Naughty Sorceress Quest
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Description
After you have completed all other council quests and reached level 13, the Council of Loathing will send you on one final quest: to defeat the Naughty Sorceress. You'll have to fight, sneak, cheat, and otherwise adventure your way to the top of her tower to finally face her.
When Her Naughtiness lies defeated, you can free King Ralph XI, and -- more importantly -- get some sweet loot, if you've ascended before. You may then choose to ascend at any time, if you so please.
Registration Desk
The Contest Registration Desk will measure your adventuring aptitude and pit you against several other Adventurers to get into the tower. You'll be given three contests, selected at random, each one testing for one of your character's bonuses.
| Contest | Stat Measured |
|---|---|
| Fastest Adventurer | Combat Initiative |
| Smartest Adventurer | Moxie |
| Strongest Adventurer | Muscle |
| Hottest Adventurer | Hot Damage (Possibly also bonus damage to hot spells?) |
| Smoothest Adventurer | Moxie |
| Sleaziest Adventurer | Sleaze Damage (Possibly also bonus damage to sleaze spells?) |
| ??? | ??? |
Get each stat as high as you can (you'll get vague feedback on how high they are at the registration desk) and then enter the contest to be ranked. You don't have to do all contests at once. The better you score on each contest, the fewer adventures you'll have to spend beating up your competitors. Defeat the one to ten contestants in each crowd, and you'll be able to proceed into the courtyard.
Hedge Maze
In the Coronation Courtyard, you'll "celebrate" the Closing Ceremony and then meet Frank. Frank will guide you through The Hedge Maze, advising you to keep left all the time. If you do, the maze will take 9 (?) adventures and reward you with eight topiary nugglets.
If you wish to take a shortcut instead, you can get through the maze faster, but only if you can withstand large amounts of elemental damage from the trapped passages. Having lots of Elemental Resistance is handy. Getting beaten up wastes one adventure, but you can always return to the maze where you left off (and take the other path, if you choose).
A Perplexing Door
The Naughty Sorceress' Tower Door requires six keys: Boris's key, Jarlsberg's key, Sneaky Pete's key, Richard's star key, a skeleton key, and a digital key. Each key is destroyed on use, along with its corresponding lock. You may then proceed to the tower.
Tower
The tower has five levels.
- Level 1: Fight a wall of skin. You'll need a beehive, found near the blackberry patch in The Black Forest, to defeat it.
- Level 2: Fight a wall of meat. Destroy it with damage like regular monsters, but it will reform, and you'll have to fight it again. Having a high Meat from Monsters bonus helps tear it down faster.
- Level 3: Fight a wall of bones. It immediately heals any damage you deal to it. Use an electric boning knife, found in the Foodie Giant's room in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor), to destroy it.
- Level 4: There's a mirror. You can gaze in the mirror for a buff, or smash it.
- Level 5: Fight your shadow. You can only hurt it by healing yourself. It deals a lot of damage, so you'll need to heal yourself pretty fast. Using filthy poultices and/or gauze garters usually works.
The Naughty Sorceress
Here, you'll have the final showdown with the Naughty Sorceress. The fight will take 3 adventures, since -- in cheesy video game tradition -- she progresses to a stronger form each time you "defeat" her. She's pretty tough, but her first two forms don't need anything specific to beat; just chop off all her hit points before she does the same to you. The Sorceress' final form requires the Wand of Nagamar, which can be found in The Misspelled Cemetary.
See also Defeating The Naughty Sorceress.
Council Text
On initial visit:
Now that you have proven yourself, the Council has deemed that it is time for you to embark upon your final quest. Seek out and destroy the Naughty Sorceress, who has plagued these lands for so long, and rescue King Ralph XI, whom she has imprismed.
Go forth to her Lair, east of the Nearby Plains! Beat her down!
On subsequent visits:
- Be strong, Adventurer! You must defeat the Naughty Sorceress! You'll find her Lair just east of the Nearby Plains.
After completing the quest but before freeing the king:
- "Congratulations, Adventurer! You have defeated the Naughty Sorceress and brought peace to the land again. Say, did you know she was your mother?
- Nah, just kidding. Anyway, I notice you left the king imprismed up there. It would be horrible if you left him there, because then the monsters would continue to fight adventurers and we would continue to have absolute power throughout the land. Yup, that sure would be a drag.
- I guess you should probably go free him, though. But, y'know, take your time. If there's anything really important you have to do first, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your campsite, just go ahead and do that.
- Seriously, no rush."
After freeing the king:
- "Congratulations, Adventurer! It's the end of your quest as we know it. Don't worry, we feel fine. You've freed the king and made us obsolete. Ah, well. Hail to the king, baby.
- There's one little matter of obscure prophecy we forgot to tell you about, though. Sorry -- Dave, our librarian, just brought it to our attention. Apparently, your physical presence is somehow tied to the continuing monster attacks in the kingdom. As long as you remain on this plane of existence, the attacks will continue. It seems that it wasn't just the Sorceress -- the monsters just really, really don't like you.
- I don't suppose you'd bugger off this mortal coil, would you? Our instruments (especially the tuba) show there's a rip in the fabric of reality that appeared when you fought the Sorceress. If you jump in there, you'll ascend to a higher plane and peace will rule our land."
