Giant Castle Map Quest

Description

Successfully use the giant castle map.

Tasks

Adventure in the the Castle in the Clouds in the Sky until you obtain a furry fur, a giant needle, and and an awful poetry journal. Keep adventuring in the castle until you encounter the chore wheel. Turn the chore wheel clockwise or counterclockwise until it is the procrastination giant's turn to guard the back door. Use the giant castle map to complete the quest and get the quantum egg. Combine the egg with the S.O.C.K. to get the intragalactic rowboat.

Rewards

Unlocks the The Hole in the Sky for adventuring.

Adventure Text

You duck through the unguarded back door of the Castle, and follow the map into the mess hall for the Giant Guard. As you run across one of the tables, you bounce onto a giant jell-o mold. Mould. Whatever. One of the guard giants sees you and tries to catch you in mid-air.

Thinking quickly, you jab him in the finger with your giant needle. You run on while he sucks on his finger and cries like a little girl. A really big little girl.

You flee the Guard Giant Mess Hall and round a corner into what looks like a bedroom, complete with fireplace and roaring fire. As you creep across the hearth, you hear a booming (yet shrill) "EEEEEK!" from the bed. A 1950s Housewife Giantess leaps out of bed and advances towards you with a broom...

Thinking even more quickly, you pull out your Furry Fur, lay it out in front of the fireplace, and hide under it.

"Hmm," says the Giantess. "When did I get that rug? I'll have to ask Wally, or perhaps Tha' Beave."

She quickly loses interest, and you collect your Fur and move on.

You follow the map into a room filled with dog-eared scripts, elaborate costumes, and a palpable aura of pretension. You see a Drama Giant asleep in a corner of the room. You try to tiptoe through the room but get tripped up by a pair of giant maracas. The ensuing clatter wakes the Giant, who scowls at you.

"Interloper, I challenge you to a poetry competition!"

You're no poet, and you do know it, so you pull out the Awful Poetry Journal you stole from one of the Goth Giants. Two stanzas into "The dark rain of my miasmic soul," the Drama Giant jumps out of the window (with a flourish,) and into the moat to escape the pain.

You follow the Giant's map to the highest tower and through a door marked "Sorceress' Lair."

You go through the door and see a duck sitting on a pillow. But this is no ordinary duck - when it ruffles its feathers, fractal patterns dance on its wings. You realize this is the legendary Quantum Duck.

"Have you got any nails?" It asks you.

"What?"

"Sorry, wrong scenario. *Ahem* -- " you have never heard a duck clear its throat before. But then you've never heard a duck talk before either. "-- I'm sorry, adventurer, but the Sorceress is in another castle! However, I can give you something to help you on your way.

You acquire an item: quantum egg

References

• The housewife giantess refers to the TV show Leave It to Beaver.
• The reference to the poetry competition is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, where Arthur and Ford are challenged to a poetry competition by the Vorgon leader after sneaking aboard his ship.
• "Got any nails?" is a reference to a joke that usually goes something like this:

A duck walks into a pub. He says to the barman: "Got any fish?" The barman says, "No! This is a pub. Sorry, we don't have fish here. Try the fish market." The duck goes "Oh," and walks off.

The next day, the duck walks back into the pub and says: "Got any fish?" The barman goes, "I'm sure you came in yesterday! Don't you remember what I said? I ain't got any fish, alright?" The duck goes "Oh," and walks off.

The day after that, the duck returns and goes: "Got any fish?" The barman says: "Look, I haven't got any fish! This is a pub, for goodness sake! Now get lost!" The duck goes, "Oh," and walks off.

The next day the duck enters the pub yet again and says: "Got any fish?" The barman says: "If you say that to me ever again, I'LL NAIL YOUR FEET TO MY CEILING!" The duck goes, "Oh," and walks off.

The next day, the duck goes back into the pub. He says: "Got any nails?" The barman says, "No, why would we?" Then the duck goes: "Got any fish?"

• "Sorry, adventurer, but the Sorceress is in another castle" is a reference to Super Mario Bros.. At the end of the fourth stage of Worlds 1-7, the "Mushroom Retainer" you just rescued would say "Thank you, Mario! But our princess is in another castle!"
• The quantum duck itself refers to an old geek joke:

Q: What does the quantum duck say?

A: Quark, quark.

• The duck is a reference to Jack in the Bean Stalk, where Jack steals a chicken that lays golden eggs from the giant.