Astral badger

This is a very complex Nth-dimensional lifeform, the intersection of which with this universe happens to exactly resemble a badger. Scientists have been entirely unable to explain this, although the fact that they keep eating the mushrooms that the badger somehow creates, and thereby keep being flung into bizarre and inexplicable alternate dimensions, goes a long way towards explaining why.

To receive a map and a guided tour through the previous sentence, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to our home office in Sioux City, Iowa.

Type: familiar
Cannot be discarded

When Used

You put the astral badger in your Familiar-Gro™ Terrarium.

You place the astral badger in your terrarium. He jumps up and down in a strange, repetitive dance.

Combat Messages

• NAME* reaches into a higher plane and pulls out a snake! A snake! It's a snake! He throws the snake at your opponent, and the snake bites for X damage.

• NAME* claws your opponent with his pan-dimensional claws and bites him with his astral teeth for X damage. Ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage right now: ASTRAL TEETH!

• NAME* claws your opponent with his pan-dimensional claws for X damage. If only the monster had a "non-pandimensional claws clause" in his contract.

When an astral mushroom appears:

You hear a small *pop!* as *NAME* produces a rainbow-colored mushroom from... well, from somewhere. You couldn't really tell. He sniffs the mushroom, then tosses it away. You pick it up because, hey, free mushroom.

Notes

• Becomes an Astral Badger.
• June 2006's special of the month from Mr. Store.

References

• The "strange, repetitive dance" is a reference to the internet meme Badger Badger Badger, as are the astral mushrooms. During the Badger Badger Badger sequence, the song includes a "Mushroom, mushroom," section. Much like the mysterious astral mushrooms, the quote "Mushroom, Mushroom," is often viewed as random and appearing from nowhere.
• The sentence regarding the location of a home office is based on an early running gag perpetuated by David Letterman on his late night talk show. He would say the Top Ten List came from the home office of Sioux City, Iowa. The joke was that the CBS station in Sioux City wouldn't air Letterman's show at that point. See Cities that have been David Letterman's Home Office for more cities he's used.
• The Nth-dimensional lifeform and intersection description is a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in which the N-th dimensional lifeforms are mice.
• The combat text mentioning snakes and Samuel L. Jackson refers to the movie "Snakes on a Plane".
• "You pick it up because, hey, free mushroom." is a reference to an installment of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy which advises, "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

Collection

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