The Spirit of Crimbo
From A KoL Wiki
The Spirit of Crimbo
This is an epic poem, more properly titled "Swizzle the Elf and the Spirit of Crimbo: How Swizzle Got His Groove Back (And So Can You!)." It tells the heartwarming story of an elf regaining his faith in Crimbo, all in rhyming couplets so sweet and precious they'd give a unicorn diabetes.
Type: off-hand item
Cannot be traded or discarded
(In-game plural: The Spirit of Crimbos)
Text of The Spirit of Crimbo
- "I can't stand Crimbo!" yelled Swizzle, the elf,
- "it's the worst time of year, if I say so myself!"
- And his words echoed deep through the space-time continuum
- And woke up the Spirit of Crimbo to tend to 'em.
- "I'm Rodney, a reindeer, a misfit like you!
- Trust me when I say that I hate Crimbo, too!
- "Let's have an adventure, just you and just me,
- We'll be the very best friends there can be!"
- Swizzle the Elf squinted hard through the blizzard
- gripping the ground with his toes, like a lizard.
- He saw a strange sight you've not seen, I suppose
- a snowman, blowing his orange carrot nose.
- "I'b Sduffy the Sdowmab," the snowman declaimed,
- "and briging back your Cribbo Spirit's my aib."
- How could you hate Crimbo?" the snowman opined,
- "'Tis a wonderful, magical, funderful time!"
- And he pulled out a banjo and strummed out a tune,
- And the birds and the squirrels all came near him to croon.
- Swizzle the Elf said, "but Crimbo's lost touch,"
- "When it was all about giving, I didn't mind much
- "But now it's about getting, and I don't like that."
- With a swipe of his arm, Snuffy knocked him down flat.
- "That's treason you're talking," he said, "so desist
- "Or you'll be on the business end of my fists."
- "Hi, Swizzle, I'm back!" Rodney Reindeer appeared,
- But the look in his eyes was a little bit weird.
- "What's wrong, my old friend?" Asked Swizzle, the elf.
- "Nothing's wrong! I feel great! I'm in perfect health!
- But Swizzle, I think our Crimbo hate was wrong,
- "Listen! Snuffy the Snowman will sing you a song."
- "I just don't like Crimbo! I can't make it more clear!"
- Shouted Swizzle the Elf to Rodney Reindeer.
- "Well, I suppose we can't reason with you," Rodney said,
- "So I must change your mind with a hoof to the head."
- "Now how do you feel about Crimbo? The truth!"
- Swizzle turned his head slowly, then spat out a tooth.
- "I still can't stand Crimbo," he muttered, defiant.
- "I don't care what you say, I will not be compliant."
- "Very well," said Snuffy the Snowman, enraged,
- "Rodney Reindeer! Go get the rats out of the cage."
- "No, please, don't do that," Swizzle shouted, "not that!
- "I swear, I love Crimbo, please put down that rat!"
- And Snuffy the Snowman grinned a cold grin.
- I can see that you're almost about to give in,
- "But I'm not quite convinced, and besides, this rat's starved . .
- No! Please, god, no!" shouted Swizzle the Elf.
- "Put the rats upon her! Hell, I'll do it myself!"
- And as he said that, something broke in his mind,
- And his hatred of Crimbo began to unwind.
- He collapsed to the floor, babbling like a bimbo,
- Tears filled his eyes as he said "I love Crimbo."
Obtained From
- Crimbo 2008
- Advent Calendar (8th punchout)
Notes
- Equipping this item grants the combat skill Recite 'The Spirit of Crimbo' against Crimbo elves in The Atomic Crimbo Toy Factory.
- Smashing this item results in one unit of useless powder.
References
- The secondary title of the poem is a reference to the film, How Stella Got Her Groove Back.
- The parenthetical portion of the title is lifted directly from Stephen Colbert's book, I Am America.
Collection
- 🥇: Muffy the werewulf SLAPper (#1384651) - 2
- 🥈: A Gressive Coffee Addict (#1143375), A Player (#1270374), A Random Multi (#1531534), A Tiny Plastic Puddle (#602117), ABeanSits (#605783), ACMuseum (#1399839), ADDemon (#950449), AEMMac (#657414), AHHKellyClarkson (#1109968) - 1
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