Chat Guide: Channels

Shorthand list of channels

• /newbie: Public channel for asking and answering game questions.
• /trade: Public channel for trading KoL goods and services.
• /radio: Public channel for discussion of Radio KoL.
• /games: Public channel for games and trivia.
• /normal: Public channel for normal discussion.
• /kwe: Listen-only channel for broadcasts of Kingdom Wrestling Entertainment.
• /foodcourt: Public channel for trade-related social discussion.
• /haiku: Social channel for chatting in the form of haiku poetry.
• /pvp: Social channel for discussion of PvP
• /valhalla: General social channel for those who have ascended.
• /hardcore: General social channel for those who have completed a hardcore ascension.
• /veteran: General social channel for players of a year or more.
• /clan: Private channel to chat with clanmates.
• /villa: Exclusive channel for wealthy players.
• /lounge: Exclusive channel for friends of Jick.

Public Chat Channels

newbie

In-game description: This channel is a place for new players to ask questions, and for other players to answer them.

Purpose of channel: Public channel for asking and answering game questions.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.

Moderated: Yes.

About: Newbie gets all the new inquisitive players and as such gets a mix of idiots, asshats, and scammers alongside some of the freshest, least snobby and most uninhibited players in KoL. If newbie is quiet, then everyone else has been kicked off the game.

In-jokes and traditions: A common in-joke about killing the Hermit is often used to confuse newbies. People may claim they've killed the hermit but they are either using it as a euphemism for another questionable activity or as a trick. Newbie of the Day Also runs in /c newbie and has been for around a year

See Also: The Help Forum

trade

In-game description: This channel is dedicated to the exchange of goods and services. And Meat.

Purpose of channel: Trading KoL items, meat, services, and buffs.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.

Moderated: Yes.

About: This channel is not a social channel. The moderators will ask that conversations, arguments, market speculation, questions and any other chatter be taken to PM or to another channel. A common greeting in /trade is "Huzzah!" Channel regulars agree that this channel seems to attract every beggar, spammer, flamer, and scammer in KoL.

In-jokes and traditions: Wang wars by zero and MasTechno happen in /trade every last Wednesday of every month.

See Also: KoL /trade Quotes

The Marketplace

games

In-game description: This channel is for all manner of games, contests, and other gamy whatnot.

Purpose of channel: Playing games, trivia, raffles, etc.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.

Moderated: Yes.

About: /c games is a channel made to have fun. Chatters in this channel are best at posing creative trivia questions, creating exciting games and awarding fabulous prizes. One caveat: /Gamers regard requests for games or questions such as, "Any games going on?" to be in bad taste in the vein of begging.

In-jokes and traditions: Regulars in this channel like to ridicule people who try to pass raffles off as antiraffles, make scammers and begz0rs feel like the scum of the earth, and baleet mallbots constantly. They boast complete mastery over the shout filter. Many, such as Arwen48, like to refer to work as w***. Yon Dungeonman is often found cock blocking. Blythe wants Tivolimom's pickle. The channel celebrates the eccentricities and injuries and innuendo of A Naked Jew. Misfires from Aspertame are frequent and are the number 2 cause of WTFs in /games. Also known as /c perv to some. Also the home of the new gameshow "You Got WANGed"

See Also: Radio GKOL

A listing of games and their rules

Lopey's Unspoken Rules of /c games

radio

In-game description: This channel is for discussion of Radio KoL.

Purpose of channel: Discussion and socializing related to Radio KoL.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.

Moderated: Yes.

About: Radio Contests are hosted here but only by the DJ (non-radio-DJs can not host raffles in this channel) and if you're lucky, you might win one. This channel opened on February 16, 2005.

In-jokes and traditions: Theflorist is ALWAYS the DJ. "The radio does not exist to give you shit."

See Also: Radio-KoL

normal

In-game description: This channel is for regular old discussion. About whatever.

