Crimborg Nutrition Station
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Killer Festive Cooking Elfbot "GREETINGS ADVENTURER. HO HO HO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO NOURISH YOUR PATHETIC ORGANIC BODY? HOLD STILL WHILE I INSERT THE NEURAL INTERFACE NEEDLE."
You feel an uncomfortable sensation at the base of your skull, and suddenly the dank interior of the Crimborg Nutrition Station becomes a warm, comfortable, intimate elven restaurant. A fireplace in the corner provides heat and pleasing ambiance, while off-duty elves chat merrily to one another around you. You relax into a big comfy armchair and peruse the menu.
Items sold
- gumdrop chow mein (50 Meat)
This is a tasty chow mein dish, only instead of chow mein noodles, it has licorice whips. And instead of meatballs, it has gumdrops (which were probably stolen from a freakish talking cookie). So it's really nothing like chow mein and a lot like a bowl of warm candy.
- candy cane pizza (75 Meat)
This is a round chocolate disc topped with caramel sauce and powdered candy canes. Elves eat stuff like this all the time. And you wonder why they secretly want to be dentists?
- gingerbread stir-fry (100 Meat)
This is a bunch of gingerbread cookies, gingersnaps, and black licorice, cut up and stir-fried in a festive holiday wok. Looks like the chef was wokkin' in a winter wonderland, as it were. Please don't throw up. Or anything at me.
Cocktails
- eggnogtini (50 Meat)
This is a delicious mix of eggnog, vodka, and sour apple schnapps (for some reason). No, seriously, it's delicious. Trust me. Even though a delicious mix of eggnog and anything, even eggnog, is fairly unlikely.
- candycaine (75 Meat)
This is a mix of 100-proof peppermint schnapps and 100-proof cinnamon schnapps. In other words, it's like mouthwash on steroids.
- braincracker sweet (100 Meat)
This drink mixes grenadine, corn syrup, pure cane sugar, and various hi-octane spirits. It's rumored that drinking one of these makes visions of sugarplums put on a burlesque show in your head.
References
- The neural interface needle that is placed at the back of the neck, and the virtual reality that follows it, is a reference to a trilogy 'The Matrix'.
