Grim fairy tale
grim fairy tale
This is a fairy tale from the quill of one of the Grim Brothers. Since it hasn't been filtered through Grimstone, it's probably going to be pretty dark and unsettling.
Type: usable
Cannot be discarded
(In-game plural: grim fairy tales)
Obtained From
When Used
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| You read the tale: <random tale> | ||
| ||
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| (You gain 4 Spleen.) |
Notes
Possible tales:
Once upon a time, in a cottage in the middle of a deep, dark forest, there lived seven dwarves: Flappy, Floppy, Dwalin, Groucho, Stinky, Huey, and Doc. They were hard-working folk who kept to themselves and tried to stay out of other people's drama. But one day a young girl came to their door: a girl with lips red as cherries, hair black as ebony, and eyes blue as the sky. Her name was Snow Purple.
"Oh, dear dwarves, you must hide me!" the girl said. "My stepmother, the wicked Queen Stinkette, wants to cut out my heart because she is jealous of how pretty I am!"
"That really sucks," agreed Doc, and the dwarves worked out an "arrangement" with Snow Purple.
What? I meant that she did chores for them in exchange for room and board. This is a kids' story, for crying out loud.
And so the dwarves and Snow Purple were happy with their arrangement until one day an old crone knocked on their door. She offered to sell Snow Purple a single delicious orange at a very reasonable price. Snow Purple haggled the crone down further, and then took the orange and bit into it with gusto.
But alas! The old crone was really the wicked Queen Stinkette in disguise! And the orange was an enchanted orange, which caused her to fall deep into a slumber from which she would not awaken.
Heartbroken, the dwarves built a glass coffin and placed her inside, because people do strange things when they're grieving. They didn't even mind that Snow Purple's breath fogged up the glass. And there did she lie for the better part of a week...
But then the handsome Prince rode through the forest, and he saw the dwarves' cottage and stopped there to visit. He was a prince from another nearby kingdom, though. Otherwise he'd be Snow Purple's half-brother, and that's weird.
Spying the maiden in her coffin, his heart stirred with longing, and he opened the coffin and kissed her cherry-red lips. At once, she awoke, for it was true love's kiss, and even though she was technically unconscious when it happened, it was good enough.
And so the dwarves were forced to juggle burning coals for putting Snow Purple in a coffin instead of seeking medical attention for her, and the Prince and Snow Purple lived happily ever after.
But the wicked Stinkette was sent to sleep with the fishes, and she totally deserved it.
THE END
--
Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Ashleigh who lived in a cottage with her evil stepmother and two ugly stepsisters, Droolia and Diarrhea. Ashleigh was basically made to live like a slave; every morning before breakfast she had to wax dad's shoes, and more often than not her breakfast was lukewarm boiled cabbage.
One day, the Prince declared that there would be a grand ball at the royal palace, where he would choose his future queen. Ashleigh begged her evil stepmother to let her go to the ball, but the stepmother refused, and left Ashleigh to sit alone in the ashes of the fireplace. I mean, I guess she could have sat wherever she wanted after everyone had gone to the ball, but old habits die hard.
Fortunately, Ashleigh's Fairy Godmother intervened. She gave Ashleigh a beautiful dress to wear, turned a starfruit into a coach and some goats into horses, and gave her a stunning glass fez to wear.
Ashleigh went to the ball, spent the whole night doing the Twist with the Prince, but the magic began to run out when the clock struck midnight. She ran from the palace, dropping her glass fez in her haste.
The next day, the Prince searched the whole kingdom to find the girl who fit the glass fez. Ashleigh's stepmother tried to hide Ashleigh when the Prince came, but a little bird told him where she was hiding, and the glass fez fit perfectly.
The Prince married Ashleigh and they lived happily ever after. But Ashleigh's stepsisters were poked with red-hot pokers, then forced to be her servants for the rest of their lives.
Oh, and the evil stepmother was roasted alive in a giant iron sloth.
THE END
Collection
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