Purpose of channel: Standard socializing.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.

Moderated: Yes.

About: Nothing about /c normal is actually normal. /normal, in general, follows the creed "Next time you have a thought, let it go."

In-jokes and traditions: Some call it "/ab-normal". Player Spencer Drake, also known as Spanky, likes to do naked cartwheels in normal. There are three things above /normal: the sky, the rafters, and the ceiling; things sometimes fall from them. Many of the teenage boys in /normal are called perverts. This is the channel where many noobs (not to be confused with newbs)seem to wander into from /newbie. Of course they need instructions on how to get back to /c newbie, which seems to be difficult for them after the managed to get out of it. This is also the place where pizzaclone tells about how his quest is going for collecting every sword in the game.

Limited-Access Channels

kwe

In-game description: This is a listen-only chat channel, which will broadcast the monthly KWE wrestling matches.

Purpose of channel: Play-by-plays of KWE fights are broadcasted to this channel during each fight.

Access to channel is gained by: Using a KWE-brand transistor radio

Moderated: No.

About: KWE Announcer is the announcer for the KWE events in /kwe. This channel became available on April 21, 2006. This channel is listen-only.

foodcourt

In-game description: This is the food court of the Mall of Loathing. Eat, drink, chat with other store owners.

Purpose of channel: Market, trade and mall-related discussion.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and owning a store in The Mall of Loathing.

Moderated: Yes.

About: Random food fights and huggles are given here. Fuzzah instead of Huzzah is the standard greeting in this channel. /c foodcourt opened May 26, 2005 to separate the social aspect of /c trade (in other words, this is where all the chatter that people want to have in /trade should really go).

In-jokes and traditions: "Welcome to /c foodcourt. Where trading is forbidden, intelligence is mandatory, confusion is necessary, common sense is requested, and pants are optional," as the famous quote by So and So tells us. Many newcomers are welcomed to the channel with this quote, in foodcourt also know as "the macro".

There is currently a movie, a video game, and a genealogy of /Foodcourt in the works. This proves how important it is to the very fabric of The Kingdom. Many foodies, when asked a question about the game, will reply sarcastically or send the askee to newbie or here, the Wiki.

haiku

In-game description:

Speak in haiku here,

and haiku only, mind you,

or you'll get banz0red.

Purpose of channel: Socializing entirely in haiku.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and the Most Extreme Haiku Challenge.

Moderated: Yes. This is arguably the most heavily modded channel.

About: Use forward slashes to insert line breaks in your posts in /haiku.

• Example: "This is my haiku / I believe it's a good one / but I could be wrong."

Bragi originated the idea of this channel; it was created February 11, 2005.

In-jokes and traditions: Haikuers like to joke around about clam sex and make horrible puns. They often end haikus with the phrase, "under the covers" or "in between the sheets," and occasionally begin haikus with "hippopotamus." Many contests are also run here based around creating haikus within themes. Almost all of these memes originate from The Blues, a prominent Haiku clan.

Note: Most chat effects (besides the Gray Plague) will not have any effect in /haiku, else they would break the structure of the haikus.

• See Also: The Haiku Dungeon

pvp

In-game description: This channel is for PvP discussion.

Purpose of channel: Socializing with other people in PvP and PvP-related discussion.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and having once broken your Hippy Stone.

Moderated: Yes.

About: For a chat channel that revolves around Player Vs. Player combat, there is a sense of community in this channel that is hard to find in many others. Newcomers are welcome, but cautioned not to come in and spam or act like jackasses. The channel almost always has a mod (or 3), but is largely self-moderating.

In-jokes and traditions: Please don't break your stone, come into the channel and announce "Attack me!" or "Anyone want to fight?" Yes, the channel is quiet a lot of the time - its inhabitants like it that way.

See Also: PvP

valhalla

In-game description: This is a social channel for players who've ascended at least once.

Purpose of channel: Discussion and socializing related to Ascension.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and ascending into a higher plane.

