A Bugbear
A Bugbear is located in the 2016 incarnation of Crimbo Town.
- Before aligning your Liver Chakra:
There's a bugbear here, glaring haughtily at everything around him, especially you. "Go away, human," he growls. "You are not yet ready for the knowledge I possess. You must first complete your work with other, lesser chakras."
- Before aligning your Nipple Chakra:
The bugbear looks you up and down as you approach. "I can sense that you have aligned the first three chakras," he says. "Very well. I am Knows About Chakras, bugbear Master of Enlightenment, and I will teach you about the fourth, centermost, and most important of all chakras."
"Gosh," you say. "It must be Heart, right?"
"What? No. That is not even a chakra! Who cares about hearts? The most important chakra is the Nipple chakra!"
"Nipple? But you don't even have nipples!"
"Foolish human! We bugbears conceal our nipples beneath our fur so that your weak human minds will not be destroyed attempting to comprehend their majesty and quantity!"
"Quantity? How many do you have?" you ask.
"Twelve," Knows About Chakras says, rather smugly.
"Twelve?"
"In three vertical columns! Now shut up and focus, human! Focus on your pathetic human nipples! The nipple is the foundation of a creature's first personal bond, the bond between a child and its mother. The bond of life to life, and ultimately the connection of all creatures to all other creatures in the great web of spirit -- that is the lesson of the Nipple chakra!"
"Hmm. Okay, I think I--"
"Go meditate!"
- Subsequent visits (before aligning your Nipples):
"Human!" Knows About Chakras growls at you. "Your Nipple chakra is not yet aligned! I can tell just by looking at your pitiful human aura! Return to your meditations, and do not approach me again until you have completed your task!"
"Are we in a hurry? Do I have to finish today?"
"No. I just don't want to talk to you."
- After aligning your Nipple Chakra:
"Okay," you tell Knows About Chakras, "I've aligned the fourth chakra."
"Yes, I can tell," he nods. "I can feel the spiritual connection of your stupid human nipples."
"You don't have to be rude about it," you mutter.
"Do not be ashamed," he admonishes. "You have done the best that could be expected with what you have to work with. Another master will teach you of the fifth chakra -- if they have not yet arrived, seek them out tomorrow."
