Play Cards With Famous Dead Guys

Cards with the Gods

Your pure, immortal shade sits down at a card table currently occupied by the pure, immortal shades of Boris and Jarlsberg, as well as the slightly less pure, immoral shade of Sneaky Pete.

"The game we play up here is called Valhallalala Hold 'Em," Boris growls. "You get an infinite number of cards, face down. Then we all bet from our infinite amounts of celestial currency, and then you turn over all your cards and we see who wins."

"That sounds pretty boring," you say.

"It is," Jarlsberg says. "So pretty much we just assume that Pete is cheating and will always win, and then Boris kicks the non-corporeal crap out of him for cheating."

You sit and watch Boris beat the intangible stuffing out of Sneaky Pete for a while. Compared to eternity, it is but a drop in the bucket, but it still seems like a long time.

"How long do those two go at it?" You ask Jarlsberg.

"Well, Boris can't get tired and Sneaky Pete can't be killed, so they could go on infinitely."

"Right," you say, and wander off to find something marginally more interesting to do.

Blank White Cards

You walk up to a card table surrounded by mounds and mounds of blank cards. Sitting at the table are King Yore III, King Carl II, and King Kong VXI.

"Hey, guys, what are you playing?" You ask.

"We're playing a very advanced game for very advanced souls. It's called An Infinite Number of Blank White Cards," Yore says.

"Yes, it's a game that only the uber-enlightened can understand," says Carl.

"Oook eeeek ah-ah," Kong chimes in.

"How do you play? Is it like that game where you write your own stuff on the cards and see who can be the funniest?"

"Piffle," Carl sniffs. "No, this game begins and ends with an infinite number of blank white cards. We simply move them around between us and contemplate each one in turn. Then we declare Kong the winner, because you wouldn't believe what he throws around when he loses."

"But the cards are all identical, right? So why contemplate each one? Why not just contemplate them all at once and then go do something else?"

"Clearly," Yore says, "You are not sufficiently enlightened to appreciate the subtleties of this glorious celestial passtime. You are not welcome at our table."

"Yeah, get lost," Carl says.

"Oook!" says Kong, and throws something at you which, fortunately, is intangible and non-corporeal.

Lady Legends of Loathing

You approach a card table and find three female Legends of Loathing seated around it: Suzianka, the first Arena Mistress, Ubisunt, the first Knob Goblin Harem Girl, and Viagretta, the first Spam Witch.

"Heya, big boy," Viagretta says. "Want to join us? We're playing Strip Poker."

You gleefully sit down at the table and join in the game. Unfortunately, you soon find that strip poker is a lot more fun with people who have clothes. And bodies. After a while there's a pile of ectoplasm in the middle of the table, which is exactly as exciting as it sounds.

You take your leave of the ladies and go off to find something marginally more fun to do.