Troll Twins

Troll Twins
Monster ID	1244
Locations	Twin Peak
Hit Points	98
Attack	94
Defense	82
No-Hit	101
Initiative	40
Meat	60-90
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, hair, arm, leg, torso
Drops	incredible pizza, troll britches
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting the Troll Twins

In one of the endless dead ends in the hedge maze, you encounter a set of squat, orange-skinned twins with oversized eyes and enormous cheeks. "Hey, do you have any ows cream?" one of them asks, then laughs hysterically, joined by the disembodied laughter of an audience you can't see.

"What? How is that funny at all? You just mispronounced ice cream."

"Well, if that's not your cup of tea," the other twin says, "we'll be 18 years old in just 14 years, 11 days, 3 hours, and 31 seconds. So hubba-hubba."

"Cut. It. Out," you say, at which point they start trying to bite you in the kneecap.

Hit Message(s):

The twins each choose a kneecap and commence to pummelin'.

They babble to each other in their own secret twin language. It's unbelievably creepy.

One twin kicks you in the shin while the other one stomps on your foot.

The twins call in their uncle the drummer to play the ten-minute drum solo from Innagaddadavida, using your arm as the drum.

They sing a song about pizza, but really slowly and in unnaturally deep voices. It makes the hairs on your neck stand on end.

Critical Hit Message:

not known

Miss Message(s):

Union regulations and child labor laws require the twins to take a break every few rounds, to rest and do homework.

The twins argue about which one gets to pummel which kneecap.

Fumble Message:

not known

---

After Combat

You gain 60-90 Meat. (average: 75, stdev: 6.52)*

You acquire an item: incredible pizza (? chance)*

You acquire an item: troll britches (? chance)*

You gain ? <substat>.

References

• The Olsen Twins are celebrities famous before they could walk. They were among the first children to have websites counting down until they reached the age of consent.