Pen Pal Messages

This page is in need of content. More letters. Also, some stories have parts that change, such as numbers, nouns and names.

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After using My Own Pen Pal kit, you will be assigned a Pen Pal, who will write you every day and send you a free item.

The message "New message received from Your Pen Pal." will be found in your recent events log. You will get a letter from your Pen Pal immediately when using My Own Pen Pal kit, once per day (even when you don't log in), and when you ascend.

Format

The message is formatted in the following way:

Dear <playername>:

Greeting Phrase

Fun Story

Fun Story

Item-Giving Story

Parting Phrase

Your pen pal,
<alliterative name>

Greeting Phrases

• Ahoy! (That's what I would say if we were on a boat.)
• Arr, Matey. (That's how I'd say hi if I were a pirate.)
• Greetings from Distant Lands!
• Heyo!
• Hello!
• Hiya!
• Hola! (I learned that in school)
• How are things?
• How are things in the Kingdom of Loathing?
• Howdy!
• Howdy, Pardner!
• How's it going?
• How's the Adventuring going?
• I hope you are healthy and happy. (<comment>)
• I hope your animals are well-groomed. (<comment>)
• I hope that your <FamilyMember(Male)> is as strong as a mighty oak. (<comment>)
• I hope that your <FamilyMember(Female)> is fresh as the morning dew. (<comment>)
• I hope this letter finds you well. (<comment>)
• I hope your <Body-Part> has been freshly washed. (<comment>)
• I trust your <FamilyMember> is in good health. (<comment>)

Comments

• I learned that in school!
• I thought it would be funny to say that.
• My <FamilyMember> made me write that.
• That's a traditional Distant Lands greeting!
• That's how my <FamilyMember(male)> says I should start letters. Only he calls 'em "correspondence" cause he's a lawyer.
• That's how my <FamilyMember(female)> says I should start letters. Only she calls 'em "missives" -- what's that all about?

Fun Stories

• I heard that all the cool kids over there are braiding bottlecaps. I think it sounds a little <adjective>, but maybe I'll give it a try.
• My dad went a little crazy last night and painted my whole room <room-color>. And I mean the *whole* room. So now my sheets are all stiff and everything smells like wet paint. Do you know how to get paint off of a video game? I'm seriously jonesing without my <VideoGame> -- I mean, I just unlocked the variant <mount-color> Mount before all this happened!
• I just got a new pet <my pet>! I named it <petname>. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and <verb> him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.
• The other day, me and <BoysFirstName> went out to the <ScaryPlace> by my house to look for treasure. It was scary! We had to run away from a bunch of <chasers>, and I scraped my knee up pretty bad, but it was worth it, because we found a cool <compass-description> compass!
• Guess what -- me and Jimmy solved the Mystery of Witch Hollow! It turns out Old Man Villarreal was dressing up as a zombie to try to trick Mrs. Schwartz out of her valuable old paintings. He said he'd have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for our meddling.
• <GirlsFirstName> came by the fort today and asked to come in, but <BoysFirstName> said she should go <verb> her pet <their pet> instead. She got real mad, but what do you expect? The signs clearly state "NO GIRLS ALLOWED". (Well, except for <GirlsFirstName>, but she's basically one of the guys so she gets an exception.)
• Benny Cartwright keeps talking about selling little green army men. Who does that anymore? That was AGES ago! Nowadays everyone is building coins. What do they do for fun where you live? Maybe that'll be the next big thing over here!
• Me and Davey spent a few hours working on our cool tree fort yesterday. We're almost done with the sauna and we're working on a hedge maze to keep the girls out.
• Mom made <BadFood> for dinner again. Yuck! She said I couldn't go play Space Road 9 until I'd cleaned my plate, so I had to choke it down. When I grow up I'm just gonna eat <GoodFood> for every meal!
• My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to punch sacks of potatoes for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, would you do it, too?" I mean, what does that even mean?
• I still have to <verb> my little brother to earn my allowance, and I usually blow it on comic books and bubble gum. My favorite comic right now is The Ineffable Ace Dirge -- I can't believe the stuff he gets up to every month!
• The other day me and <BoysFirstName> were playing Jai Alai over by the <ScaryPlace> and he said he thought he saw a <ScaryCreature>. I told him they weren't real, and he got this weird look in his eyes and said "Oh, they're real. They're real, all right. You'll find out soon enough."
• Charlie has been trying to get me into collecting chickens for ages, so I gave it a shot. It's really rewarding! I don't feel lonely at all when I'm doing it.
• Are you good at video games? I can't beat Area 8-13 of <videogame>. It's got platforms that disappear and too many turrets and IF you make it to the boss he shoots you with missiles and if he kills you, you have to go all the way back to the beginning! Arrrrrrrrrgh!! Mom heard me yelling at it and said if I wasn't having fun I should stop playing. Parents just don't understand video games!
• Today at school Mrs. Thompson taught us all about arranging a towel. I was pretty wicked at it.
• We had to dissect an emu eye in science class today. It was pretty disgusting, especially after I dared Ronnie Berg to eat part of it and he totally did.
• Coach Copeland made us all take an extra shower after gym class today. Sometimes I wonder about that guy.
• Last weekend a bunch of us camped out overnight in our fort. We made a throne out of tar paper for the Frightmaster to sit on, and took turns sitting on it and telling scary stories with a flashlight under our face. Willy told one about a ghost named Vladimir who haunted the guy who stole his fuchsia arse. Vinnie was so scared he peed in his sleeping bag. It was totally great.
• Yesterday we went exploring in the old old haunted mineshaft over by Old Man Wilkerson's farm. He got mad and yelled at us for tresspassing, but we managed to grab a neat obsidian knife before we left.
• Georgie Steadwick keeps talking about remixing model trains. Who does that anymore? That was AGES ago! Nowadays everyone is applying decals to BRICKO sculptures. What do they do for fun where you live? Maybe that'll be the next big thing over here!

