Angry bassist
| Angry bassist | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 969 |
| Locations | Any location, with a Mini-Hipster familiar |
| Hit Points | 75% of player's muscle |
| Attack | Moxie (cap at 10 000) |
| Defense | Muscle (cap at 10 000) |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | arm, bass, head, legs |
| Drops | ironic knit cap |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
 |
You're fighting an angry bassist |
You suddenly find your way forward blocked by a lanky dude with a knit cap, scraggly moustache, and hip-hugging, skin-tight jeans.
"What the heck, man?" he says. "Octorok Orgy can't play because you pawned my bass so you could get a haircut!"
"Look, I don't even know what you --" you say, but the dude interrupts you.
"I'm not talking to you," he says, "I'm talking to <Familiar Name>!"
<Familiar Name> looks up, surprised. "But I needed a haircut! Why can't I have a haircut?" he says. His logic appears to be lost on the angry bassist, though, so it looks like there's gonna be a throw-down.
ROUND ONE: FIGHT!
Hit Message(s):
He swings a fist at <Familiar Name>, but hits you instead. He doesn't even say, "my bad!" Ow! Ouch! Oof! Eek! Ouch! Ugh!
He stomps on the ground, sending out a shockwave. <Familiar Name> jumps over it, but it knocks you over. Ouch! Ouch! Argh! Oof! Eek! Ooh!
He tries to run over <Familiar Name> with his fixed-gear bicycle, but hits you instead. Man, those things are heavy! Ouch! Oof! Eek! Ouch! Oof! Ugh!
He releases some kind of energy beam at <Familiar Name>, but it hits you instead. Woah, is this a realistic story about hipsters, or a video game? Eek! Ooh! Argh! Eek! Argh! Eek!
The words "Special Attack: Ironic Violence!" appear over his head. He swings a gigantic energy-based iron at <Familiar Name>, and it misses and hits you in the <leg> instead. Oof! Ow! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
He swings a fist at <Familiar Name>, but misses both him and you.
He throws a minor hissy-fit about how his ironic hair-metal chiptune cover band can't rehearse.
He tries to run over <Familiar Name> with his fixed-gear bicycle, but misses. Since the bike has no brakes, it takes a minute for him to stop.
He shouts, "HAIDOKEN!" but nothing happens. I guess this is a realistic story about hipsters, not some kind of comic book/video game hybrid.
He stops to talk with <Familiar Name> about whether Octorok Orgy should be a cover band that does chiptune versions of hair-metal songs, or an ironic hair-metal band that does metal covers of video game soundtracks.
not known
 | You acquire an item: ironic knit cap |
Occurs anywhere, with Mini-Hipster equipped (sometimes)
References
- This character is based on Stephen Stills, a member of the band in Scott Pilgrim. His name, David Crosby, much like Stephen Stills, is a member of the rock "supergroup" Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Neither Stills nor Crosby played bass in CSN&Y, though Crosby did play bass briefly (and unsuccessfully) with The Byrds.
