An Elf Bearddresser
An Elf Bearddresser is located in the 2016 incarnation of Crimbo Town after aligning Uncle Crimbo's Reindeer Chakra.
- After aligning Uncle Crimbo's Reindeer Chakra:
"Hello there!" The elf waves at you brightly. You take a step backwards, because she has a very sharp-looking straight-razor in her hand. "I'm Barb! I'm Uncle Crimbo's beardresser!"
"You dress bears? That explains the knife. But why?"
"Nooo, silly!" she laughs. "Like a hairdresser! Except for his beard!"
"Ahh, I see."
"Gotta keep it looking good! Combed and fluffy and curly but not too curly! Gotta trim off the split ends, gotta keep off the nicotine stains!"
"Well, that does seem like an important job. So Uncle Crimbo's fifth chakra is Beard, then?"
"Nope! It's Skull!"
"...What?"
"Ha ha! Nah, just foolin'. It's Beard. It's what gives him that air of wisdom and authority, you know? Trustworthiness. It's why parents don't freak out about kids sitting on his lap."
"Gotcha. Okay, I'll let you know how it goes."
She clicks a couple pairs of scissors at you cheerfully. "Want a little trim before ya go?"
"Er, no. I'm fine."
- Subsequent visits (before aligning Uncle Crimbo's Beard Chakra):
After a few minutes spent looking around, you find Barb grooming one of the Crimbo trees. "Gotta keep in practice!" she says. "You sure I can't give ya a trim?"
"I'm... pretty sure I don't even have a beard," you say.
"Oh well. How's that chakra coming? Uncle Crimbo's beard is probably a real rat nest after a whole year of meditation following a whole year of meditation."
"It's coming along. Should be done soon."
"Alrighty!" She goes back to curling some pine needles with heated tongs.
- After aligning Uncle Crimbo's Beard Chakra:
You find Barb putting the finishing touches on her perfectly-coiffed pine tree. "Hey Barb, I've got that Beard chakra aligned."
"I can tell!" she says, nodding vigorously as she snips an arrant needle from the big green handlebar mustache. "Can't you just feel that calm avuncular wisdom in the air? That trustworthiness, that sense of rationality, but the kind that comes from the heart?"
"Uh... sure. I guess? I mean, everyone seems to be in a pretty good mood, yeah."
"Well, good job! Just one more to go, and you'll have this whole Crimbo situation as straight as a new comb! The last elf'll be here tomorrow, if he isn't already."