Item-Giving Stories

• I found this in the trash by my mom's desk -- it smells kind of funny. I thought maybe you'd know what it was for.

You acquire an item: correction fluid

• I put a ton of quarters into the Pokëmann vending machine today, trying to get the ultra-rare Kleptone figure, but no such luck! Here's one of my extras.

or

• I bought some new Pokëmann figurines today. I wish you could pick the one you got, I keep getting doubles! You can have this one.

or

• I wish they'd come out with a new series of Pokëmann figures! I've got nearly all of the current series, and I keep getting dupes. Here's one for you.

or

• Do you collect Pokëmanns? I think they're neat. I got doubles of this one, so you can have it.

You acquire an item: Pokëmann figurine

• My mom got me these pants, but they're way too big for me. She says I'll grow into 'em, but I think they look stupid, so I'm just gonna send 'em to you and tell her I lost 'em.

You acquire an item: pin-stripe slacks

• I invented these great gloves. They're regular gloves, but they're covered with maple syrup on the outside, so it's way easier to pick stuff up. Mr. Davis at the comic book shop said it made it a little too easy to pick stuff up, especially stuff like Pokëmann cards I hadn't paid for. He banned me from the store until I got rid of the gloves, but they're so cool that somebody ought to have them.

You acquire an item: sticky gloves

• I made this in art class, but Mrs. <LastName> said she didn't consider vandalism to be art, and she wouldn't put it in the art show at the State Fair. I'm sending it to you so my mom doesn't find it.

You acquire an item: paint bomb

• My mom got this big variety pack of juice boxes, and it came with this super-gross one -- I dare you to drink it!

You acquire an item: fish juice box

• This is a new kind of soda they're test-marketing in my region. It tastes weird -- every can is different. Anyway, I thought if they don't have it where you live you might like to try a can. Sorry if it got warm in the mail.

You acquire an item: Okee-Dokee soda

• Do they have these where you live? They're so hot! I can eat three of them at a time. One time I tried to eat four, and I had to go to the nurse.

