Lyle, Traveling Infrastructure Specialist
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Choice adventure number: 1263
Lyle, Traveling Infrastructure Specialist
- A sign near Lyle's desk reads: "Monorail Rail Progress: 100%"
"Good day to you friend, don't wear that sad frown,
a time of great fortune has come to the town!
The path is laid clear and the railstock delivered
and now all the track is properly jiggered!
If you wait but a while, maybe one day or twenty,
the monorail launch will be quite the event... y!
Additionally, on first visit after monorail is complete:
- For all your hard work, your sweat, and your toil,
have this novelty ticket embossed with some foil! 
You acquire an item: novelty monorail ticket
Occurs at Lyle Industries.
History
- On January 3, 2018, the monorail was completed. Before that, Lyle said:
- A sign near Lyle's desk reads: "Monorail Rail Progress: x%"
"Good day to you friend, don't wear that sad frown,
a time of great fortune has come to the town!
The path is laid clear and the railstock delivered
we just need some workers that aren't lily-livered!
If you've purchased some stock, you should use a chisel.
We'll get this job done... something, something fo' schnizzle!
Be careful out there, my laboring dude (or dudette),
some organized penguins are up to no good!"
| Work on the line. (1 adventure) |
| Grab a Chisel. |
| "No Thanks." |
- Around October 3, 2017, Lyle added two more lines. Before that, he said only:
- "Good day to you friend, don't wear that sad frown,
a time of great fortune has come to the town!
The path is laid clear and the railstock delivered
we just need some workers that aren't lily-livered!
If you've purchased some stock, you should use a chisel.
We'll get this job done... something, something fo' schnizzle!"
- Until September 26, 2017, the text read:
- The foundation is dug and the path is all clear,
this rail-line will run soon, never you fear!
| I'm not really afraid, but this is taking FOREVER! |
- So sorry, old chap, for the seeming delay,
even Huggler Memorial wasn't built in a day!
We'll soon lay the track, using barely skilled labor
and ride on the rails with our brother and neighbor!
- On September 19, 2017, Lyle altered his text slightly to promise the impending end of construction:
- The plans are all ready and schedules in place,
so pick up your shovel, let's keep up the pace!
If you failed to buy in when the first round was set,
don't worry your head, you can get in with sweat!
I know that this drudge work can seem rather dull,
but it's better than death! How existential.
You've all worked so hard for certificate pay,
I think that this job will be done today!
- Between September 15 and September 18, 2017, Lyle added a bit more to his text:
- The plans are all ready and schedules in place,
so pick up your shovel, let's keep up the pace!
If you failed to buy in when the first round was set,
don't worry your head, you can get in with sweat!
I know that this drudge work can seem rather dull,
but it's better than death! How existential.
This process of building will have many phases,
but these jobs will soon finish if nobody lazes!
- Between September 11 and September 15, 2017, Lyle started allowing adventurers to work for stock again (though at a significantly lower exchange rate), saying:
- The plans are all ready and schedules in place,
so pick up your shovel, let's keep up the pace!
If you failed to buy in when the first round was set,
don't worry your head, you can get in with sweat!
| Work a shovel? (11 adventures) |
Drive your shovel down and dig over here,
wipe sweat off your brow and dig over there!
Put your back into the work and never have fear,
the path for the monorail will soon be so clear!
wipe sweat off your brow and dig over there!
Put your back into the work and never have fear,
the path for the monorail will soon be so clear!
 | You lose 11 Adventures. |
 | You acquire an item: shovelful of dirt (? chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: L.I.M.P. Stock Certificate |
| Work a sledgehammer? (11 adventures) |
With the heft of our hammers and the strength of our blows
we'll dig in the earth and see where she goes.
A bedrock foundation is sure what we need
to plant our stone pylons and be safe at high speed!
we'll dig in the earth and see where she goes.
A bedrock foundation is sure what we need
to plant our stone pylons and be safe at high speed!
| You lose 11 Adventures. |
 | You acquire an item: hunk of granite (? chance)* |
| You acquire an item: L.I.M.P. Stock Certificate |
| Maybe later |
No problem there, pal,
just know we can't fail!
Invest in this scheme,
and live out the dream!
just know we can't fail!
Invest in this scheme,
and live out the dream!
- Between August 10 and September 10, 2017, Lyle said:
- Thanks to my successful ad blitz,
we've raised the funds and filed permits.
In a short week or two of baited[sic] breath waiting,
construction will start, be anticipating!
- Between August 3 and August 9, 2017, citizens could still purchase or work for stock, and Lyle's text changed again:
- Well, hey there wonderful citizen of town.
Take an exciting gander around!
We've nearly completed the work on the building
and thus the stock sale will soon be ending!
Investors will write their name on the track,
as workers build rail-lines to elsewhere and back!
This train-line is sure to launch some fun!
- Between July 25 and August 2, 2017, Lyle added the following, and allowed citizens to purchase or work for stock:
- Hey there, Adventurer, I'm working hard,
refurbishing this old building by the train yard.
Come back in a while, to hear some more,
I'll get you in, on the ground floor.
