Slow Talkin' Elliot

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Slow Talkin' Elliot
Monster ID	511
Locations	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	200
Attack	190
Defense	171
No-Hit	200
Initiative	20
Meat	120-180
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops	bullet-proof corduroys, Lockenstock™ sandals, Slow Talkin' Elliot's dogtags, green clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Slow Talkin' Elliot

At the base of a heavily-contested hill, you encounter a bearded hippy bent over tying his shoe. You catch a glimpse of his dogtags, and recognize him as Slow Talkin' Elliot, one of the most lauded soldiers in the hippy army. Legend says that the only reason he's not one of the top generals in the Army of One Love is that when his superiors asked him if he wanted the promotion, he took so long to answer that they had all been killed in battle before they had a chance to give him the rank.

"Hey... you..." he says, in his trademark drawl/crawl. "You're... one... of... those... frat... infidels."

You lay back on the grass and take a little nap while he pauses between sentences.

"I'm... going... to... squash... you... into..."

At this point, you get tired of waiting around, and charge at him, weapon at the ready.

Hit Message(s):

He darts forward and smacks you on the neck. He may talk slow, but his hands are pretty damn fast. Ugh! Eek! Ow! Ow! Ow!

He slowly stands up, wanders over, and gives you a big ol' hug. You gag as his arms come up -- it smells like death in there. Ooh! Ugh! Eek! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! (stench damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He starts to attack you, but notices that there's a loose thread on his shirt. He slowly pulls on it, muttering slowly under his breath, then sighs and looks up, blinks... you finally get so bored you attack yourself. Oof! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to give you a big ol' stinky hug, but you easily dodge.

He tries to smack you, but his hands don't move any faster than his mouth.

He tells you a story full of folksy humor and homespun wisdom. You applaud politely.

He starts to insult you, but you easily move a couple miles away before he finishes.

Fumble Message:

not known

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After Combat

You gain 130? Meat

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (? chance)*

You acquire an item: green clay bead (? chance)*

You acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (? chance)*

You acquire an item: Slow Talkin' Eliot's dogtags (100? chance)*Data:Slow Talkin' Eliot's dogtags

You gain 45 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).