You acquire an item: Nuclear Blastball

• I found this weird gross weed growing in my fishbowl -- I guess dad was right when he told me I should clean it more often. Anyway, I thought you'd wanna see how gross it was, so I'm sending it to you.

You acquire an item: willyweed

• My mom got me this shirt, but it's a little too big for me, and plus, these things have been out of style for like twenty years. Maybe it'll fit you? I know Adventurers don't have much fashion sense, so it shouldn't embarrass you too much...

You acquire an item: Ultracolor™ shirt

• I made this to keep my pet earwig Mrs. Snuggles from trying to escape the house, but I think I put it together inside out. I keep accidentally shocking myself when I touch it, so you can have it.

You acquire an item: shock belt

• My dad gave me this -- I told him I wanted a sword and shield kit so I could grow up to be an Adventurer, but he said that was stupid and childish and that there was no future in it. Anyway, this is dumb and boring and you can have it.

You acquire an item: Li'l Businessman Kit

• I made this cool helmet in my science class, but Mr. Figueroa said it was too dangerous and he made me take it home. I'm bored with it anyway, so you can have it.

You acquire an item: Van der Graaf helmet

• My mom gave my dad this rubber ball thing as a present. He got pretty mad, and said "That's not what I meant." Then he gave the ball to me and locked himself in his study. I played with it for a while, but got bored, so I figured I'd send it on to you.

You acquire an item: stress ball

• I made this lanyard in art class. I don't know what a lanyard is, but Mrs. Sandoval says this is a pretty good example of one. I hope you can figure out something to do with it.

You acquire an item: orange leather lanyard

• This is a new kind of soda they're test-marketing in my region. It tastes weird -- every can is different. Anyway, I thought if they don't have it where you live you might like to try a can. Sorry if it got warm in the mail.

You acquire an item: Okee-Dokee soda

Parting Phrases

• Anyway, talk to you later!
• Anyway, write me back sometime!
• Gotta go, I'll write more later!
• Hasta la vista! I learned that in class, that's Borderspeak for goodbye!
• I'll tell you more about it next time.
• Mom's yelling for me to come to dinner, so I guess that's all for now!
• My dad's shouting about something, I'd better go see what he wants. Bye!
• Not much else has been happening. Bye!
• Okay, bye!
• Okay, gotta go. Write me back!
• Okay, smell ya later!
• That's all I can think of to tell you. See you later! (Well not really but you know what I mean.)
• Well, I gotta go get dressed out for my bowling game tonight. Later!

My Pet

• banana slug
• parakeet
• guinea pig

Their Pet

(Possibly the same as ours, but these seem way cooler, so far)

• Siamese fighting fish
• tarantula

Pet Names

• Fido
• Stinky

Adjectives

• delicious
• sleazy

Verbs

• comb
• depilitate
• filter
• laminate
• rake

Bad Food

• chitterlings
• soda crackers

Good Food

• Soy Horehound Frogs
• Rolled Sweet Coils

Scary Place

(Seems to be <adjectives> <place>)

• old old haunted cave
• abandoned factory
• scary old mineshaft
• abandoned mansion

Scary Creature

• ghost
• mummy

Girls Names

• Allie
• Jenny
• Margie
• Sally

Boys Names

(I assume these'll end up being from the same set as your pal's, but just in case...)

• Andy
• Bobby
• Billy
• Joey
• Ollie

Room Colors

• amber
• cornflower

Mount Colors

(Room Color and Mount color may use the same list)

• Topaz
• Azure

Video Games

(Probably also randomly generated)

• Evil Galaxy 15
• Devil Hill 5
• Mind Creed 7

Favorite Comics

• The Ineffable Ace Dirge
• Weird Mitch Fear

Chasers

• drunk hobos
• crazy coyotes

Compass Description

• rusty
• platinum

Family Members

• aunt
• brother
• father
• grandfather
• mom
• sister
• son

Body Parts

(Quite possibly the same list of body parts used for attack messages)

• ankle
• arm
• throat

Last Names

• Castillo
• Zimmerman