Captain, our Science Team has discovered another Procrastinator Homing Beacon on the surface of this world. You may activate it at your discretion.
Finding electric razors:
Message from First Officer Nortquee Johnson:
Captain, Science Master Melvin reports that he's found a cache of 5 Procrastinator electric razors. He spent a few minutes figuring out how to take the batteries out of them, and furthermore has figured out a way to convert the batteries into projectiles compatible with the specifications of the ship's Phlogiston Torpedo launchers.
Finding a shaving mirror:
Message from First Officer Blorfnort Moore:
Captain, we've discovered another remarkable piece of Procrastinator technology. It's a mirror, manufactured with a precision and skill the likes of which we've never seen. Based on the environment in which it was found, Science Master Melvin believes the Procrastinators used it for shaving, though it doesn't appear to seen much use.
We've used it to replace the mirror in our beam focuser -- our energy weapons should be significantly more effective now.
Beta
Finding a cloning machine:
Message from First Officer Nortgree Meadows:
Captain, Science Master Melvin returned to the ship with a strange Procrastinator artifact. He got impatient, and turned it on without waiting for the computer to finish analyzing it, and it ended up spontaneously cloning 15 of our crew members.
Finding mouthwash
Message from First Officer Snarfquee Benedict:
Captain, our Science Team has returned from the planet's surface with what appears to be a bottle of Procrastinator mouthwash. Apparently their halitosis-causing germs were far more advanced than our own, because the substance is highly reactive. Science Master Melvin poured it into the ship's gas tank to see what would happen, and it greatly enriched our fuel supply!
Finding towels
Message from First Officer Snarfnorg Meadows:
Captain, Science Master Melvin has discovered a large supply of Procrastinator towels. They're made of a remarkably durable substance, and in addition to absorbing water, they absorb shock, radiation, and blood.
Outfitting our landing teams with these will make planetary expeditions much, much safer.
Gamma
Finding a urinal cake
Message from First Officer Blatblorf Belvedere:
Captain, Science Master Melvin is very excited to announce that he has discovered a Procrastinator urinal cake on the surface of the planet, and converted it into an extremely unstable, extremely dangerous explosive device.
Finding an alarm clock
Message from First Officer Nortnorg Draper:
Captain, the Science Team has discovered an unusual Procrastinator artifact whose purpose is not immediately apparent. Scans indicate a high concentration of quasi-temporal neutrino flux emanating from the device, and its only visible feature is a button marked 'SNOOZE.' I've taken the liberty of hiding the device from Science Master Melvin. It's hidden underneath your recliner on the bridge of the ship.
Notes
Activating a beacon uses up a week of game time but does not use up any gas.