Moderated: Yes.

About: "The difference between newbie and valhalla is that we've had a lot more practice being idiots. They're just beginners." This channel opened on June 8, 2005 with the unveiling of ascension.

In-jokes and traditions: The Gigantic Superfluous Fountain is unofficially owned by and partially located in here. This channel periodically transforms into a second /newbie when brand-new ascenders find their way in, resulting in a flood of asshattery and complaints from established members. Regulars enjoy quoting lines from Tourette's Guy as well as poking fun at a particular version of a not-safe-for-work O RLY owl.

hardcore

In-game description: This is a channel to chat with other players who have completed at least one hardcore ascension.

Purpose of channel: For hardcore ascenders to talk amongst themselves.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and completing at least one hardcore ascension.

Moderated: Yes.

About: The hardcore channel is generally devoted to discussion of strategy. This channel was added July 10, 2005.

In-jokes and traditions: Frequenters of /hardcore often complain loudly to the RNG to get what they want; often the complaining is seen as a way of lifting bad luck. They complain especially loudly about getting the Enraged Cow on the 6th level of the tower. This channel is also known for openly discussing spoilers when the new tuesday content comes out.

See also: The Daily News

veteran

In-game description: This is a social channel for players who've been here over a year.

Purpose of channel: Socializing for veteran players.

Access to channel is gained by: Keeping an account active for a year or more.

Moderated: Yes.

In-jokes and traditions: /c veteran inhabitants enjoy speaking like generic old people. (Back in my day, we had to walk 15 miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways... just to relieve ourselves!) Bad spellers get lynched. Yukon posting music video links. Random instantaneous zombification occurs courtesy of blackhatluck. Despite the fact that more people gain access to veteran every day, it has consistently remained a close community. This was mainly due to the fact that new people tend to be scared off by the standard question asked upon entrance, "What are your views on Bukkake?" However, the moderators as a group decided that this question was too offensive and rude to incoming chatters. This led to the rise of many new "Welcome" messages. The original message is now referred to as "the question".

Exclusive Channels

clan

In-game description: This is a chat channel that only members of your clan can use.

Purpose of channel: Socializing with clanmates.

Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and being in a clan.

Moderated: No.

About: You can no longer be part of this channel without being in a clan. All players who joined this channel when not in a clan appeared to be in the same channel. This does not appear to be true anymore. You can, however, listen to /clan and are still able to speak there via normal listening means when you are not part of a clan.

See Also: Clan ads

villa

In-game description: This is Don Pygoscelis' villa.

Purpose of channel: General socializing, scheming and similar stuff.

Access to channel is gained by: By completing the The Altar of Literacy quest and using a 'Villa' document.

Moderated: Yes.

About: This channel was created in an attempt to sink large amount of bugmeat out of the system after Black Sunday.

mod

In-game description: This is a channel for chat and forum moderators.

Purpose of channel: Socializing and discussion among moderators.

Access to channel is gained by: Being a Moderator in the Chat or in the Official Forums.

Moderated: No.

dev

Purpose of channel: Development and testing discussion.

Access to channel is gained by: Belonging to the team that tests on the development server.

Moderated: No.

harem

In-game description: Welcome to Skully's den of iniquity.

Purpose of channel: For Mr Skullhead and his friends.

Access to channel is gained by: Being invited in by Mr Skullhead. There may be an age limit.

Moderated: No.

lounge

(a.k.a. the channel that does not exist)

In-game description: The wheels on the bus go lounge and lounge.

Purpose of channel: Not existing. And possibly similar activities.

Access to channel is gained by: Invitation by Jick. It is sometimes joked that you must kill the hermit in the Super-Secret Quest or do the Ultra Literacy Quest in order to gain access.

Moderated: No.

About: Although some claim this channel is fictional, it does indeed exist. One can even occasionally see well-known people in /lounge when performing a /whois on them in chat.