Well, hey there citizen of town.
Why are you so down?
I've got an idea, that's lots of fun!
| What'll you call it when it's done? |
Imagine if you will,
a way to fly across the hills.
A train with but one track!
a way to fly across the hills.
A train with but one track!
| That idea sure sounds whack! |
(You find yourself humming and singing along...)
It's effective and fast,
riding on it will be a blast!
It'll take you all over, to and fro!
It's effective and fast,
riding on it will be a blast!
It'll take you all over, to and fro!
| That sounds neat, but where will it go? |
A trip to the beach,
is well within reach.
Gosh, even distant lands won't be too far.
is well within reach.
Gosh, even distant lands won't be too far.
| Why wouldn't I just drive a car? |
Driving a car is surely fine,
but not once you've had too much wine.
With this train, your carefree vacation won't be stalled.
but not once you've had too much wine.
With this train, your carefree vacation won't be stalled.
| Now, this sounds great, what it called? |
A monorail, my pal, riding on one rail!
A monorail, comrade, cruising by your pad!
A monorail, don't mock, in which you own stock!
A monorail, comrade, cruising by your pad!
A monorail, don't mock, in which you own stock!
| Stock you say, you're here to hock? |
An opportunity! Not a sale!
This monorail just can't fail.
This monorail just can't fail.
Get in now,
I'll tell you how!
| 10,000 Meat? Well that seems fair. |
A once in a lifetime opportunity,
to spend your meat and help the community!
| Ok, but first, I'd like to see the cap table. |
Investors I've got! And moreover,
I assure you that none of them feel bent over!
| That sounds good, I'll buy if I'm able! |
If your pocketbook is low on bank,
Don't fret, I'll get it from Hagnk.
All you need is ten thousand meat and a dream!
How much would you like to invest in this scheme?
Don't fret, I'll get it from Hagnk.
All you need is ten thousand meat and a dream!
How much would you like to invest in this scheme?
| 10,000 Meat |
| 50,000 Meat |
| 100,000 Meat |
| 250,000 Meat |
| 1,000,000 Meat |
| 5,000,000 Meat |
You cheerfully hand over X meat and receive your stock certificate!
| You acquire an item: L.I.M.P. Stock Certificate |
| How about sweat equity? (5 adventures) |
That's it buddy, work that broom,
we'll clean all the corners of this room.
With your effort and help,
we'll get this building ready with nary a yelp.
we'll clean all the corners of this room.
With your effort and help,
we'll get this building ready with nary a yelp.
| You lose 5 Adventures. |
 | You acquire an item: Dust bunny (? chance)* |
| You acquire an item: L.I.M.P. Stock Certificate |
| 0 Meat |
Takes you back to the option to purchase stock and/or look at the cap table
| Sorry, Bud, this plan seems unstable. |
No problem, pal, but you'll return.
This isn't a plot designed to burn!
This isn't a plot designed to burn!
| Ok, ok, skip to the good part |
- Takes you to the option to purchase stock and/or look at the cap table
| Uh, no thanks. |
- Sorry buddy, I'm not interested.
- Lyle Industries first appeared around July 10, 2017. Originally Lyle said only:
- Hey there, Adventurer, I'm working hard,
refurbishing this old building by the train yard.
Come back in a while, to hear some more,
I'll get you in, on the ground floor.
Notes
- Some of the shopkeepers in Market Square occasionally relate monorail-related rumors:
- "Did you hear that Lyle skipped town?"
- "Did you hear that the monorail opens soon?"
- "Did you hear the joke about the Seal Clubber and the Accordion Thief riding the monorail?"
- "Did you hear the scoop about the Council and LIMP? I hear there's going to be a political fight over rail taxes."
- "Did you hear the scuttlebutt about then[sic] hippies protesting the monorail station? Something about the track running through protected wetlands?"
- "I don't understand this monorail thing, we have perfectly good birail tracks in town."
- "I hear that Lyle is currently hiring engineers to run the monorail."
- "I heard that before he came here, Lyle was imprisoned for 10 years in Distant Lands."
- "I heard that the monorail is actually a monorail to heck."
- "I think the monorail is a scam."
- "I've heard that the Penguins aren't done with Lyle, no way."
- "Rumor has it, Lyle has already skipped town and is building a monorail in Fallfield."
- "What a horrible night to have a curse! Also, did you hear that thing about Lyle?"
- "Did you know, the monorail is going to let you travel around the world in 11 minutes!"
- "I bet Lyle and Dr. Stuart are in cahoots and are going to fleece the town."
- "I heard that the mafia is going to do something to the completed station."
- Replaced with A Monorail Station on March 27, 2018.
References
- A similar verse-spouting salesman (named Lyle Lanley) appears in The Simpsons' episode Marge vs. the Monorail from 1993. Which itself was a parody of the traveling salesman character Harold Hill from the musical The Music Man.
- The rumor referring to "Fallfield" is a play on the Simpsons' home town, Springfield.
- "What a horrible night to have a curse!" is a reference to a famously annoying transition scene in the video game Castlevania II: Simon's Quest.
