Normal hobo

Normal hobo
Monster ID	651
Locations	Hobopolis Town Square
Hit Points	400
Attack	300
Defense	270
No-Hit	310
Initiative	100
Meat	None
Phylum	hobo
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops	'WILL WORK FOR BOOZE' sign, corncob pipe, cup of infinite pencils, frayed rope belt, hobo nickel, lucky bottlecap, Mr. Joe's bangles, panhandle panhandling hat, rusty piece of rebar
Manuel Entry
	refreshedit data

There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required.

Which items drop from which hobo images?

You're fighting Whistling Craig "Two-Teeth" Osborne, the Tapdancing Trombo

What we have here is your typical example of hobo sapiens, identifiable by his scruffy beard, bent top-hat with the top opened like a tin can, and the fact that he's trying to mug you with a length of old two-by-four.

or

You slip on a banana peel and flail wildly to keep your balance, reflecting on how much funnier that gag is when it's happening to somebody else. Your ungainly flailing knocks over a stick with a polka-dot handkerchief tied to it. "Hey!" a nearby hobo shouts. "You knocked over my bindle!"

"Your what?" you ask.

"Tin roof -- rusted!" he shouts back. Apparently, that's hobo slang for "don't touch my stuff, or I'll beat you senseless."

or

You stop to listen to a hobo playing a soulful old blues tune on a battered tin harmonica. He's pretty good, though the chorus, in which he tries to beat you up and take your wallet, leaves a little something to be desired.

or

"Hey, buddy," says a nearby hobo. "Would ya like to hear an amusing tale about the time Boxcar Jimmy and I were chased by railroad bulls all the way from Topeka to Missoula?"

"Er, no. No thanks," you reply.

"How about the time I got caught stealin' a pie off a windowsill and had to hide in a trash can, and I fell asleep and woke up in the city dump?"

"Sounds like a great story, but no."

"How about the time I beat an adventurer senseless with a rusty tire iron and stole [his/her] boots?"

"No thank you... what's that you're holding behind your back?"

or

A hobo emerges from a cardboard lean-to and approaches you, doffing his tattered top hat. "Would ye have any spare meat?" he asks. You shake your head and start to walk away. "Well, in that case," he says, "do ye have any meat that a fellow might, say, beat you up and try to steal?"

Hit Message(s):

He pokes you with a rusty bottle opener. Ow! Who ever heard of a rusty bottle? Ugh! Argh! Eek! Ow! Ugh! Ow!

He kicks you with his hobnailed boots. The multi-colored mirrors lacerate your flesh. Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Ow! Ouch! Ow!

He knees you in the primary sexual characteristics. Ow! Oof! Ow! Ouch! Argh! Eek! Ooh!

He says "say 'rock,'" and headbutts you. Ugh! Ouch! Oof! Argh! Oof! Ooh!

He throws an elbow at you. His elbow. It catches you in the neck. Eek! Ugh! Ouch! Eek! Ugh! Eek!

He beans you on the head with a railroad spike, then eats some beans and goes to the head. Ouch! Eek! Oof! Ouch! Ow! Ouch!

He picks up a trash can and does an impromptu musical performance with it. The hollow gonging sound the trash can makes as it bounces off your head is amazingly rich and resonant. Argh! Ooh!

He clenches a fist made rock-hard through years of migratory labor, and thumps you on the head with it.

He beats you about the head and neck with his bindle. There are a lot of objects in there, and several of them are really sharp!

He hits you with his bindle. Looks like he's tired of bindling up his rage. Eek! Ouch! Eek! Eek! Oof!

He finds a tire iron in the alley and tries to loosen your lug nuts. By the time he figures out you don't have any lug nuts, the damage has been done. Oof! Oof! Ooh! Eek! Ugh!

He shoves his harmonica where the sun don't shine. Then he pulls it out of the shady nook he found and buries it in your skull. Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Ooh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

not known

Miss Message(s):

He picks up a rock, looks at it while muttering something inaudible, then throws it at you.

He clenches a fist made rock-hard through years of migratory labor, and thumps you on the head with it.

He pauses to boil a shoe for his dinner. How comically tragic!

He tries to shove his harmonica where the sun don't shine, but you insist that all of your orifices get adequate sun exposure.

He tries to hit you with his bindle, but catches it on a spindle.

He takes a minute to plunk out a tune on a cigar-box banjo. He's actually pretty good.

He tries to poke you with a bottle opener, but you point out that you're a twist-off.

He stops attacking to mark some hobo runes on a nearby wall. As far as you can tell, he's writing a coded, detailed account of the fight you two are having. Wow, a hobo blogger. Hobogger?

Fumble Message:

not known

After Combat

You acquire an item: hobo nickel

You acquire an item: Mr. Joe's bangles

You acquire an item: corncob pipe

You acquire an item: panhandle panhandling hat

You acquire an item: frayed rope belt

You acquire an item: cup of infinite pencils

You acquire an item: "WILL WORK FOR BOOZE" sign

You acquire an item: lucky bottlecap

Occurs at Hobopolis Town Square.

Notes

Killing hobos with 500 or more total points of damage of a single type will leave behind different hobo bits, which Richard collects for scarehobos:

Hobos killed by over 500 points of physical damage:

Man, you really hit that hobo hard! So hard, in fact, that you knocked him completely out of his skin, which is now lying in a wrinkly heap on the ground.

Richard pops his head out of a nearby steam tunnel entrance, says "Hey, good, I've been looking for one of these," grabs the skin, and heads back down into the tunnels.

Hobos killed by over 500 points of hot damage:

Boy, you sure scorched that hobo good! All that's left is a smoking pair of boots!

Richard emerges from a nearby steam tunnel entrance, winks at you, grabs the boots, and disappears again.

Hobos killed by over 500 points of cold damage:

Wow! You froze that hobo so hard that he shattered into a million pieces! All that's left is a pair of frozen eyeballs.

Richard pops out of a nearby steam tunnel hatch and grabs the eyes. "Lookin' good, kid!" he says with a wink, as he ducks back down the hatch.

Hobos killed by over 500 points of spooky damage:

Boy, you sure scared that hobo! He ran off so fast that he left his skull behind!

Richard emerges from a nearby steam hatch and retrieves the skull. "This'll come in handy!" he says, as he heads back down into the tunnels.

Hobos killed by over 500 points of sleaze damage:

Wow. You embarrassed that hobo so thoroughly that he ran off without his crotch!

Richard emerges from a nearby steam tunnel hatch and gingerly retrieves the crotch with a pair of tongs. "Nice work, kid!" he says as he descends back down through the hatch.

Hobos killed by over 500 points of stench damage:

Man, you really did a number on that hobo. All that's left of him is a pile of foul-smelling guts.

Richard emerges from a nearby steam hatch and scoops the guts up into a bag. "These smell pretty awful, but I'm sure I can find some use for 'em." he says, as he disappears back down into the tunnels.

The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected. The items they drop seem to be influenced by the image, however (for example, the Cup of infinite pencils only seems to drop from the hobo whose image shows him carrying a cup of pencils.