Feliz Narrative

As you approach the old toy factory, a penguin blocks your way (well, at least from the waist down), thumping a lead pipe menacingly against one flipper. "Hey, you mook," he says, "Allow me to make the pleasure of your acquaintance. I'm Cappuccino Decaffa, the Godpenguin's right-flipper-man. The Godpenguin says that no one gets in here without what that they hear some plot exposition."

"All right," you say, "but make it quick. And no cutscenes."

"Fair enough. So what we have here is the failure upon the part of one Mr. Uncle Crimbo, a gentleman whose acquaintance you may have made, to live up to a business agreement between Mr. Uncle Crimbo and the Godpenguin. Mr. Crimbo borrowed a not insignificant amount of meat from us, meat that came from our many legitimate business interests, and he was to invest that meat in a brand-new Grimacite factory, and a somewhat more profitable business model for gift transactions.

"But, as the course of events have taken us, it would seem that Mr. Crimbo built the cheapest and most shoddy factory he could with our meat, and then absconded with the remaining fortune. So my associates and I came here to perhaps salvage the deal the best we could, but we found all of the elves are getting mutated by the Grimacite radiation. So we are obliged to forcibly liquidate Mr. Crimbo's assets, up to and including the holiday itself, to recoup on our investment."

Cappuccino leans closer to you. "If you would wish to become a friend of the Penguin Mafia, you would go into the Grimacite factory and liquidate a few of those mutant elves. Such a gesture of goodwill would not go unnoticed by the Godpenguin. However, should you choose to go into the toy factory and beat up on my business associates, that gesture would not go unnoticed, either."