're a total spaz."

You turn to walk away, and one of the greasers trips you on the long walk away. Stupid kids.

You lose ?−31-? hit points.

With Greaser Lightnin':

You walk toward the cool kid's table, but just before you get close enough for them to reject you, you slip on a puddle of unidentifiable goo on the floor. You fall backward, tossing your tray into the air, but just before you land on your butt, you kick one leg, stick a hand out, and pull off a slick breakdancing move. You spin around 360 degrees on your back, leap up, and catch everything on your tray before it can land. One of the cool kids actually lowers his shades and looks over them at you (the cool kid equivalent of jumping up and hugging you), and you get to spend lunch hour whooping it up with the hip kids.

or

You wander past the cool kids' table, barely sliding your eyes sideways at the greasers and mods sitting there, maybe giving an almost imperceptible nod. "Hey," one of the leather-clad, pompadour'd guys says.

You pause and look about halfway to his direction, careful not to look like you're paying attention.

The guy slides over a little bit, enough so you can sit down. You spend your lunch hour trying to look cool, and mostly succeeding, winning over the cool kids by being just as disinterested and enigmatic as they are. Or, y'know, whatever.

You gain ?14? Strengthliness.

You gain ?12-14? Enchantedness.

You gain ?24-30? Roguishness.

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Occurs at KoL High School, 21st Adventure of the day

References

• The description refers to the television sitcom Saved by the Bell.